RYDER.

Short film that I wrote & directed(A Conversation)

13 posts in this topic

Hello vipers! I have not been here in a while.

I've just uploaded this film on youtube. Would love for you guys to watch it and give me your honest opinions. I decided to post it here first to see what you guys think because I know  VIP2 don't sugercoat anything when it comes to criticism and opinions...so be brutal! Thank you!

 

Simply put, the story is about a young man who visits an inmate who committed a crime as a child, but there is more to the story,well atleast I hope there is!..you be the judge!

 

I won't go into detail about the process of making this film just yet incase that clouds your judgement. 

 

 

Again, thank you so much for watching and I really do hope you enjoy this little film of mine. I am tired as fuck, will reply tomorrow if there are responses!

 

ENJOY PEOPLE!

& please no trolling

 

:)

-2

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its a kool story bro but whats....

 

argh

 

lah it

 

/

 

will watch when high

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ill say one thing off the bat, improve the sound quality

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ill say one thing off the bat, improve the sound quality

 

this

 

had to give up on the 7 min mark when some background music started to drown out their voices

 

some of the dialogue comes across forced, gotta make me believe that this is what these people are actually saying and not what you've told them to say!

 

white guy comes across like he's trying to sound more intelligent then he actually is

 

black guy the same, except there are points where his English is slightly off which makes it worse

 

was also wondering why the interviewer would get pissed off and try storm out

 

and why the inmate would care enough to persuade him to sit back down

 

but I guess me not watchin past the 7 min mark means I can't be too critical

 

I like the concept though, GL

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Yh was all a bit sixth form drama tbh

Idea is good tho

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ill say one thing off the bat, improve the sound quality

 

this

 

had to give up on the 7 min mark when some background music started to drown out their voices

 

some of the dialogue comes across forced, gotta make me believe that this is what these people are actually saying and not what you've told them to say!

 

white guy comes across like he's trying to sound more intelligent then he actually is

 

black guy the same, except there are points where his English is slightly off which makes it worse

 

was also wondering why the interviewer would get pissed off and try storm out

 

and why the inmate would care enough to persuade him to sit back down

 

but I guess me not watchin past the 7 min mark means I can't be too critical

 

I like the concept though, GL

Thanks for watching guys!!

I will most definitely look more into sound in the future. I see what you're saying about the dialogue Zizouz, I had to consciously crank it up to make it a little more interesting but it obviously didn't work! As for the characters, the guy in prison was supposed to sound more intelligent than he is... Watching back I do agree what you said about the other fella. Wish you would have watched till the end but that of course lies solely with my attempt at film making;

This is the first script I've ever written & first time directing,it was shot on my little DSLR that I bought back in december, I pretty much did everything, produced,edited,directed and wrote. This little project is my film school,I am ignorant to the concept of film making because its never been taught and I've never taken any writing lessons- so I had to make this type of film specifically to see the stuff that I can't do & to hopefully improve on it..I could have taken a slightly easier route and made a urban short film set in brixton

I do very much appreciate the criticism vipers!

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Sound is very poor

 

quickly boost it up and update it on youtube

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Sound is very poor

 

quickly boost it up and update it on youtube

 

I'd watch it the whole way though if you did this

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Will watch later but congrats on getting your 1st short out there and taking criticism so well.

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Started to watch but was struggling to hear even with volume all the way up.

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I'm on Kindle which has good sound, maybe that's why I have no problem with the sound?

 

Thought it was decent, music totally inappropriate for the scenes though, needs to fit a lot better, comes like some random music just added in.

 

Thought they both acted well, story not the easiest to understand though, needed to be a lot clearer imo.

 

See you tried to drop the twist at the end aswell, by then I was struggling and looking at the timer thinking "Ain't nobody got time for this" lol but kool.

 

 

Decent 1st effort.

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