The Apprentice BBC1 9pm

[Lieutenant]

The Apprentice is back! We've waited 18 whole months since the last series (curse that pesky election), but next Wednesday multimillionaire tycoon Lord Sugar will be back in his oversized boardroom chair, pointing the finger of doom as he picks his next protege.

Brush up your business speak and prepare to give 110%; after an 18-month absence, The Apprentice returns to TV on Wednesday next week. And this time Alan Sugar is taking on the recession – considering candidates who have been made redundant or had businesses fail.

While you would probably never guess it from the predictably outrageous levels of bravado in evidence, a quarter of this year's hopefuls have faced career setbacks because of the downturn.

"What we've tried to do is encapsulate the economic climate we've found ourselves in," Lord Sugar said at the BBC1 show's launch today. "We've found some people who've been made redundant for example. One had a business that went down the pan so we've given him another chance, and there's a newcomer leaving university finding it very difficult finding themselves a job."

Rather better set up is Karren Brady, vice chairman of West Ham United and now replacement for Margaret Mountford, a woman who rolled her eyes so much it's a wonder they stayed in her head – who bowed out as Sugar's righthand woman last year.

.

THE CANDIDATES

Joanna Riley: Joanna is a 25-year-old cleaning company owner from Leicester, and mother of twin sons. She rose from humble beginnings to corporate success, and describes herself as 'honest, direct and funny'. One can only assume that her cleaning experience is going to come in hugely useful when it comes to mopping up the mess made by other contestants.

Joy Stefanicki: Joy is a 31-year-old marketing director from Birmingham. Her wisdom includes 'Be careful who you tread on as you go up as it’s likely you’ll need them on the way down.' She fell victim to the recession in 2008, which, combined with her appearance on The Apprentice, suggests there may have been some ill-advised treading somewhere along the way.

Laura Moore: Laura is a 22-year-old business development manager from Warwickshire. She is a keen astronomer, which should give Nick Hewer plenty of scope for rolling his eyes to the heavens. She bought in £500,000 of sales in her first year as a management consultant. She says: 'A lot of people can talk the talk, it’s very easy to fluff up what you’ve done but my results are hard-proven.' We say: 'You’re 22, and one year does not make a career'

Liz Locke: Liz is a 24-year-old investment banker from Birmingham. She is a fashion and food aficionado, which means she probably has a selection of bonkers hats made of fruit. She visits the gym three times a week and likens herself to Lamborghini – 'fast, exciting, stylish and successful'. We can only assume this does not extend to impractical, high maintenance and useless on rough ground

Melissa Cohen: Melissa is a 27-year-old food business manager from London. She used to be a hairdresser, but now manages a successful food business. She is inspired by Richard Branson, and warns other contestants that 'if you get in my way, I’ll mow you down.' So, a team player then. Be very afraid, this woman is trained in the handling of scissors

Sandeesh Samra: Sandeesh is a 26-year-old recruitment consultant from Nottingham. She describes herself as 'ambitious and opinionated', and advises 'Don’t go for the quick win. Look after your customers and clients.' Sage advice, but we’re guessing that when the clock is ticking and Nick Hewer is breathing down her neck, she’ll offer to sell her grandma for thruppence like everyone else

Paloma Vivanco: Paloma is a 29-year-old senior marketing manager from London. She is Peruvian and has worked all over the world before coming to the UK to fulfil her childhood dream of getting a job in Brentwood. She modestly describes herself as being 'a hyper-achiever. Everything I do is always a success.' Heaven only knows what dizzy heights she will reach when she starts giving it 110%

Stella English: Stella is a 30-year-old head of business management from London. She left school with no qualifications, is a mother of two, and the only woman in the management on the trading floor of a Japanese investment bank. She says: 'I’m like a dog with a bone, I can’t let go. If I want something, I get it.' Which begs the question – why on earth would you want to work for Amstrad?

Alex Epstein: Alex is a 26-year-old unemployed head of communications from Manchester. He was sacked from his first job making ice cream, and then got into corporate communications but fell victim to the recession. He says: 'Be different. When everyone is zigging, you should zag.' We say: 'You’re fired, for that line alone'

Chris Bates: Chris is a 24-year-old investment banker from Surrey. He is an avid rugby player and scuba diver (although not in Surrey, presumably), and would love to head a pharmaceutical company that finds a cure for worldwide illnesses. We can only assume that a stint with a company that makes Sky boxes and other technology destined for eventual landfill is exactly what big pharma is looking for

Christopher Farrell: Christopher is a 28-year-old mortgage broker from Cheshire. He is an ex-Royal Marine commando, having served his country for 10 years in various war zones. He is also committed to health and fitness and describes himself as 'focused and driven'. He says: 'I was a sniper in the Royal Marines and I take that killer instinct across into business.' We pity the fool that gets in his way

Jamie Lester: Jamie is a 28-year-old overseas property developer from London. He owned two properties by the age of 23 and started his own company at 24, turning over £1,000,000 in two-and-a-half years. He is a big fan of dogs, cars and skiing, and describes himself as 'honest and trustworthy'. We say: 'You used to be an estate agent, don’t make us laugh'

Raleigh Addington: Raleigh is a 22-year-old unemployed graduate from London. He is a professional tennis coach, and studied economics and politics at Exeter University. As far as we can tell he has no business track record at all, but he does have a silly name and says 'I’m ruthless, even in Monopoly.' We have no words. Actually, we have several, but we’ll save them for the liveblogs

Shibby Robati: Shibby Robati is a 27-year-old surgeon and business owner from London. He got his first job as a paper boy at the age of 17, then went on to become a fully qualified surgeon. He has since turned his hand to business development and says that his biggest strength is in knowing his weaknesses. He says: 'My first word wasn’t mummy. It was money.' We say: 'Seriously, where do you find these people?'

Stuart Baggs: Stuart is a 21-year-old telecoms entrepreneur from the Isle of Man. He is The Apprentice’s youngest ever candidate, and at 18 launched his own telecommunications company. Stuart describes himself as having 'no sense of political correctness', and says 'I’m Stuart Baggs the Brand – I’ve got a certain type of charisma.' Yes, he actually said 'the brand' – you didn’t imagine it

[Goddaz]

[NiNES.]

lol no nicca........AGAIN

scene

[Goddaz]

/

You hate me that much you thread-blocking & hijacking my thread just so I don't get a 100 pager?

dshs

dh

kjsdk

6

kw6k4w6

k

wtkj

e3u77

[Guest Triple XXX]

LMFAO

oh sh*t

[Francis Coquelin]

my money's on the bitch to be this year's 'token incompetent asian'

[Supermalt]

are pl fighting to be the first to post a popular thread?

[Mic Man]

some nice looking females

[Hideandseek]

are pl fighting to be the first to post a popular thread?

lol went hard, posted a week early, description, images - the whole lot

10/10

[JOHN DOE]

STUART BAGGS

he has to win simply coz of his guyish name.

[Thun]

STUART BAGGS

he has to win simply coz of his guyish name.

[JOHN DOE]

STUART BAGGS

he has to win simply coz of his guyish name.

same face i made when ur idol said certain niggas were really lizards d*ckhead

/

clearly jokes fly over ur head but conspiracies stay cloggin up ur two brain cells

[Thun]

STUART BAGGS

he has to win simply coz of his guyish name.

clearly jokes fly over ur head but conspiracies stay cloggin up ur two brain cells

I dont see the joke in your post but only faggott tendencies

[Trilliam]

Goddaz is actually pissed.

[JOHN DOE]

STUART BAGGS

he has to win simply coz of his guyish name.

clearly jokes fly over ur head but conspiracies stay cloggin up ur two brain cells

I dont see the joke in your post but only faggott tendencies

i kno u r but what am i

[Guest Loso]

Goddaz is actually pissed.

Init

Tryna laugh it off

Hes wishing he could turn back time right now

[Goddaz]

Surely you man meant to say 'Lewis is actually pissed', look how deep & far man went to ghost me off the thread

/

Keep it moving, it's snuffin

[Lieutenant]

What the f*ck?

I didn't make this thread

My money's on Ice

[A Bit Better]

LMFAO someone made the thread and put your name on it? Naaaah... Not even sure that's possible!

Lol at there being not one f*ckable chick. NOT ONE!? That's sh*t.

A dude will win it this time... Heard last season's winner is pregnant already and Alan's pissed.

[Reivax ™]

some nice looking females

[Lieutenant]

LMFAO someone made the thread and put your name on it? Naaaah... Not even sure that's possible!

LOL come on bruv

This is where I was linked to the original thread Goddaz made which has now been deleted...

Apparently what liverpool fans are watching tonight

I made a comment laughing that Goddaz wanted his name on a 100 pager and yeah.. lol

[carpedeum]

yeh alan comes across like he secretly doesnt want a young woman to win lol.

not sure why the overseas property developer is going for this though

[JOHN DOE]

lol them thun syndromes there

[Trilliam]

Surely you man meant to say 'Lewis is actually pissed', look how deep & far man went to ghost me off the thread

/

Keep it moving, it's snuffin

Creasing

[Ismooth]

Seems like its going to be interesting series for real, what time does it start next week ?