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Women's infidelity - Cheating women in modern society

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http://www.squidoo.com/womensinfidelityThe increasing problem of women's infidelity.In an increasingly fast paced society full of mixed messages it's no wonder that people are finding it more difficult to recognise which way is up. We often don't have time to make sense of what we absorb, and if we do find time, the information is often contradictory. Women, in particular, are having a hard time of this. While the women's liberation movement has been a good thing, in respect to women gaining equality in many aspect of life, it has to be said that the emotional evolution that is needed in order to deal with this change is often languishing. Social influences (both modern and antiquated) often wrestle with physiological urges creating an internal tug-o-war that seems to never have a clear winner. Today I hope to explore how this affects relationships, to be more specific, making some observations on infidelity by women. God knows there are enough articles about men's infidelity, so it's about time we explore the other half of the equation.So what's the low down? "The media has finally begun to acknowledge, albeit to a small degree, the widespread problem of woman infidelity. Recently, several books and articles have attempted to explain why women are now cheating as much as men. However, none were successful in their attempt. All of them left out very important pieces to this extremely complicated puzzle. I believe the majority were simply unable to find all of the information necessary to figure out the problem. Although, I'm certain that some were just afraid to disclose certain key pieces of information because the truth, quite frankly, is so contrary to our current beliefs. Unfortunately, without these missing pieces, it's impossible to understand, and to subsequently fix, the real problem occurring in relationships today." - Michelle Langley, author of Women's InfidelityWomen's relationships today are beginning to follow a very predictable pattern. They push men for commitment. They inevitably get what they want. They lose interest in sex. They become attracted to someone else. They start cheating, if not physically, at least emotionally. They become angry and resentful. They begin telling their partners that they need time apart or just start seeing friends more often. They blame their partners for their behaviour...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages. The consensus seems to suggest the 4-5 year mark as the prime time for this to occur. Women initiate more than 70% of divorces according to a 2006 survey.Women, in generally, genuinely believe themselves to be "not the type" to ever cheat. This eventually is proven wrong but still women claim to not be the type. Instead they focus on the 'extraordinary' set of circumstances that "made" them do it, these circumstances are so common, that it is laughable hearing these excuses. A woman will undoubtedly feel shocked and appalled of their behaviour; but at the same time, she won't be able to stop it.The man on the other hand would probably never suspect his wife or partner of cheating, not only because of the partner's disinterest in sex, but also because they believe her to be a "good girl". The case seems to be that their partner leaves the man without any infidelities coming to light.Women's relationships and marriages will continue to follow this same pattern unless we develop an accurate understanding of women, particularly in regards to their sexuality. Lack of honesty with themselves, or an almost intentional denial, also seems to be a common afflictions. Inevitably hindering the process of finding answers.So is there any hope? Whether a relationship survives this stage is often dependant on whether a woman can first identify and acknowledge what is actually going on. At which point, it becomes dependant on whether, through good communication, together with her partner, these problems are addressed. Too often, things never get past the identification and acknowledgement stage, and we end up with people believing they have fallen "out of love" with their partner, or that their partner was never the right one. Neglect of the relationship is the more likely cause. In short, women know less about what they want today, than they did in the past, and they are confusing themselves. That's not to say that this isn't the case with men too. It doesn't help that women are fed contradictory mantras their whole upbringing resulting in them believing they can have it all including the fairytale relationship. Some even believe they are entitled to it. We could go into the importance of creating an environment for love to flourish, but it's an article for another time.Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity speaks of her own experience that typifies what most women encounter. "Shortly after my 27th birthday, I began to feel very different. I had been happily married for 4 years and then, suddenly out of nowhere, I began feeling bored and unhappy. In an attempt to figure out what was causing my unhappiness, I looked for answers in books, tried to talk to my Mother and eventually went to see a psychologist. All of the information I received attributed the way I was feeling to my husband, and similar to the majority of women, I began to view my husband as the culprit too. Later, through my own research, I discovered that what I was experiencing was quite normal. In fact, women are the most likely to divorce in their late twenties and thirties after an average of 4 years of marriage. During this time, it's quite common for women to experience a pre-midlife crisis, which is similar to the man midlife crisis, only with an important difference - a difference that can actually make women more likely to cheat than men."Stage 1 How it all beginsThrough personal experience, and the many articles/books I have read on the subject, it seems fair to split this behaviour into 4 different stages. One might argue that all women in long term relationships will get to at least stage one. Whether they progress to the next stage is dependant on a variety of factors that include, but are not limited to, ability to cope with feelings of anxiety, ability to identify their problems and take necessary steps to address them before its too late etc.Stage 1Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They often have all the things that they wanted - a home, a family, a great husband - but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They view sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, or that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.Stage 2 Just when you think things are going wellWomen at Stage 2 experience a newfound sexual desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a "new" man involve sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters.Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis, even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves. Reflecting society's belief that women are either "good" or "bad," women will question their "good girl" status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband's past behaviour. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow.Stage 3 It might just be too late nowWomen at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. In some cases the women have already left in an effort to make the actions socially acceptable, or internally justifiable.Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before. They feel "alive" again and many believe they have found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in love.These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable to stick with their decisions.Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. "Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?" this is the question continuously on the minds of women at Stage 3 - it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women's past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands.The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a "search for self." Some women deal with this in silence, and let it suck the life out of their relationship. Others convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Some women may only do this only after leaving their partner, the woman will insist on complete privacy during this time. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs.Women at Stage 3 may otherwise be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a "new" relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their "good girl" status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is temporarily rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on.Stage 4 The aftermathThe women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner's primary relationship.The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find they experience similar feelings in the new relationship.We have all been there All this information matches perfectly with my experiences with women, both in the three serious relationships I have had (including one marriage), and with what I have learnt/seen by being a shoulder to cry on for many a woman. The woman usually ends up playing the victim even when she causes it.It is not the end of the relationship in most cases if your wife has been cheating, the book below is a good guide as to when you should hold on and when to let go. It teaches you how you can turn this bad situation into a winning one.In today's society we instil the belief, in our children, that they can do anything, they can have it all. Women in particular fall victim to this blatant lie. They are told that they can be CEO of a company whilst still being the best mother a child could ask for. A women is undoubtable the most important person in a young child's live, and as such, to be a brilliant mother one must assume that a certain amount off time and effort must be dedicated to motherhood. Stay at home mothers will attest to this. To become a successful career person in any field requires a lot of dedication of time, effort and most importantly, focus. There simply aren't enough hours in a day to be everything we are conditioned to want. The women of today grow up wanting, and increasingly expecting, everything. And the modern women is having a hard time of it when it doesn't work out to be so. Unrealistic expectations are leading to greater anxiety amongst women and a massive increase in the diagnosis of depression. As with everything else in life, these expectations, find their way into their personal lives.Not for a minute am I suggesting that a woman can't have a successful career and be a good mother. There are plenty of women out there that prove it possible. But none of them could argue that there weren't plenty of compromises made along the way. And almost all will have a good view of the bigger picture. In this we find a more healthy and realistic attitude to life. If applied to a relationship this can help stop women mistaking natural physiologic occurrences for a sign of something being wrong with the relationship that can't be fixed. Sure there could be, and probably are, things that need fixing is said relationship, but it's important to see the real issues, not a clouded perspective of the issues. A greater understanding of the bigger picture is becoming more important in this modern world as it helps us see the influences that are push and pulling us in various directions. This is where the focus of our teachings should be, not telling people that fairytales can come true for each and everyone one of them and at the same time not giving them the ability to see the big picture. If you spend your whole time looking at your feet when walking, you will eventually hit something, or worse, something will hit you.Women want their cake and you don't get to have any. All too often I find women telling me what they want in a relationship, and just as often I find blatant contradictions, or they would require a man that is not only a mind reader, but so completely selfless that he doesn't actually have a mind or life of his own.All this is happening because we are increasingly unaware of what drives/influences us. We aren't armed with the necessary information, and often humility and courage, to find out the information for ourselves and in turn to address these issues. The solution to these problems is often a lot simpler than most realise. Isn't it about time we found the courage to really look at ourselves and be honest? Men are often better at this than women, we often seem like we have no shame, but this is usually because we are well aware of our limitations, and those of life. A modern man has had to draw on this in order to make the changes necessary in an attempt to make the ever-changing modern relationship work, to adapt. Why does the one thing that could save us from ourselves, and save our relationships, always seem so hard for a woman?Emotions seem to be the enemy of self-honesty, how we see through them to find the truth is another question all together, maybe someone can answer that for me. I have experienced infidelity in both my first two relationships, and my marriage also fits with what all the information suggests. Later discussions with the women in both my first relationships have resulted in them agreeing with these findings, giving me the hope that people can in fact succeed in seeing what is really going on and being honest with themselves. Doing it before it's too late seems to be what most women find hardest. Logic suggests that if our teachings have helped create the problem, that we have the power to help fix them. And this is of course the light that I speak of above; now we just need to convince the often emotionally blinded women out there, that this is in fact the right path to take.With these sorts of changes, you will find a lot more women placing responsibility on themselves for how they feel, and hence, I am sure you will find a drop in the infidelity of women. Like everything else in life, the bigger picture shows us that everything, in some way, affects everything else. The holistic approach must be embraced.http://www.squidoo.com/womensinfidelity
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Ceazy did quite the number on you didn't she?f*ckin' ell, that's not even blocks of text, those are f*ck*ng favelas of text.

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Well, since being at Uni, I've enjoyed reading quite a lot. I remember the days before Uni and I used to dread reading large amounts of texts but now i love it. It's how you learn you know? nonetheless, an interesting article.

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Lol at talking about women's infedelity. Do you know how many men cheat!? sh*t is basically routine. Guys on my team opened my eyes to this... One of them lives with his chick and recently went on holiday in the US. To quote him "I got nuts deep like 4 times! Was ace!" Next guy is engaged but eeeverytime we go out he's chasing chicks like he just got out of prison! Another dude is MARRIED and when we went to Brighton we tag teamed a couple chicks. Best wing man I've ever had I must say but that's not the point!Women cheat because either they're just a whore or something has made them behave that way. Men cheat just because. And to be clear, I'm not saying I want it to change... I'm just saying.

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f*ckio s fgot filleg os shishs measm;l miuthat ficklerfs

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Lol at talking about women's infedelity. Do you know how many men cheat!? sh*t is basically routine. Guys on my team opened my eyes to this... One of them lives with his chick and recently went on holiday in the US. To quote him "I got nuts deep like 4 times! Was ace!" Next guy is engaged but eeeverytime we go out he's chasing chicks like he just got out of prison! Another dude is MARRIED and when we went to Brighton we tag teamed a couple chicks. Best wing man I've ever had I must say but that's not the point!Women cheat because either they're just a whore or something has made them behave that way. Men cheat just because. And to be clear, I'm not saying I want it to change... I'm just saying.
*claaps*
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erm, yea i aint readin that

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the summarised version might start some kind of debate....

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