Domestic violence

[Fresh]

I know it's a deep topic, but if you can, share your experiences.

[JLovely]

Never experienced it myself but the things ive heard from others are shocking including girl i went to school with being kicked in the face, another one being trapped in a flat for two days, another threatened with a knife in front of their child...list goes on and each other them have done this "Im never going to talk to him again" and have *sigh*

[kurious]

remember that video, by Eve, love is blind

it used to make me introspective

man to hit a woman is a sensitive situation

[BLACK VICTIM]

dunno but seems like in my family they love getting tumped up by their man lol real talk

remember a convo with my cousin when i was like 9 he was about 13 and said they will always get licks from their man we just have to make sure we dont let it happen to our mums or sisters

such a defeatist view looking, back as a 22 year old man it is very disheartening

edit: never my mum though she had her head screwed on too tight for that sh*t but their are a lot of women in our family, older ones (more men in my generation)

it is very common, too common in fact and something a women is rarely gonna admit, dunno how a man could do it, would only hit my bird if she violated mum or took the utter piss or hit me first when it was not warranted (all valid reasons for slappin up a bitch imo)

[JOHN DOE]

would only hit my bird if she violated mum or took the utter piss or hit me first when it was not warranted (all valid reasons for slappin up a bitch imo)

[Mic Man]

I've punched up a random girl who tried fighting my sister. Would do it again no qualms

Would never hit my girl tho even if she pisses me off real bad.

[Michel Kane]

Saw it at home. Some insane sh*t, from young too.

As I grew older though, the way I started to 'get it', fack.

Boy, put it this way, every woman is capable of it, but no way am I choosing a life partner who likes to goad men.

[JLovely]

What do you mean when you say you got it?

[Michel Kane]

I mean, in this case, it was my mother. So she could do no wrong, meaning, there's no justification for it.

Then you get older, the naivety goes, you see her for character, not the fact she birthed me & you're like, ''I'm not saying he should've done it, but I understand''

This may sound crazy to everyone on this forum, but I've been on the verge of striking my own mother. And I love her. So boy...

[JLovely]

I totally understand what you mean when you say you see them as a person as opposed to just your parent.

In regards to wanting to strike your own mother boy....

[Michel Kane]

Put it this way. The kinda sh*t she'd be spewing would land any other person in ICU.

[Woodpecker]

certain chicks gotta gedit if they aint gettin the bread in, two nights on the trot no punts I AINT PETTING

but on a rilz, legit reasons for smacking chicks was given above, if your pimpin them whatevers your level

[Elementalism]

Don't want to hear anyone chatting sh*t or justifying anything in this thread.

Lived under the threat of it for years. Few years ago my dad laid hands on my mum and my brother ended up fighting with him in a very public bust up. Don't tell many people about it because it's close to my heart but this thread seems real.

Mum left loads over the years, but always came back. My parents relationship pretty much dissolved around the business that they run - we never had a family area and never went on holiday. First time I went to Jamaica was with my mum (last year) and bro to bury my grandmother (dad's mum). Fully rate and respect my mum for not breaking up my family. Love my dad too, and as a Libra I try my hardest to understand the reasoning behind people's decisions, but I cannot justify his behaviour.

My brother is currently re-enacting my dad's violent behaviour, which was usually triggered by my dad's drinking (doesn't help that the family business involves alcohol). Really worried that he will become a worse version, as that sort of behaviour is usually learned from parents. Hurts a lot as we both suffered a lot as children, and I don't want my bro to unwittingly become abusive.

Sometimes I worry that my life and upbringing will f*ck up my future relationships. My dad doesn't really clock that he is acting out the behaviour he learnt from my Grandad, and doesn't recognize that my bro's behaviour is learned from him. It's f*cked.

Love my life and my family, but it's been a hard grind and it's hard to realize how much damage has been done until time has passed.

[Benicio del Toney]

Feel for you Mike Kane and Elementalism.

Some of my earliest memories were of my mum and dad fighting, or hearing my mum shriek and going in the passage to see my dad holding my mum by her hair, put something inside me still.

Like Mike Kane tryna look at the situation no bias, my mum was pregnant with me at 17 and I think they both felt the pressures of being young parents, my mum does have a sharp mouth on her but I think the situation was fuelled by my dad's mother.

When I say that I mean My grandad was married to my grandmother in Jamaica, they had my dad, he left to come England to build some stability by himself.

Few years later he calls back for my grandma and my dad and they follow him to England.

The thing my grandad doesn't know is over the last few years while he has been working like a dog, taking sh*t in this country, my grandma has had 3 other kids with 3 other men, he finds out only through community chit chat.

I think my grandad started laying down the pimp hand lol rightly so imo cos she took him for anything, I can't rate her since I got old enough to understand the situation fully.

And my grandad is the most timid, kindest man on the earth while my grandma is a bit fake still, I know that had an affect on my dad he still flopped imo so I don't rate him either.

Most of you know the situation between me and my dad, had an argument around the time my friend died at 17, over nothing really, him just being stupid, my mum stepped him, he put his finger in my mums direction and

BLAM

Sparked him.

Pretty f*cked up but I don't regret it, was very liberating and the day I thought to myself I don't have to take sh*t of a SINGLE person in this world just cos.

Had my problems with my ex, had to lay hands on her for disrespect to my mum but been with my current 9 years and never laid a finger on her, glad to have broken the cycle.

[Elementalism]

Yeah my bro sparked my dad in front of nuff people. Was deep. I had to tell my dad that I'd kill him if he did it again which was HUGE for me because my dad struck the fear of God into my from early on. I basically broke it down to him just after I came out of my mum's room having seen her with a black eye, and told him that nobody on this planet APART from him has the right to do that once and live and he would only get once chance from me.

Nuts. That year was f*cked. Just me and my dad in the yard on Christmas, a very burnt and unappealing dinner, no bro, no mum. Basically did any drug I could to forget for a bit, was the start of a lot of raving and reality escaping. Mum came back though.

Trust me VIP2, if you lot knew my mum you'd have nothing but respect for her. The sh*t she has put up with, and the way she has stayed strong for her kids is REAL. She could have left and done the standard divorce thing, but she didn't - and even though my parents still bicker from time to time it's not as bad as it was. I full rate that.

/

Toney, that's kinda the opposite situation to my Jamaican grandad. He came over, sent for the kids, left my grandma at home. Came to England, remarried a lady called Hilda (was nice but never called her grandma), Hilda proceeds to hide all correspondence from my grandma to my grandad, bare snakeyness, but understandable in a way. My grandad was a VERY dominating personality, man was lifting up bulls and cows on his ones in Jamaica like it was NOTHING. He backed out a knife on my dad when they were arguing once. Also kicked my dad out of his yard in Leeds back in the day in the middle of winter for a late rent payment or something. The way my dad acted around him made me realize that my pops definitely saw some things when he was younger.

My grandma eventually came to England when I was born and helped raise me and my little bro to help my parents out. Was deep, but they never got back together or even saw each other. There was just a huge 35-40 year gap and then they died in seperate countries, grandad died last year early, grandma died in May.

[Guest28]

I mean, in this case, it was my mother. So she could do no wrong, meaning, there's no justification for it.

Then you get older, the naivety goes, you see her for character, not the fact she birthed me & you're like, ''I'm not saying he should've done it, but I understand''

This may sound crazy to everyone on this forum, but I've been on the verge of striking my own mother. And I love her. So boy...

100% agress with u, seeing the parent as a person, starting to see my mum like that now, egt to point were u realise ur parents aint the smartest perosn in the world

/

but yer never been around, dnt think any of my family has been through it, tbh i got to many cousins an uncles for that sh*t to happen

[Elementalism]

My dad was the eldest, as was my mum. Made it hard to family to get involved. Not an easy situation at all.

I just want to make sure the cycle is broken! Me and my bro have had issues with violence all our lives, I'm just about on top of it (no fights for a good number of years), but I do worry.

I just about get what you mean, but if you have learned to understand your mum's behaviour let her know that you can see what it triggers off. I've done that with my mum. Typical flashpoint scenario: Dad's DIY messes up, pipes leak, toilets leak, whatever. My says 'Let's get a plumber in'. Cue hours of arguing and resentment on both sides.

Mum just wants things to be done.

Dad just wants to show he can do things.

No midpoint.

[Elementalism]

@ Fresh - tell your story bro. I'm feeling all naked in the e-wilderness right now

[JLovely]

Feel for you Mike Kane and Elementalism.

Some of my earliest memories were of my mum and dad fighting, or hearing my mum shriek and going in the passage to see my dad holding my mum by her hair, put something inside me still.

Like Mike Kane tryna look at the situation no bias, my mum was pregnant with me at 17 and I think they both felt the pressures of being young parents, my mum does have a sharp mouth on her but I think the situation was fuelled by my dad's mother.

When I say that I mean My grandad was married to my grandmother in Jamaica, they had my dad, he left to come England to build some stability by himself.

Few years later he calls back for my grandma and my dad and they follow him to England.

The thing my grandad doesn't know is over the last few years while he has been working like a dog, taking sh*t in this country, my grandma has had 3 other kids with 3 other men, he finds out only through community chit chat.

I think my grandad started laying down the pimp hand lol rightly so imo cos she took him for anything, I can't rate her since I got old enough to understand the situation fully.

And my grandad is the most timid, kindest man on the earth while my grandma is a bit fake still, I know that had an affect on my dad he still flopped imo so I don't rate him either.

Most of you know the situation between me and my dad, had an argument around the time my friend died at 17, over nothing really, him just being stupid, my mum stepped him, he put his finger in my mums direction and

BLAM

Sparked him.

Pretty f*cked up but I don't regret it, was very liberating and the day I thought to myself I don't have to take sh*t of a SINGLE person in this world just cos.

Had my problems with my ex, had to lay hands on her for disrespect to my mum but been with my current 9 years and never laid a finger on her, glad to have broken the cycle.

That is deep. So did your grandfather take on those children or did they stay in JA?

[Badman]

For all my dads b/s he never touched my mum and I respect him for that.

[Benicio del Toney]

The girl came over here in her teens, the 2 boys stayed in JA.

I think they are resentful that their mother left them over there tbh.

My grandad and grandma had a daughter over here aswell, she is the youngest, my dad's only full sibling.

[Elementalism]

For all my dads b/s he never touched my mum and I respect him for that.

Until I was like 22, my pops didn't. He had before I was born once or twice, but had made up. He used to get proper fiery though, threaten all sorts of madness that he never went through with. My dad is known for being a hotstepper from back in the day, so people don't cross him, but it was the alcohol.

My pops is much older than most of yours too, I'd imagine. Probably more around your grandparents' age, so he was very old school. For someone born in the 30s/40s like him, seeing your mum get a beating was casually normal. A nuh nut'n.

[JLovely]

My jamaican grandads got 3 kids by 2 women outside his marriage to my grandmother and theres resent from them as well because obviously they got left with their mums in JA. It's deep when you hear all the stories. 40 odd years on and i know my grandma still hasnt forgiven him.

[Soca Junkie]

Witnessing DV growing up has taught me to follow my brain and not my heart if I'm ever put in that situation.

Whenever it started I was always there to defend my mum, would never lock myself in my room like one of my aunts told me to.

It was always over dumb sh*t too... but because he dabbled in drugs the paranoia got to my step daddy. Mum tried to leave, but always came back.

From being kneed in the stomach whilst 7 months pregnant, to being strangled with the belt... I've seen it all and can't get rid of the images.

Had to flee in the night with the help of my uncles... stayed with family for about a year till we eventually found somewhere in Hertfordshire she thought he'd never find.

But he did. The scary thing is... I see my step-dad's attitude and anger in my little sister now.

[YFSD]

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