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Skola

Finding your life again

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This is where I am right now.My girl of 4.5 years left me at the start of the week. My first feelings were 'I dont have a life worth living without her' which gradually changed into 'I've let her become my whole life and now I need to get my life back'Basically we became too dependant on each other and she realised, then I also realised, that we would become stronger and grow as people if we had some time alone. I dont know what the future holds but right now Im feeling like I want her back which I suppose is natural.Its a struggle every day. We used to be in constant contact eg callings texting and emailling each other about every silly little detail of what we were doing when we were apart. Now Im just struggling to fill my time so I dont sit and mope (sp?)Whos been through this? its a nightmare.

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Recently been through this. It's really f*cked because I was in the same sort of relationship as you. It is hard and there is no "way" to get past except filling your time doing other things. Get to know your friends again. I started my new job at the same time as my break up so it kind of took the pain away a bit because I didn't have time to mope about so you really need to find something to do with your time. You will be ok in a few months seriously.(Having read this I now realise it wasn't recently it was about 8 months ago, wow feels like about a month ago)

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Yeah.Argh Ive been ok for a few days then just hit a big downer today. A few of the friends I wanted to see are busy tonight - ironically enough linking girls.

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Said it before, and I'll say it again.Delete every trace of her from your life. Texts, numbers (even if you remember them). Throw out things which remind you of her, get rid of photos of her, and of you and her together.Do not keep in contact with her now. That includes facebook, texting, on the phone. Period. If she initiates contact, politely brush her off and tell her it's for the best you don't keep in contact. If she doesn't take the hint and continues talking to you, flat out ignore it. Change your number, email, etc. if necessary.The rest is down to time, and how busy you keep yourself. Keeping yourself busy but still keeping in touch will do f*ck all to help you.The golden rule is DO NOT KEEP IN TOUCH.

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lol @ the neg already. cheersman at this stage im still struggling a bit to accept this is happening.

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hobby hobby hobbyi aint been as dee as u hae but i caught feelings off one chick n it ended badjus get sutin to occupy urself withtry some new things, go away for a lil bit or sutin

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Beg a mod find out who negged me so I can track them down and cave their face in with a brick.

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Beg a mod find out who negged me so I can track them down and cave their face in with a brick.
:D i possed? (pos'd even) you back up
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OhWondered why you said youd had a shitty week the other dayThere is a time when I would have given you more mature advice, all i will say to you now isbest not to get attatched, prevention is better than the cure homie+Do everything Marlon said. Whoever negged him is in need of a stabbing.Skola, at one point or another, she will get back in contact with you, whether its jut a text or a fone call or whateverYour a nice guy, and you love this girlThat combination will mean you probably arent going to par her off when she doesBut TRUST MEIt is better for youyou dont wanna go through that on/off thing for years and years, it really isn't pleasant and youll spend most of your time stressed/depressedif you have FB delete her and encourage your friends to do so (the last thing you need is them seeing pics of her with a new man or something)Delete her numbersLOCK AWAY any letters she has given youI aint gonna say throw away because they may be things you want to hold onto BUT get out of sight and out of mindTry to see other chicksYou can keep yourself busy all you want but that is only really STALLING the feeligns because at some point your gonna have to stop, sleep, sit down, and youll start to think about thingsThe reality is there is no fast track through pain, it hurts, and is going to hurt for a while.Best you can do is make sure it doesnt hurt for longer than it needs to+MW2 Homie

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This is where I am right now.My girl of 4.5 years left me at the start of the week. My first feelings were 'I dont have a life worth living without her' which gradually changed into 'I've let her become my whole life and now I need to get my life back'Basically we became too dependant on each other and she realised, then I also realised, that we would become stronger and grow as people if we had some time alone. I dont know what the future holds but right now Im feeling like I want her back which I suppose is natural.Its a struggle every day. We used to be in constant contact eg callings texting and emailling each other about every silly little detail of what we were doing when we were apart. Now Im just struggling to fill my time so I dont sit and mope (sp?)Whos been through this? its a nightmare.
y did u break up?
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Safe R9 - I hear what your saying about the on/off thing I know a guy whos went thru that and he was a mess most of the timeMaybe I need to jump on MW2 again havent felt like playing. Ah I left my headphones at hers. Need to go get the rest of my stuff.I think your right about distracting yourself not really making any differences. I think I have feelings to get through and recover from sooner or later.FAMBOLAY! that is the one thing I am excited about. I wanna link some BITCHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Found out some neat tricks in the bedroom that I need to try out on more women to make sure they work lol.El Kapital - the bit about being too dependant. She decided she needs to be alone to become more independant. I agree to an extent but I think its a drastic measure to throw away everything we have gained over the years.

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Wow Im feelin a bit polar at the moment.Been down all day and suddenly on an upper. Goin to pick up some weed, booze, meeting a couple of friends, gonna try and enjoy my night.

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Enjoy your night brah Im bout to get ready myselfAlso, about your situation, holla @ / speak to Stat (Mr Jibbles) pretty sure he goin through the same typa thangHave fun yo

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cod will make u feel better lol

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Safe R9 - I hear what your saying about the on/off thing I know a guy whos went thru that and he was a mess most of the timeMaybe I need to jump on MW2 again havent felt like playing. Ah I left my headphones at hers. Need to go get the rest of my stuff.I think your right about distracting yourself not really making any differences. I think I have feelings to get through and recover from sooner or later.FAMBOLAY! that is the one thing I am excited about. I wanna link some BITCHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Found out some neat tricks in the bedroom that I need to try out on more women to make sure they work lol.El Kapital - the bit about being too dependant. She decided she needs to be alone to become more independant. I agree to an extent but I think its a drastic measure to throw away everything we have gained over the years.
i very much agreedid this just all come out of no whereor have u been seeing signs
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Its a struggle every day. We used to be in constant contact eg callings texting and emailling each other about every silly little detail of what we were doing when we were apart. Now Im just struggling to fill my time so I dont sit and mope (sp?)Whos been through this? its a nightmare.
been through that, its a shitty shitty feeling still, i know.mingle mate, just meet as many new chicks as possible now, make her realise she's at a loss here.
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Said it before, and I'll say it again.Delete every trace of her from your life. Texts, numbers (even if you remember them). Throw out things which remind you of her, get rid of photos of her, and of you and her together.Do not keep in contact with her now. That includes facebook, texting, on the phone. Period. If she initiates contact, politely brush her off and tell her it's for the best you don't keep in contact. If she doesn't take the hint and continues talking to you, flat out ignore it. Change your number, email, etc. if necessary.The rest is down to time, and how busy you keep yourself. Keeping yourself busy but still keeping in touch will do f*ck all to help you.The golden rule is DO NOT KEEP IN TOUCH.
This.
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Far too soon brah ur still fresh, them ones were anything could potentially happen

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time is a healer my friend.though it seems to me youre just on a break... but for the time being, C/S angelo....

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Safe R9 - I hear what your saying about the on/off thing I know a guy whos went thru that and he was a mess most of the timeMaybe I need to jump on MW2 again havent felt like playing. Ah I left my headphones at hers. Need to go get the rest of my stuff.I think your right about distracting yourself not really making any differences. I think I have feelings to get through and recover from sooner or later.FAMBOLAY! that is the one thing I am excited about. I wanna link some BITCHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Found out some neat tricks in the bedroom that I need to try out on more women to make sure they work lol.El Kapital - the bit about being too dependant. She decided she needs to be alone to become more independant. I agree to an extent but I think its a drastic measure to throw away everything we have gained over the years.
i very much agreedid this just all come out of no whereor have u been seeing signs
well basicallyover the last maybe 6 months, we have been arguing a bit more and having sex less. not really done so much exciting things together, just co-existing under the same roof (would sometimes see my mum for dinner but start and end each day at her house). i would finish work, visit my mum for dinner (she lives alone now) then head back to my girls flat. sit there and play xbox most of the evening, and she would sit and watch tv.thats how its been for a while - a real dry spot in our relationship. we put it down to external factors that were giving us stress and assumed that over time once we sorted these things out the relationship would pick up.Shr said she doesnt know what she wants justnow but wants to be selfish and put herself completely first and not have to worry about a relationship or anything. She might want me back, or not. By the time she decides, I dont know where I'lll be.
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I think at times like this, it's best to overcome your emotions and focus on what you want from the future. How is she going to gain her independence by you and her not going out? You could've both helped each other to become independent it's not really a solo mission most couples are independent together. Has the relationship turned sour and this independence thing was an excuse?If it had turned sour then you should use this to remind yourself how things got once all the initial emotions/urges/chemical responses were out of the way, and all that was left was this stale outline of a relationship. Then you should think is there anything worth salvaging, if there is and it's worth it, maybe you should work on what made your relationship stale, why was there a distance? She has to be just as willing as you to find out why there was a distance.If that wasn't the case then again, i don't understand why you have split over independence?These deep rooted emotions you have for her will probably not go away, and images of her will probably haunt you, as well as seeing the back of her head on the back of every girls head who has even a slight resemblance. You will dream about her frequently, and wake up feeling drained. You will probably have emotional space for her, forever. Letting other people in is hard, especially trying to keep your emotions from your ex girl separate. And now you know what you want it will be harder to even be looking for other girls properly. There's nothing good to say here about saying goodbye to someone you care about. But thats the thing you care about them so much you have to say bye, because anything else would just be a piss-take and too confusing (hard to handle without sex which sends you back to square 1) to what you had. Friendship...? lol. But sh*t happens it's life you live you love you suck you f*ck you eat you sleep you laugh you weep you stomp you creep you wake you sleep the end. I think you should either figure out with her what was ruining your relationship, judge whether she is worth it, and fix it. I still don't understand this independence thing it still doesn't make sense to me so i don't know what to say about that, but if you see this isn't going to work, you got to bite that bullet and eat it like it was your last meal.Don't let your emotions from this girl guide your life though ala Marshall Mathers/Kim, try and be aware when you feel this is happening and stop it. wow i don't really want to press post because i feel i have just chat sh*t for days

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O.ManThat is a great help. I gave your post the once over and it seems to have a lot of useful advice.Im just goin round to a mates house (coz my mums going out dont want to sit about alone) so when I'm back tonight I'll go through this in more detail.Think Im going to pick up the rest of my stuff tomorrow so will need to start preparing for that experience. Im getting her to pick out all my stuff and bag it - hope it will help her think about what shes doing with us.

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I think at times like this, it's best to overcome your emotions and focus on what you want from the future. How is she going to gain her independence by you and her not going out? You could've both helped each other to become independent it's not really a solo mission most couples are independent together. Has the relationship turned sour and this independence thing was an excuse?If it had turned sour then you should use this to remind yourself how things got once all the initial emotions/urges/chemical responses were out of the way, and all that was left was this stale outline of a relationship. Then you should think is there anything worth salvaging, if there is and it's worth it, maybe you should work on what made your relationship stale, why was there a distance? She has to be just as willing as you to find out why there was a distance.If that wasn't the case then again, i don't understand why you have split over independence?These deep rooted emotions you have for her will probably not go away, and images of her will probably haunt you, as well as seeing the back of her head on the back of every girls head who has even a slight resemblance. You will dream about her frequently, and wake up feeling drained. You will probably have emotional space for her, forever. Letting other people in is hard, especially trying to keep your emotions from your ex girl separate. And now you know what you want it will be harder to even be looking for other girls properly. There's nothing good to say here about saying goodbye to someone you care about. But thats the thing you care about them so much you have to say bye, because anything else would just be a piss-take and too confusing (hard to handle without sex which sends you back to square 1) to what you had. Friendship...? lol. But sh*t happens it's life you live you love you suck you f*ck you eat you sleep you laugh you weep you stomp you creep you wake you sleep the end. I think you should either figure out with her what was ruining your relationship, judge whether she is worth it, and fix it. I still don't understand this independence thing it still doesn't make sense to me so i don't know what to say about that, but if you see this isn't going to work, you got to bite that bullet and eat it like it was your last meal.Don't let your emotions from this girl guide your life though ala Marshall Mathers/Kim, try and be aware when you feel this is happening and stop it. wow i don't really want to press post because i feel i have just chat sh*t for days
man at the moment i dont know what i want from the future. happiness i guessI dont know, i do kinda think ive needed a bit of a kick to start doing more but not for this to be permanent. im not sure how she feels i havent asked her. i agree and have said to her that we can help each other grow. i dont think its turned sour. well, things definately werent so great in the last few months but im not sure what the cause is, she says shes changed.even in the last few months when things havent been great, we still have good times together, enjoy each others company etc just neither of us have been doing enough with our lifes. since i finished uni over a year ago i havent acheived much which is something ive realised, kinda been content helping her with whats goin on in her life. i think ive given too much to her in a way, now its like, me time, but its hard to adjust to.im trying to hold off and let her think, but i plan to ask her what she thinks about everything and if she wants to try and understand whats caused this and remedy it - she might well say no.she has big curly afro type hair so not many backs of heads resemble her :D but yeah, im not eating much at the moment. can sleep ok coz ive been smokin weed and drinking but my appetite is lackingpicking up some things from hers tomorrow but not sure how much i should say
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yeah skola i've been there, it's a process. almost like a mini bereavement after letting someone in so close to your life and daily ins and out. Then there not there anymore.those hard times just use good friends and fam around you, to keep u standing up. Find a hobby or another outlet like the gym etc... dont rush into another relationship to try fill that void. You gotta get back to base with yourself 1st and foremost look forward and doing things to progress urself.the main thing is you will pull through it and confidence will return to step out on the hunt and lifeI can say this from 1st hand exp.

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