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Trust?


Gordon Gekko

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How do you learn to trust someone in a relationship or even know whether to believe them and not be suspicious? I know some people will say 'you should trust them anyway if you're in a relationship' but its not always that easy.I'm one of the most laidback people I know, people always say im laidback and that sh*t barely stresses me but im in a situation now which has got me head f*cked and its all on trust.Here's the story, I was in a relationship 5 years a go with this girl and even then it was quite serious and I ended it over a stupid reason but was too stubborn at the time to admit to it so for a few months after the break up proper f*cked her up, she banged on loads of weight, started drinking like mad and just changed her completely, she sorted herself out in the long run and for the last 5 years we've always been in touch/met up from time to time.She's been in 1 serious relationship since me and one bluff one (I seen this one as a rebound just to try get herself back on track after me) and in both of these relationships she was still telling me how she loved me and how she always will so we were just meeting up from time to time, spending days together etc we didnt f*ck but we did do other things during this time however for the last about 6 or 7 months we started getting serious again (while she was still in a relationship) and she was coming to manchester for the weekend and that to stay with me and we where f*ck*ng then, we both started getting caught up and she was still telling me that all shes wanted when shes been in relationships has been me and ive always had a spot for her cause everyone does with their first proper relationship.She has since finished her boyfriend about 2 months a go and we where getting serious and then she started withdrawing herself from me and has been acting funny as f*ck and not wanting to get involved as of late even though id told her id be up for a relationship again (the thing shes been saying shes always wanted) so i confronted her on it and asked what the problem was and she said she didnt want to get hurt so badly again and shes not sure whether she could trust me (cause she knows a bout girls ive f*cked but ive never cheated in a relationship whereas she has) etc etc so since shes been doing this shits been pissing me off with her by how shes being so hot/cold (and as i said i never get stressed over girls but this one has got me).Then, last night one girl who I was f*ck*ng a while a go works with my ex and she sent me a BBM completely out of the blue saying all this sh*t a bout my ex (this girl knows me and the ex are meeting with eachother again and this girl really liked me but i kind of just used it for sex so im thinking it may be bitter but she knows/knew i was always there for her when problems came a bout and helped her out a lot, and this is where my problem comes). This girl has had a lot of problems with my ex recently because of me and things my ex had said to her mates at work which got twisted and ended up back at this other girl so theres been some tention. In this message yesterday she basically exposed some sh*t, some of which i knew, i.e. my ex saying its hard to trust me and she'd be unsure to be able to allow herself get some deep with me again but she really loves me (and this is whats got me confused cause shes admitting to my ex saying she loved me) then she said how she caught her having sex with some other lad she worked with while she was in a relationship (this wasnt the same time i was meeting seriously with her i.e. the last 7 months) as they where at a work party in some hotel and apparently my ex and this other lad had sex and my ex admitted to meeting other lads while being with her last ex (which i really cant see cause for the time ive known her shes never been one to do that type of thing except with me because of how much she claimed she loved me). Now apparently my ex and this lad are quite good mates and they kissed before but apparently just laughed it off and left it at that but now I dont know who to believe. My ex of course is denying this and allthough she didnt cheat on me its got me questioning whether I should believe anything shes said cause she just seems so unsure a bout everything and this other girl (the one who told me) i do trust her cause she knows i done a lot for her in certain situations and said on the BBM that she was doing me a favour. Both these girls have lied and ive caught them out, never in any serious situations but they both have lied to me and ive clocked it so it really could go either way, I just dont know which one to trust and the fact that my ex the last month or so has been acting mad weird around me like shes either having second thoughts or she really is just scared of getting hurt. Its basically polar opposites cause when i was still in manchester at uni when she spent the weekend at mine at the trainstation she left in tears because she didnt wanna leave me and now at the minute she'll make plans to see then cancel then she'll be talking to me loads one day and then the next barely talk.So im not sure whether to trust her and believe what shes saying a bout how shes scared of getting hurt again (allthough ive reassured her she wont) and im not even worried a bout her cheating on me cause i just know she wouldnt (unless she has been chatting sh*t about how shes always wanted me back, but i dont think shes lying about that considering how rough the break up was and how shes always kept in touch and randomly told me how she loved me and missed me even when we hadnt spoken) so its either her being scared and i should just be patient and give her time (girls may be able to help me better on that one?) or whether I should listen to the other girl whos said shes just trying to warn me and that i dont know my ex as well as i think i do and to get out now (allthough ive know the ex 5 years and the other girl year and a half). I dont know who to trust/believe or to just cut off contact with both? What you lot reckon?

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That's a madness.I think when it comes to your first love and you're still on good terms you're more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt s, you've got to try and be objective about it and see her/the situation for what it is. I think what she said about not wanting to get hurt again causing her to be cautious is probably true but the part about her sexing that next brudda at the work do is too specific to be false. the character of the girl who told you this is important though, have you had past experiences with her to make you think she'd tell such a lie out of bitterness?

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So im not sure whether to trust her and believe what shes saying a bout how shes scared of getting hurt again (allthough ive reassured her she wont) and im not even worried a bout her cheating on me cause i just know she wouldnt (unless she has been chatting sh*t about how shes always wanted me back, but i dont think shes lying about that considering how rough the break up was and how shes always kept in touch and randomly told me how she loved me and missed me even when we hadnt spoken) so its either her being scared and i should just be patient and give her time (girls may be able to help me better on that one?) or whether I should listen to the other girl whos said shes just trying to warn me and that i dont know my ex as well as i think i do and to get out now (allthough ive know the ex 5 years and the other girl year and a half). I dont know who to trust/believe or to just cut off contact with both? What you lot reckon?
The bit in bold is your first error. Your second error is contemplating a relationship with a girl who f*cked about on her last relationship, whether your her ex or not. Go listen to Genuwine and then think about the situation objectively.Yeah I'm in a cynical place at the moment with relationships but f*ck it, how can you trust someone who cheated on their boyfriend with you? I'm not even addressing the other shady sh*t.
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That's a madness.I think when it comes to your first love and you're still on good terms you're more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt s, you've got to try and be objective about it and see her/the situation for what it is. I think what she said about not wanting to get hurt again causing her to be cautious is probably true but the part about her sexing that next brudda at the work do is too specific to be false. the character of the girl who told you this is important though, have you had past experiences with her to make you think she'd tell such a lie out of bitterness?
Yeah, I'd been f*ck*ng her for a while and I just basically didnt respect her and just used it for a smash then my ex asked me what went on between me and this other girl i told her and she told her mates at work and it just went round like chinese whispers and this girl got mad as f*ck and sent me some abusive message and saying the stuff she'd heard round work a bout me and my ex (about whats happened recently with us) had hurt her./Project MayhemI can't but help seem to think she wouldn't cause i've literally had her break down in tears talking to me about her losing me and what not and how f*cked she got after we last split (it did mess her up badly) i just believe that she does feel that strongly for me, maybe thats just me being weak but i honestly can usually see a girls intentions so easily but this situation has got me f*cked
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/Project MayhemI can't but help seem to think she wouldn't cause i've literally had her break down in tears talking to me about her losing me and what not and how f*cked she got after we last split (it did mess her up badly) i just believe that she does feel that strongly for me, maybe thats just me being weak but i honestly can usually see a girls intentions so easily but this situation has got me f*cked
Yeah I can see why. I just think it's a complete error of judgement to allow yourself to believe someone 'just wouldn't cheat'. You're setting yourself up for a fall with that kind of thinking, particularly as she has already proven she CAN cheat. Just because it was you she cheated with doesn't make you immune to it. Personally I could never trust someone who had cheated to be with me, because they have already proved they have that untrustworthy nature. I can guarantee she was telling her ex she loved him etc whilst making plans to come and have sex with you; that alone renders a person completely untrustworthy in my opinion.
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/Project MayhemI can't but help seem to think she wouldn't cause i've literally had her break down in tears talking to me about her losing me and what not and how f*cked she got after we last split (it did mess her up badly) i just believe that she does feel that strongly for me, maybe thats just me being weak but i honestly can usually see a girls intentions so easily but this situation has got me f*cked
Yeah I can see why. I just think it's a complete error of judgement to allow yourself to believe someone 'just wouldn't cheat'. You're setting yourself up for a fall with that kind of thinking, particularly as she has already proven she CAN cheat. Just because it was you she cheated with doesn't make you immune to it. Personally I could never trust someone who had cheated to be with me, because they have already proved they have that untrustworthy nature. I can guarantee she was telling her ex she loved him etc whilst making plans to come and have sex with you; that alone renders a person completely untrustworthy in my opinion.
She was, she was doing it on facebook and coming straight to me, ive already said these things too her. I just cant not seem to believe her, obviously i have my suspicions and that (hence making the thread) and you are right about setting meself up for the fall but i cant judge as to whether youre right or whether im right, thats my problem
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/Project MayhemI can't but help seem to think she wouldn't cause i've literally had her break down in tears talking to me about her losing me and what not and how f*cked she got after we last split (it did mess her up badly) i just believe that she does feel that strongly for me, maybe thats just me being weak but i honestly can usually see a girls intentions so easily but this situation has got me f*cked
Yeah I can see why. I just think it's a complete error of judgement to allow yourself to believe someone 'just wouldn't cheat'. You're setting yourself up for a fall with that kind of thinking, particularly as she has already proven she CAN cheat. Just because it was you she cheated with doesn't make you immune to it. Personally I could never trust someone who had cheated to be with me, because they have already proved they have that untrustworthy nature. I can guarantee she was telling her ex she loved him etc whilst making plans to come and have sex with you; that alone renders a person completely untrustworthy in my opinion.
She was, she was doing it on facebook and coming straight to me, ive already said these things too her. I just cant not seem to believe her, obviously i have my suspicions and that (hence making the thread) and you are right about setting meself up for the fall but i cant judge as to whether youre right or whether im right, thats my problem
I do feel for you on that one, I've been in the situation myself where you want something so much that you believe what you want to believe, and explain away anything that doesn't fit in with your idealised notion of what you want to happen between you.It's a sh*t situation and I hope you make the right decision, but ultimately if you are having to ask a forum full of strangers whether they think she sounds trustworthy, you have your answer without even having to press send.Good luck!
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Read all of that.To put it simply, there's TOO much going on. Too many red flags, the facts & the supposed fiction.Logic dictates you shouldn't get into anything serious, but at the same time, emotion/1st love is a mothaf*cker & ultimately if you do wanna have a go, take your sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet time. Like, get diabetes.

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Now Joel, don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way as I don't intend to diss you or anything like that.Did you pop her cherry?Your ex woman is a slag, probably had the transition during the bad times you mentioned. When she started to fix up, the attention from dudes probably made her happy & crave the attention. I know a couple girls who have told me they crave attention & that is their weakness. She hasn't got the ability to focus on one guy. This is a fail with some women & is a feature in a woman you should try to avoid at all cost! She's lost the ability to switch the attention seeker switch off.Come on, she was sexing you whilst she was in 2 relationships plus she's been exposed as doing stuff with another dude (who knows what she did with him & other guys who drawed her at clubs or down the street......).Your ex is trying to gass you up with telling you she wont cheat, but when a woman goes off a guy like that, it's usually because 1). She thinks there's no spark or the most likely 2). She's f*ck*ng/linking some other guy.Does she know you were linking this new ting? If so, she was most probably is really upset & thinking "f*ck, I flopped." /This new girl may be exposing your girl because she's feeling you & genuinely feel she doesn't deserve you, but has she done stuff to make you think she is untrustworthy, the ability to cheat? If she is like your ex, I advise that you avoid!IMO, your ex is a health hazard, I hope you have kept strapped with her tbh because if men are f*ck*ng her domless and she's disrespecting herself, YOU could be a victim.Remember, it will not be the same how it was when you were together the first time. All these negative thoughts will pile up and remain at the back of your mind. Imagine, 2 relationships = cheated. Once cheating is involved and is the reason for breakage then the relationship will not work. I have witnessed this, I have been through this, it will not end in happiness.Summary - She's trying to take you for a mug, don't diss or discuss the new ting to her either otherwise like she has tried to do, she will twist it so the new ting with think you dissed her. I think you should air your ex once & for all, don't keep in contact because women will try use this to try have a hold/power over you.

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/Project MayhemI can't but help seem to think she wouldn't cause i've literally had her break down in tears talking to me about her losing me and what not and how f*cked she got after we last split (it did mess her up badly) i just believe that she does feel that strongly for me, maybe thats just me being weak but i honestly can usually see a girls intentions so easily but this situation has got me f*cked
Yeah I can see why. I just think it's a complete error of judgement to allow yourself to believe someone 'just wouldn't cheat'. You're setting yourself up for a fall with that kind of thinking, particularly as she has already proven she CAN cheat. Just because it was you she cheated with doesn't make you immune to it. Personally I could never trust someone who had cheated to be with me, because they have already proved they have that untrustworthy nature. I can guarantee she was telling her ex she loved him etc whilst making plans to come and have sex with you; that alone renders a person completely untrustworthy in my opinion.
Agreed. She was telling her ex she loves him, Joel you know that's fact. You have to ask yourself, did she break down crying to her ex and tell him how bad you was to her and how lucky she was to have him. You need to think about these things. She's gassed him & she has the ability & knowledge to use certain emotions to cheat rubbish to you too. I hate bitches like this man. SMH
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Something maybe I should've mentioned in fact. Her last ex actually hated me (this lad was some insecure kid who held some major grudge and would always bitch about me and when id confront him hed be p*ssy but then tell other people (his boys which were also my boys)) and he had some mad hatred for me cause she always used to bring me up and always say good stuff about me and its not like this could be lies because it came from my ex yes but it also came from other people so i dont know whether she was doing the same stuff to him, this is also another reason its tough to decide.In reply to your first post:Yeah I did pop her cherry (i know this always ends up as the girl being obsessed too).Thats the thing, shes really not an attention seeker atall, she hates people making fusses over her and she hates people knowing her business and sh*t (another reason why she said its harder to trust me cause so many people know me and know different things about me) and shes always stuck by shes been f*cked by 3 lads, me and the 2 boyfriends shes had since. I dont even know whether I believe it but im more directed to believing it cause i know it sounds mad but she always goes on rants about how girls give it up too easy these days (i know alot of slags do this hypocritical sh*t too) but its hard cause we know pretty much the same people and ALOT of things get back to me about a lot of people cause i have some form of history so people just tell me things and nothing ever really gets said about her so i cant help but think maybe she does tell the truth about the 3 lads cause honestly other than me, she doesnt go on like a slag and she did used to tell me everything she got up to and that (apart from recently when sh*t started getting funny)Yeah she knew I was f*ck*ng the other girl because a while back the two of them got on quite well and my ex went to this other girl to ask advice about what she should do about me because, as i said, she even told this girl she loved me (she thought at this time that me and this other girl where just mates cause of the problems ive sorted for her) then once she told this girl this girl messaged me raging so i told me ex what was really going on then after that sh*t just got sticky between the two and theyve not been on good terms since. I'm no longer f*ck*ng this other girl because of this but she knows ive been there for her in the past which is why im thinking, did she send me the BBM cause she was bitter or cause she actually knows what id done for her and to warn me?!

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havent read all the replies so im sure some of this will be covered alreadytoo much drama goin on with both of these girls and im guna tell u what to do but u wont listen anyway... f*ck them both, take what u can cos this journey u r on will be short lived one... the clock is already tickingu cannot trust ur ex for sh*t, she f*cked out on her partner with u so automatically she has proved shes capable and she cannot be trusted. u saying she wouldnt cheat on u or u think she wouldnt is the biggest mistake cos u r playing urself and believe me, she will make u feel it in her due course.. u already have ur suspicions about this so its best u keep her at arms length... the first love/ relationship ting can be a bitch as we all know but make no mistake, this is real life ur living in and been a viper u know urself that this is going to get u f*cked in the worst way..i seen somewhere in there u said u confronted her about some of the suspicions u r having, DONT!!! all u are doing is educating her on how to pull the wool over ur eyes... she will never admit to sh*t anyway so it is a waste of time...the other girl does sound bitter tbh, as all this is only just coming out now when shes heard ppl chattin her... her motives are not as innocent as she would have u think cos she has deliberately placed the seed of doubt.. out of the two tho i would say she is the most trust worthy as she doesnt have anything to lose by telling the truth whereas this ur ex doesshes stil has feelings for u which is understandable and visa versa, but if given the chance u would f*ck out of her and so would she... whole ting just sounds like a bag of stress and if i was u i'd leave well alone... but by the sounds of things tho u r already in too deep and the only ting i can say is i wish u luck in recovering from this when its over...in regard to that last sentence tho about should u trust her [shao kahn] MUAHAHAHA... DONT MAKE ME LAUGH[/shao kahn]

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havent read all the replies so im sure some of this will be covered alreadytoo much drama goin on with both of these girls and im guna tell u what to do but u wont listen anyway... f*ck them both, take what u can cos this journey u r on will be short lived one... the clock is already tickingu cannot trust ur ex for sh*t, she f*cked out on her partner with u so automatically she has proved shes capable and she cannot be trusted. u saying she wouldnt cheat on u or u think she wouldnt is the biggest mistake cos u r playing urself and believe me, she will make u feel it in her due course.. u already have ur suspicions about this so its best u keep her at arms length... the first love/ relationship ting can be a bitch as we all know but make no mistake, this is real life ur living in and been a viper u know urself that this is going to get u f*cked in the worst way..i seen somewhere in there u said u confronted her about some of the suspicions u r having, DONT!!! all u are doing is educating her on how to pull the wool over ur eyes... she will never admit to sh*t anyway so it is a waste of time...the other girl does sound bitter tbh, as all this is only just coming out now when shes heard ppl chattin her... her motives are not as innocent as she would have u think cos she has deliberately placed the seed of doubt.. out of the two tho i would say she is the most trust worthy as she doesnt have anything to lose by telling the truth whereas this ur ex doesshes stil has feelings for u which is understandable and visa versa, but if given the chance u would f*ck out of her and so would she... whole ting just sounds like a bag of stress and if i was u i'd leave well alone... but by the sounds of things tho u r already in too deep and the only ting i can say is i wish u luck in recovering from this when its over...in regard to that last sentence tho about should u trust her [shao kahn] MUAHAHAHA... DONT MAKE ME LAUGH[/shao kahn]
I think so..Just got off the phone with her, I ended up just putting it on her and now shes saying shes got too much going on in her head, too many of her mates telling her to do something a bout the other girl, her mates telling her to get in a relationship with me then other ones who know me better saying not to then because of me bringing all this sh*t up to her lately so she said shes gonna take a break from everything this week, just go work and go bed, and she wants a week break from us (she says she wants to see me tomorrow, so i might just bang it then be done, unless anything really does change) so im guessing the general census would be to take this week and just start moving on and be done with it? Thats what im actually thinking i should do too. Cant lie it will be hard cutting off everything though considering for the past 5 years we've always had some kind of contact...
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Thats the thing, shes really not an attention seeker atall, she hates people making fusses over her and she hates people knowing her business and sh*t (another reason why she said its harder to trust me cause so many people know me and know different things about me) and shes always stuck by shes been f*cked by 3 lads, me and the 2 boyfriends shes had since. I dont even know whether I believe it but im more directed to believing it cause i know it sounds mad but she always goes on rants about how girls give it up too easy these days (i know alot of slags do this hypocritical sh*t too) but its hard cause we know pretty much the same people and ALOT of things get back to me about a lot of people cause i have some form of history so people just tell me things and nothing ever really gets said about her so i cant help but think maybe she does tell the truth about the 3 lads cause honestly other than me, she doesnt go on like a slag and she did used to tell me everything she got up to and that (apart from recently when sh*t started getting funny)
stop making excuses, she is a female and u kno this is bullshitu just mentioned the hypocrisy urself... this girl was tellin a next man she loves him whilst on her way to come and f*ck u and she wants to take the moral high ground? seriously who the f*ck does she think she is.. shes some confused girl... theres nothing wrong with been a slag cos everyone has to play their part, just dont get it twisted and try to rise above ur position..ur kno alot of the same ppl.... so? was word goin round that u was bangin her when she had her man? take it it werent and no one knew sh*t... she doesnt tell u everything, u r not her best friend.. assumption is the mother of all f*ck ups and right now, u r f*ckin up/that confirms it... she wants a week break? give her a break, forever.... what this is tellin me is that she wants some seperation cos she is doin tings with next man... u just said in a earlier post she dont like ppl knowin her business so how is it she has so many voices in her ear?its gonna be hard yh but ur betta off outta dis... like how u say u may just bang it tomo.. WATCH, she wont be putting out.. she needs to get her mind right, first u say she said she wants a break all week just work and rest yet she is somin to see u tomo? if shes so indecisive about such a small thing then how can u be certain that shes certain about u, or be certain that she aint f*ckin out?every chic blows hold and cold at certain times but when its this frequent u best believe its a next man is makin it hard for her to focus
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Something maybe I should've mentioned in fact. Her last ex actually hated me (this lad was some insecure kid who held some major grudge and would always bitch about me and when id confront him hed be p*ssy but then tell other people (his boys which were also my boys)) and he had some mad hatred for me cause she always used to bring me up and always say good stuff about me and its not like this could be lies because it came from my ex yes but it also came from other people so i dont know whether she was doing the same stuff to him, this is also another reason its tough to decide.In reply to your first post:Yeah I did pop her cherry (i know this always ends up as the girl being obsessed too).Thats the thing, shes really not an attention seeker atall, she hates people making fusses over her and she hates people knowing her business and sh*t (another reason why she said its harder to trust me cause so many people know me and know different things about me) and shes always stuck by shes been f*cked by 3 lads, me and the 2 boyfriends shes had since. I dont even know whether I believe it but im more directed to believing it cause i know it sounds mad but she always goes on rants about how girls give it up too easy these days (i know alot of slags do this hypocritical sh*t too) but its hard cause we know pretty much the same people and ALOT of things get back to me about a lot of people cause i have some form of history so people just tell me things and nothing ever really gets said about her so i cant help but think maybe she does tell the truth about the 3 lads cause honestly other than me, she doesnt go on like a slag and she did used to tell me everything she got up to and that (apart from recently when sh*t started getting funny)Yeah she knew I was f*ck*ng the other girl because a while back the two of them got on quite well and my ex went to this other girl to ask advice about what she should do about me because, as i said, she even told this girl she loved me (she thought at this time that me and this other girl where just mates cause of the problems ive sorted for her) then once she told this girl this girl messaged me raging so i told me ex what was really going on then after that sh*t just got sticky between the two and theyve not been on good terms since. I'm no longer f*ck*ng this other girl because of this but she knows ive been there for her in the past which is why im thinking, did she send me the BBM cause she was bitter or cause she actually knows what id done for her and to warn me?!
Does the next girl seem like a bitter person? Or maybe she also had info from your ex that was said when they were on good terms with each other.Dude, unless she has has slept with only 1 dude before you and is determined to make the next dude she sleeps with (2nd) the final guy and marry him, then she is gassing you up with hydrogen & getting ready to light a match to make you blow up once your full of it. You know that women usually say things like the amount of people is terrible & stuff, but a few local hoes used to claim they wasn't sket and a trains ran through. It seems like your blocking out the what common sense is stelling you and blocking research about this chick. Remember, she's lied and cheated, to someone who was close to your circle, so imagine outside the connection to the circle now.TBH, that new ting was probably a bit to close home to wife off./I don't think you get what I mean by attention seeking, there is attention seeking & there's attention seeking (quick sly slam by a guy who she finds attractive / never thought would be interested).Not meaning to diss, just telling you how I'm seeing it from what you're typing. I know you desperately want to believe she's not seeking in that way and everything's gonna be ok, but real talk, it wont. /I know you will do what you want to do in the end, this has happened to most people on here that they'll hear the advice but do what they and only they want to do, but I will warn you that getting with her will = another break up. Hopefully you wont get her pregnant and or you don't catch std, because them two are worse case scenarios!
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To be honest, there is another man but I dont think its in the sence of them f*ck*ng..Her ex readded her on facebook last night (he recently deleted her because he knew about me and her) then my ex just commented with a smiley face, nothing major but I thought nar f*ck that, im clearly about to get mugged off so i said whats the deal then cause shes told me she doesnt speak to him nomore (which, from what other people say, is true).So she says he's had a lot of trouble in his life recently (some of the problems he had when they where still together) and that hes finally moving on from it/her and that its sorted (he was majorly caught up like you wouldnt believe) and he text her just letting her know but then I dont get why she'd just comment a smiley face like shes trying to get me pissed off or if she was just genuinely happy hes moving on.Everyone's always telling me that she's going about saying she loves me and how she reacts when somebody mentions me but then this mixed with recently has made me think differently then this has just took it that step further.

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