Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Guest Tronics

Parents. Children. Growing Up. Letting Go.

Recommended Posts

Guest Tronics

Exactly what it says on the tin.I've been arguing with my parents on the regz lately and it all boils down to them not lettting go.It's partly my fault for not ducking out when Uni time came around, but staying in LDN was the best option for me.But this resulted in them thinking i'm still a 6th Form student, talking to me anyhow and generally being a pain in the arse.My question is how do you let your parents know (not in a rude way) that your growing up and you'll eventually leave the house (next year)?Any help much appreciated.P.S. It's times like these i wish i did that whole independent thing from early (e.g. driving @ 17, moving out @ 19 and always being about it, damn!).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

their house their rulesas the saying goes

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Luckily I got a lot of freedom from early. What kina things do they say to you? Is it about u being out late an tht?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

at the end of the day they love u and want to protect uur still under their roof and u obviously dont show them how responsible and mature u are i blame YOU.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Tronics
Luckily I got a lot of freedom from early. What kina things do they say to you? Is it about u being out late an tht?
Yep.I don't go out much anyways but when i do it's a big big problem.One night i came to the conclusion that they're just wayyyy to clingy and don't wanna see me go anywhere.They'd rather i stay in all the time and when i do they ask "why aren't you outside?" "where are your friends" lol.
at the end of the day they love u and want to protect uur still under their roof and u obviously dont show them how responsible and mature u are i blame YOU.
Tbh i'm my own worst critic but if im honest they don't give me a chance to show them.Any form of independence is seen as 'rebellion' in their eyes so there's no room for manouver.Plus i'm a good kid, i don't set out to offend my parents in any shape or form, especially with my lil bros around.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So why dont you tell em that then?Just say you being inside all the time is not allowing you to enjoy your life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Tronics
So why dont you tell em that then?Just say you being inside all the time is not allowing you to enjoy your life.
LOL @ how that sounded, deaded my life :D I would love too you know but it's not that easy.They'll only turn it into me being 'influenced' by others or something....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
So why dont you tell em that then?Just say you being inside all the time is not allowing you to enjoy your life.
LOL @ how that sounded, deaded my life :D I would love too you know but it's not that easy.They'll only turn it into me being 'influenced' by others or something....
LOL That wasnt meant to be rude. Seems like your only option is to move out. They cant say nothing then.But saying that I know a girl who moved on campus for uni and her mum ALWAYS checks to see what shes doing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Tronics
So why dont you tell em that then?Just say you being inside all the time is not allowing you to enjoy your life.
LOL @ how that sounded, deaded my life :D I would love too you know but it's not that easy.They'll only turn it into me being 'influenced' by others or something....
LOL That wasnt meant to be rude. Seems like your only option is to move out. They cant say nothing then.But saying that I know a girl who moved on campus for uni and her mum ALWAYS checks to see what shes doing.
Thats what i mean man, it's never that really.I'm not one to move out just to gain a lil' independence.I'll move out when i want too, had plenty of chances before but never thought i need to (until now).But it might come down to that, which is sad imo.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest David Braund

i get quite abit of freedom atm n get to do my own ting most of the time so its not really a tingim lookin to move out next year doehopefully

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

move outthat was the only way for mefrom u show them u can support urself an do ur own thingwhat can they tell you?the answer is nothing, they arnt givin u anything so they cant take anything awayall they can do is respect how ur livinghowever, when i go home, i still get the whole "o where are u goin? what time are u comin back, what area rah rah rah"til certain time i jus dont go out, i wont leave my house after certain hours cos i kno theres gna be too many questionslike what malika said, their house, their rules

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So what was it like when you lot first moved to your own yardWas it hard financially cah i'm lookin to move from ere quick time

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
So what was it like when you lot first moved to your own yardWas it hard financially cah i'm lookin to move from ere quick time
uni innitloan covered the rentbut living is expensivehad nuff jobs an thatbut whatever the cost, moving out was the best thing i ever didgoin home for the summer tho, gna be fun at first, then jarrina good idea is to budget, so u kno xacly whats comin in an xacly whats goin outsimple things like buyin soap powder, buy the big box, them dibby dibby tablets will get u no where in the long runbudget an routine an u will be fine

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was lucky to be given a lot of freedom from a young age and even when I slipped as a teenager gettin suspended from school they still didn't reign me in like it sounds your parents do.Me and my pops have never got on too tuff though and he's always thought I was basically a waste man.. But then his standards were stupidly high and my mum always knew I was on the right track and mindset from morning.I moved out early being too farse it and it went DRASTICALLY wrong and I was back two weeks later minus every possesion I owned, but thats another story.Me being me I went down the route of trying to calmly tell my dad he needed to put some faith in me but to be honest it never quite did the trick. Only now I have bought my own yard and have a yout on the way at 23 do I start to see him having that respect for me I've always wanted.As said already actions seem to speak louder than words.End of the day their your parents and care for you.. They are prob shook you're gonna be the next young man with a blade or bullet stuck in you.Take them aside and tell them your aspirations. Show them what kind of career ur aiming for, where you want to be in five years etc. Then start walking your talk. Tell them you need them to understand you know the levels, you are streetwise and wont get caught up in a nonsense. Explain you feel almost trapped and want to fell you are of age where you dont need monitoring the whole time. Politely make them aware ur a big man, not a yout anymore. Explain you almost feel you HAVE to move out to get some independance.Blame also does lie with you to an extent, you've slept. Why anyone over 17 isn't striving to get a whip/earn their own P is beyond me. I've had a job since I was 12 (no sweatshop) one thing my dad could never tell me was I weren't trying to find my own feet.Say these things in the right way and they may just put some faith in you.If that dont work then just move out and do the above without permission. You are after all a big man.WOW ESSAY

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Tronics

Thanks for the help people.But allow me moving out being the only option, the one thing i don't want is for them to use that as more ammunition for my 'rebellious ways', but it looks like it's gonna have to be done.Samiad - Trust i do that anyways. I don't want anyone to think i dont obey their rules or anything cause it's never that. But it's reached a point where questions have to be asked for sure.Dan Early - Thanks for the advice. I've tried the 'pulling to one side' approach but some parents have this talent of always hearing what they want to hear, lol. Been earning my own money for time but that doesn't change things, if anything it raises more questions then answers for my parents. But def actions do speak louder then words...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks for the help people.But allow me moving out being the only option, the one thing i don't want is for them to use that as more ammunition for my 'rebellious ways', but it looks like it's gonna have to be done.Samiad - Trust i do that anyways. I don't want anyone to think i dont obey their rules or anything cause it's never that. But it's reached a point where questions have to be asked for sure.Dan Early - Thanks for the advice. I've tried the 'pulling to one side' approach but some parents have this talent of always hearing what they want to hear, lol. Been earning my own money for time but that doesn't change things, if anything it raises more questions then answers for my parents. But def actions do speak louder then words...
lol bwoy i think thats most parents, selective hearing an selective memory

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know exactly how you feel. Things will only get better when you move out. I'm not saying move out now-plan it well and when you feel you're ready. at the end of the day it's

their house their rulesas the saying goes
My mum is slloowwllly starting to try and let go. I have a job, I'll be driving soon and I'll probably move out as soon as I finish uni.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
One night i came to the conclusion that they're just wayyyy to clingy and don't wanna see me go anywhere.They'd rather i stay in all the time and when i do they ask "why aren't you outside?" "where are your friends" lol.
at the end of the day they love u and want to protect uur still under their roof and u obviously dont show them how responsible and mature u are i blame YOU.
Tbh i'm my own worst critic but if im honest they don't give me a chance to show them.Any form of independence is seen as 'rebellion' in their eyes so there's no room for manouver.Plus i'm a good kid, i don't set out to offend my parents in any shape or form
My mum did this alot around when i started college up until recently, tell me that family members etc are saying she gives me too much freedom and i'm a legobeast (ttkk lol) then when i did stay in say i'm some loner and why aren't i out. But because of this and my better understanding of her just being concerned about my safety out and about at what times and 9/10 times travelling home alone, she's eased up on it, from i tell her when i'm getting in if it's lateI can't really make a comment/give any advice on the whole moving out thing as i am yet to do it but i completely agree with Dan Early with the talking to them about your aspirations and plans, even if it gets tedious and you have to do it regularly, it will give them piece of mind and remember what a good son they have raised and that you are on the right track (i'm assuming you are lol)You making this topic has helped to convince me that i made the right decision in taking a Gap year this year and re-applying to unis all outside of LDN

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

LMAO at my ex-bredrin being 21 this december and she hasto ask permission if she can out to parties etc... having curfews and sh*t LMAO again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
My question is how do you let your parents know (not in a rude way) that your growing up and you'll eventually leave the house (next year)?Any help much appreciated.P.S. It's times like these i wish i did that whole independent thing from early (e.g. driving @ 17, moving out @ 19 and always being about it, damn!).
be the MAN and do what the MAN should do ie dont have ya parents the opportunity to say ya slippin iepay ya rentdo the work round the house ya should be doingcome home with sh*t for the fridge and house STANDARDLYetc etcif you do all of these things without fail ya parents have no talk and THEN you can literally tell them to shut upi know it sounds rude but years down the line they will respect you more for it cos you are backing your talk.my son is moving out by 18 and only way he is staying home is if he is studying near where we live man has to get the f*ck out SIMPLE.oh and ill give him the privileges and treat him like an adult, sh*t ill even let him drive my car but try know if i say come pick me up man MUST come simple as.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Why anyone over 17 isn't striving to get a whip/earn their own P is beyond me. I've had a job since I was 12 (no sweatshop) one thing my dad could never tell me was I weren't trying to find my own feet.
Cos some of us have parents that love us and provide for us :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I need to move out! it ain't even about my mum letting i don't wanna leave my younger sister (16)I know she's grown, but my mum ain't no role model, therefore i am worried about my sis, she still needs guidance, support and a stable home life which my mum does not provide.i'm now 22, I wanna be me, and just support myself rather than staying around for others but i find it hard to leave.Back to your situation, certain issue u raise i can relate to, and i would saythat for your parents to treat you as a man u need to show them that your independent,responsible and grown, but its hard to do it while under there roof/rules.maybe its time for u to move out, if they won't listen.does anyone else's parents, just tell you that your gonna waste money if u move out?my mum always come with this line, but i don't care about the money,happynessis priceless to me.imo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Lemons

My parents are ultimately the greatest ever. I've realised this in the past 4/5 years. Never any problems, supportive etc. Go for a drink with my dad after work and all that good stuff. I'm pretty lucky.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
My parents are ultimately the greatest ever. I've realised this in the past 4/5 years. Never any problems, supportive etc. Go for a drink with my dad after work and all that good stuff. I'm pretty lucky.
C/SAlthough I used to disagree with them, eventually you look back and think sh*t.Things were done for a reason.Dad always drummed some saying into my head like "When I was 18, I thought my parents knew nothing, when I was 25, I was amazed at how much they'd learnt"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×