banned from st pauls catherdral after crushing old mans hand when i said peace be wit u

[Guest GYM GOON]

wednesday morning, day off from work/business meetingsi wake up and decide that i go to church because i havent been for 5 weeks and didnt come on easter when jesus came aliveso open wardrobe the size of a living room, pull out my £1000 armani suit and my brand new rolex, only to realise that im running lateso i panick and run downstairs, my maid i standing in my way and i shout "GET OUT OF MY WAY WOMAN, GET OUT OF THE WAY I HAVE TO GO TO THE HOUSE OF GOD!"i call my chaffeur named Octavio, i open his room and see him masturbating to the new maxim mag, he pulls his pants up and asks "Yes boss where do i take you!"I say "Quick, St. Pauls Cathedral NOW, make it quick sunny boy and ill give you a pay rise and hook you up with some real p*ssy"So we hop on to the rolls royce and Octavio, being the best chaffeur in London, takes me there in 10 mins, just in time!I enter the cathedral with my £1000 armai suit, rolex, burberry scarf, prada shoes, left hand bottle of champagne, right hand bottle of holy water, cigar in mouth. While Octavio also wearing his new armani suit but with cum stains after furiously masturbating to the latest gemma atkinson photos on the maxim mag back at my condo.As soon as me and Octavio sit down something really disturbed me:two f*ck*ng girls behind me laughing & blasting the latest christ brown through their ipod headphones"So i think to myself "we are supposed to pray but these lil bitches are laughing listening to music? music by chris brown a c*nt who likes to dance like a p*ssy and sounds like a homo?"Then suddenly ALL THE RAGE INSIDE ME BEGINS TO BURST, MY HANDS BEGIN TO SHAKE AND VEINS START TO POP OUT MY ARMS, Octavio looks at me and whispers "sir are you ok? whats wrong dont tell me you're on roid rage again"I suddenly burst, turning around to the two bitches behind me and scream "SILENCE! THIS IS THE HOUSE OF THE ALMIGHTY GOD!" I screamed so loud that it blew away the candles surrounding the jesus statue nearby.I turn around to find out everyone staring at me, including the priest. As mass carries on to normal an old guy turns around and whispers to me "may you rot in hell" while giving me a dirty & insulting look.I decide not to take action then again the BLOOD STARTS RUSHING TO MY HEAD WITH ALL THE RAGE INSIDE ME.As soon as when its the part where we shake each others hand and say peace be with you, i already had something up my sleeve, im gonna CRUSH this mans hand so hard he wont be able to masturbate for a fucing month.Being the p*ssy that he is he refuses to turn around to shake me & octavio's hands, so i GRAB the old c*nt, spin him around and make him to a full 360 spin, i grab his hand and yell "PEACE BE WITH YOU" AT THIS POINT I TAKE ALL MY RAGE OUT ON HIS HAND, I FEEL THE BONES CRACK WHILE THE OLD MAN BEGS FOR MERCY.It took 38 people including Octavio and the priest to seperate my bone crushing hands from the old man.The priest yells you're banned from her get out im calling the police, so me and Octavio run out of the cathedral while this old lady tries to stop us, i simple BITCH SLAP & CLOTHESLINE her out of the way.Me and Octavio hop on to the rolls royce and manage to get away, we make our way to the nearest mcdonalds where more chaos ensues.TO BE CONTINUED

[VonBoyage]

lol i skipped the middle bitBut still. lol.

[J89]

I enter the cathedral with my £1000 armai suit, rolex, burberry scarf, prada shoes, left hand bottle of champagne, right hand bottle of holy water, cigar in mouth. While Octavio also wearing his new armani suit but with cum stains after furiously masturbating to the latest gemma atkinson photos on the maxim mag back at my condo.I suddenly burst, turning around to the two bitches behind me and scream "SILENCE! THIS IS THE HOUSE OF THE ALMIGHTY GOD!" I screamed so loud that it blew away the candles surrounding the jesus statue nearby.

LMFAO.

[Gordon Gekko]

LMAO the chris brown bit killed it for me

[Guest Mr. Estacado]

Lol this thread has amused Mr. Estacado.

[carcass]

too longme nah read dat

[o-guy]

lol i enjoy yur little storieskeep it up

[BATTY BOY BUM BANDIT]

lmaoYour so sickI wish I was youWhere di you get your armani suit boss Hook me up with one

[Badman]

6/10theme was boring

[40millionBoy]

8/10 - would read again

[kahuna]

not as good as the pooing one

[morninghasbroken]

I like. When is part 2?

[Brandnew]

lol...was man ghosted tho ?

[Em Dott]

LMAOThat story was funny.

[SHOCK]

did he make this up himself?

[hhhhhhh8]

4/10. I am not impressed.

[Guest Radio]

did he make this up himself?

ofc not