Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
o-guy

i got an e-mail just nw

Recommended Posts

i just recieved wats below in an e-mailWays to tell if you are a woman... 1. You're a Bitch! 2. When asked "Is something bothering you?" reply "NO" then get pissed off when you are believed.3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior .4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening .5. Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e. You say "It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like to visit your parents with me if you are not busy thisweekend." when you mean it means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!" 6. Whine 7. If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep, it's because he is lazy 8. No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend 9. If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you 10. If he gives you space, he is ignoring you 11. Complain 12. Hate any bar that he likes 13. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything........except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc..........these are required gifts proving his love 14. Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregularfrom all of the stress in your life (also, see number 7) 15. Remember that ANY woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend must be labeled a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quick as possible 16. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to yourneeds 17. Break into tears for no apparent reason, then use number 2 18. Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given 19. Insert yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then make sure you arepresent at every gathering for the next month just to rub it in.A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."I have a frog in the backA woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog.""Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won't bebothered by her husband that night.She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks."What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"Tongue TwisterA guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"So the guy tells him: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh." "She socked me one." The first guy responded, "Mine was a tongue twister too.""I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.''

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Mr. Estacado

yh read the numbered sentences got to the paragraphs and cbabut was jks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i dont like none a dem jokesand that list is bollox talk still

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A Day at the ZooIt's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs...this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×