Absentee Fathers....

[Guest Mickey Kane]

[Ja Rule]''The only man to love me's, above me holla!''[Ja Rule]There's only 2 things that are certain to bring me to tears or at the very least to the brink of tears. Thinking about/missing my 2 little brothers & watching that scene in Fresh Prince just for the sheer emotion displayed and how freakishly related it is to my growing up. Technically, it isn't that freakish, considering this has been the case for children for God knows how long...I actually met my biological father last December and sh*t was emotional, I wasn't that enthusiastic considering I ain't seen dude in so long and that he didn't make the sort of effort a father should make, to see his one and only son. He promised me this & he promised me that. Suprisingly enough, it's March and nothing has changed. Now normally, it wouldn't have bothered me too much, but the fact I'm going through a very troubling time, makes it just that lil' bit more bitter for me.And this question comes into my head. What in the hell goes through some of these men's minds? I mean, that's your seed. How would you react were something awful happen to them. We live in a society where young men like us, get killed for absolutely nothing.Ahhhh, I just needed to air some sh*t out. Writing has been somewhat therapeutic for me.I know there's guys (and girls) with experience on this....Speak on it....

[Jodie]

Why do DADS have to be such f*ckers? even mine gets on my nerves, but he's always been around.I dnt really kno what to say on this situation cos ive always had mine around, but parents, let alone jus fathers should always be there and keep their promises especially when ur his one and only son.

[Grafter]

personallyi learnt a long time ago, not to expect nothing from no onecome to realise that even my mum, shes only human u knowhavin a yout dont make u a super human being, gna be the same f*ckry person u was before you had the youtif it was in you to step up to responsibility you woulda done so when your baby arrivedif u was always a coward, then you woulda ran away like a coward

[Ella]

boy, I dunno what to say. people will let you down, even blood. at least you'll learn from his action's and be a better dad to your kids one day. I heard a while back that my biological dad wants to get in contact with me (he probably wants a kidney or something), but I refuse to see him.

[FACE OFF]

i dont know fammy baby mothers other yute has a dad and i found out he has 3 OTHER KIDS and he dont see this one unless my baby mother brings him to see his dad.f*cked up i kinda infact not kinda I DONT LIKE HIM he had that big talk when he started seeing my babymother that and i quote"i see younger face off as my own son"WHAT A f*ckIN PRICK YOUR NOT EVEN THERE FOR YOUR OWN YUTEi dont know fam i dont know why they do it all i know is he will be pissed when im reaching his sons football matches before he ever even knows he had a football matchWASTEMAN

[FACE OFF]

personallyi learnt a long time ago, not to expect nothing from no onecome to realise that even my mum, shes only human u knowhavin a yout dont make u a super human being, gna be the same f*ckry person u was before you had the youtif it was in you to step up to responsibility you woulda done so when your baby arrivedif u was always a coward, then you woulda ran away like a coward

not strictly true having a yute can actually make some man MAN UP.

[Benicio del Toney]

personallyi learnt a long time ago, not to expect nothing from no onecome to realise that even my mum, shes only human u knowhavin a yout dont make u a super human being, gna be the same f*ckry person u was before you had the youtif it was in you to step up to responsibility you woulda done so when your baby arrivedif u was always a coward, then you woulda ran away like a coward

Real Talk

[Benicio del Toney]

personallyi learnt a long time ago, not to expect nothing from no onecome to realise that even my mum, shes only human u knowhavin a yout dont make u a super human being, gna be the same f*ckry person u was before you had the youtif it was in you to step up to responsibility you woulda done so when your baby arrivedif u was always a coward, then you woulda ran away like a coward

not strictly true having a yute can actually make some man MAN UP.

Thats what she meant about stepping up to responsibilty when the baby arrives.

[Mr Q]

Boy, my father wasnt absent but he may well have been. Guy is useless, have no connection with him at all the most i can speak to him about is whose playing football at the weekend.I know i cant predict the future but i could never not try with my kids.

[LuLu]

Boy, my father is useless piece of sh*t, have no connection with him at all , walked out on my mum when i was two( he ran off with a BIMBO ) , not spoke or seen him for just over a year now ( not that i ever spoke or saw him a lot anyway ).tbh i only saw him when it was present giving season anyway , used him for his money ( i had to get sumit out of him , clearly couldnt get a father, daughter relationship out of him )

[Lieutenant]

In a society where fathers(black fathers inparticular) get slated quite hard i have to give props to my dadbeen there for me since day one and will drop ANYTHING for mebig up!

[Goddaz]

For me it was a ting of how can you miss something you never had?Since birth been without him we got separated by warAs far as I know his dead but I have no solid proof.sh*t, if he appeared tomorrow I'd be like:'Hello, how are you?'. I'd have no negative or ill thoughts towards him regardless of his absence in my life.

I sense alot of hatred from ppl towards their absent paps. Personally speaking I think what's the point? Right or wrong he made that decision. Hating & harbouring bad feelings towards him ain't going to do you any good. If anything it will build up more hate which you'll transfer it to something else or someone. It's pointless.Yes his wotless, has never been there, its not how its suppose to be but hey. He could have done this or that but thats how sh*t goes for some of us.Live your life & know just coz someone is your blood, it doesn't automatically entitle you to certain things in life FROM them even if its suppose the responsible thing.Humans are enately selfish. Your paps is no different.

[drifterman]

dad died when i was 16 months stillrather not have 1 then 1 try walk into my life nowi would air him anyway

[Guest The Member]

In a society where fathers(black fathers inparticular) get slated quite hard i have to give props to my dadbeen there for me since day one and will drop ANYTHING for mebig up!

for real

[Nola D]

personallyi learnt a long time ago, not to expect nothing from no onecome to realise that even my mum, shes only human u knowhavin a yout dont make u a super human being, gna be the same f*ckry person u was before you had the youtif it was in you to step up to responsibility you woulda done so when your baby arrivedif u was always a coward, then you woulda ran away like a coward

c/s with this a lot tbh, although i have a heavy realationship with my mum. My dad on the other hand wasnt meant to be a parent, we dont talk now either, i aint bitter about the situation not anymore i just pity him

[Grafter]

personallyi learnt a long time ago, not to expect nothing from no onecome to realise that even my mum, shes only human u knowhavin a yout dont make u a super human being, gna be the same f*ckry person u was before you had the youtif it was in you to step up to responsibility you woulda done so when your baby arrivedif u was always a coward, then you woulda ran away like a coward

c/s with this a lot tbh, although i have a heavy realationship with my mum. My dad on the other hand wasnt meant to be a parent, we dont talk now either, i aint bitter about the situation not anymore i just pity him

nah me and my mum are cool stilljus make a mental note to myself that she can only be herself

[Guest Mickey Kane]

All this, ''Well, they're only human'' talk is bullshit to me...I know, that there are alot of unplanned pregnancies but as soon as that child comes, you step your game up. It should be a standard. You do the best you can, to ensure that boy/girl is alright and you have to prepare them for life ahead.Now, it's one thing being present and not doing sh*t. But not being present?No excuse. Simple as. As a parent, when you abandon your child, s/he is vunerable to all sorts of sh*t. And what's your excuse? You wasn't ready? f*ck outta here.And to be honest, everyone has their own way of dealing with it. But you can't dismiss someone's resentment for that parent just like that, especially if the absence has had a effect on the way they've grown up.

[Grafter]

All this, ''Well, they're only human'' talk is bullshit to me...I know, that there are alot of unplanned pregnancies but as soon as that child comes, you step your game up. It should be a standard. You do the best you can, to ensure that boy/girl is alright and you have to prepare them for life ahead.Now, it's one thing being present and not doing sh*t. But not being present?No excuse. Simple as. As a parent, when you abandon your child, s/he is vunerable to all sorts of sh*t. And what's your excuse? You wasn't ready? f*ck outta here.And to be honest, everyone has their own way of dealing with it. But you can't dismiss someone's resentment for that parent just like that, especially if the absence has had a effect on the way they've grown up.

me personally im not dismissin ur resentmentbut they are human, might be a human prick or a human arsehole, but thats just it, its not bullshitbeing human is by no means justification for abandonin ur seed, but it takes all kinda people to make this worldyou know the right thing to do, but not everyone will think in the same wayi would rather a parent not be present, then be around and not do nothing, f*cks sh*t up more imoand furthermore, its hard not to harbour resentment, but it only really has a detrimental effect on you, wastin valuable brain space dwellin on iteasy to say these things tho

[violet]

my dad lived with me till i was 7 but you never would of known it....he was hardly ever there.the guy just lives in manor park and he doesn't ever make the effort to come and see me.the only time i see him or speak to him is if i go to my aunts house or if she calls me and she hands him the phone to say hello.don't really expect anything else from him tbh. i have two older half brothers that i see more often than he does.and i have two younger half siblings....both of whom have almost got taken into care due to neglect and are now living with other members of the family.hes a wasteman really....its sad but thats life...what you going to do.tbh i think its better that he wasn't around....i don't need those kind of influences in my life.

[Guest Got Dat Cronik]

i hate it wen i see youts out wid der dads and there all happy n sh*tyeah im hating so wot?????and y do youts who live were dads still try to go on like badmans??

[Grafter]

i hate it wen i see youts out wid der dads and there all happy n sh*tyeah im hating so wot?????

i kno what u mean, stillexcept i dnt hate them, i do feel a bit jealouslike you know the way people regard their fathers, the way they think they are so great, "my dad this my dad that" jus dont have a clue what that feels likethat relationshipi love to see, young men with their youts, nuffin makes me happier, cos i kno nuff a dem youts didnt have a dad for whatever reason

[JLovely]

i hate it wen i see youts out wid der dads and there all happy n sh*tyeah im hating so wot?????

i kno what u mean, stillexcept i dnt hate them, i do feel a bit jealouslike you know the way people regard their fathers, the way they think they are so great, "my dad this my dad that" jus dont have a clue what that feels likethat relationshipi love to see, young men with their youts, nuffin makes me happier, cos i kno nuff a dem youts didnt have a dad for whatever reason

I love it too. Not too long ago I saw this guy with his lil girl and I jus had to watch dem they were laughin together...made me smile.

[Lieutenant]

and y do youts who live were dads still try to go on like badmans??

[Ella]

i love to see, young men with their youts, nuffin makes me happier, cos i kno nuff a dem youts didnt have a dad for whatever reason

I love it too. Not too long ago I saw this guy with his lil girl and I jus had to watch dem they were laughin together...made me smile.

same here. every now and then at work i'll see dads coming in with their kid(s) and they'll look so happy together like they've had fun and have really enjoyed being together. Even if me and the father of my kids did seperate, I'd want it so that the kid/s would still want see him and he 'd make the effort to see them

[Soca Junkie]

The situation with my father is rather weird... I mean the dude only saw me when I was born and that was it.Reason being... his parents were against him seeing my mother (shes black) but he loves the black pooontaang so carried on the relationship. Found out she was pregnant with me and he was happy... but of course his parents didnt agree because of her race and their age. So he listened to them and stopped seein her... but she didnt listen to them and basically kept me.When i turned 18 I vowed to find the f*ckers ALL of them and see wagwarn... but this didnt happen till i turned 20... got to my grandparents front door and told them who i was. Only got to speak to my grandmother and she told me the whole story. About shes happy my mum didnt abort me because i turned out beautiful.. but at the time it was the best option kmt.Found out i have 2 siblings... 18 yr old sis (mixed) and an 11yr old brother (blonde hair blue eyes lol)Found my father is living in America with his wife and son... so i gave my details to my grandmother so i could at least speak to him... but 7-8months later i still havnt heard anything... i got on so well with her.. i thought she was interested and seemed happy to see me... i thought she at least would stay in contact.I don't want money from him... ive survived 21yrs without his help... but its one ah dem ones where i just want to know what he's all about.. after all he is half of me... I have most of his traits.. the emotional and weakness bull so the least he could do is get to know me lolSo i've decided im going to write them a little letter telling them im going to uni in sept im doing well for myself... and i neva wanted anything but love from them...but if they dont wana know me dats cool... i did my best.So me disliking my father because of his weak self... being scared of not knowing what to say to me... has made me dislike the fact im so much like him from personality to skin tone.I just hope I don't make the same mistake as my mother tbh.Allow the longness lol mybad.