F365 End of Season Awards

[Rsonist]

Part 1

Absentee(s) Of The SeasonRoman Abramovich, who preferred attending business meetings in Russia to watching Chelsea's really quite important games with Liverpool and Manchester United in person. His walk-out at Villa in September was a sign of things to come.Runner-Up: George Gillett and Tom Hicks, neither of whom showed too much interest in watching Liverpool in person.Apology Of The SeasonThe Daily Star conceding it had made the 'wrong assumption' when it wrote of Sven-Goran Eriksson being 'a hit with the ladies' after being spotted in the company of a young woman with his hand 'straying towards her bottom'. Two weeks later, the newspaper acknowledged that 'in fact the lady was Lina, Mr Eriksson's daughter with whom he was having a normal fatherly embrace'.Bargain Of The SeasonBlackburn Rovers' Roque Santa Cruz.Runner-Up: £2m to get rid of Steve McClaren.Cabbage Patch Of The SeasonThe pitch at Wigan's JJB Stadium.Carlos Queiroz's Quotes Of The Season"The referee is a disgrace. He deserves somebody to come to the side of the pitch after five minutes, give him a red card and pull him out of the game. That is my opinion of this robber" - After the defeat to Portsmouth in the FA Cup.Runner-Up: "Something is wrong with football" - After April's match at Chelsea saw United concede their first penalty of the season.Clarification Of The SeasonJohn Terry explaining that he and the rest of the Chelski mob only confronted Mike Riley after Ashley Cole's tackle at White Hart Lane to ensure the referee "did not to listen or be intimidated by the Tottenham bench trying to force him into a decision". Very noble of you, JT.Runner-Up: Alex McLeish's suggestion that Eduardo's foot may have "got caught in the grass" because "he [Martin Taylor] didn't feel he made much contact with him".Columnist Of The SeasonDavid James, The Observer.Runner-Up: Neil Warnock, The Independent.Comeback Of The SeasonLeeds United clambering into the League One play-offs after beginning the season 15 points behind the rest of the division.Runner-Up: Bolton retaining their Premiership status for another season with a week to spare after appearing to be down and definitely out following Arsenal's improbable 2-0 down, 3-2 up comeback win at the Reebok in late March.Craziest Reaction Of The SeasonJavier Mascherano going bonkers after being sent off by Steve Bennett against Manchester UnitedRunner-Up: Newcastle fans proclaiming the Second Coming after the Messiah Kevin Keegan returned to St James'.Crime Against Television Of The SeasonMatch of the Day broadcasting post-match interviews with Newcastle's ultra-bland assistant manager Nigel Pearson rather than doing the decent thing and snubbing the club in response to Sam Allardyce's boycott.Runner-Up: Sky broadcasting Manchester United's predictably-routine win over Bolton while Chelsea and Tottenham were involved in an eight-goal thriller at White Hart Lane.Déjà vu Of The SeasonChris Hutchings being sacked after 12 matches in charge of a Premier League club following his unexpected summer appointment. His dismissal on November 5 by Wigan occurred the day before the seventh anniversary of his ousting at Bradford.Disappearance Of The SeasonElano. Where did he go after November?Runner-Up: Denilson. Where did he go for two months after sitting on the bench in the San Siro?Embarrassment Of The SeasonEngland failing to reach Euro 2008 from a group containing those renowned powerhouses Croatia, Russia and Macedonia.Runner-Up: Derby County - the trenchant two-word response to claims that the Premier League is the best league in the world.Error Of The SeasonArsene Wenger's decision to sell Lassana Diarra for a considerable profit instead of retaining him as cover for Cesc Fabregas and Mathieu Flamini ahead of the abysmal Gilberto Silva.Runner-Up: All the managers who selected weakened teams in the FA Cup in the expectation of further Big Four dominance.Second Runner-Up: Rafa Benitez inspiring Didier Drogba's tie-winning contribution in the Liverpool v Chelsea Champions League semi-final by repeatedly disparaging the striker before the game.Fall From Grace Of The SeasonMatt Oakley's decline from starting the season as the captain of a Premier League club (for whom he scored within five minutes of the new season) and ending it as a player of a club in the third tier of English football following his January move to Leicester City.Runner-Up: Sam Allardyce's plummet from highly-respected England candidate to the managerial scrapheap after six tortuous months at Newcastle United.Flop Of The SeasonFlorent Malouda. So bad that Chelsea even played Salomon Kalou in preference to their £13.5m summer recruit.Runner-Up: Jari Litmanen. Described as "an excellent joker to have in the pack" when he was brought to Fulham by Roy Hodgson. The joke was on Fulham when the Finn failed to start a game and had his stint cut short after being knocked unconscious by a stray clearance in training.Friendliest Act Of The SeasonRoman Abramovich responding to Jose Mourinho's departure by phoning a friend.Runner-Up: Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger's love-in after Arsenal's defeat at ManYoo in April.Game Of The SeasonTottenham 4 Chelski 4.Runner-Up:: Manchester United 2 Arsenal 1.Goal Of The SeasonCristiano Ronaldo's free-kick versus Portsmouth in January that left David James shaking his head.Runner-Up: Emmanuel Adebayor's turn and volley at Tottenham in September.Header Of The SeasonCristiano Ronaldo's astonishing leap to score Manchester United's opening goal in Rome.Healthy Eater Of The SeasonJoey Barton, who was enjoying a McDonalds in the early hours of December 28 before being rudely interrupted and, allegedly, assaulting two members of the public outside the low-fat restaurant in Liverpool's city centre.Runner-Up: James Harper, who revealed he suffered from diarrhoea during Reading's match with Liverpool in November after under-cooking the sausages during his pre-match, self-cooked fry-up. The lesson of the tale? "I had to go home and cook more sausages just to prove I could do it right."Grump Of The SeasonRadio Five's Alan Green, seemingly permanently on the brink of spontaneously combusting at the indignity of being paid to watch football for a living.Runner-Up: Alan Curbishley. Did you hear that there were some injured players at West Ham?Image Of The SeasonEduardo's foot pointing in the opposite direction of his leg.Runner-Up: Ashley Cole refusing to turn around and face Mike Riley.Haircut Of The SeasonDavid James' afro. It even stopped Michael Owen from scoring a goal.Hardest Worker Of The SeasonDirk Kuyt.Runner-Up: Roman Abramovich - so busy with business in Russia from January until April that he couldn't even find time to once fly back to Chelsea on one of his private jets.Headline Of The Season'The Wally With The Brolly' - The Daily Mail on you-know-who.Headline-Making Departure Of The SeasonJose Mourinho's sudden exit from Chelsea. It even took top billing on that night's edition of the Six O'Clock News.

@ the 2nd bargain of the season.Part 2

Hypocrite Of The SeasonSir Alex Ferguson demanding greater respect for referees three weeks after complaining that Martin Atkinson was on Portsmouth's "side" and one month before his assistant complained "there is something wrong with football" in response to Manchester United conceding their first penalty of the season.Inadvertently Sound Advice Of The SeasonGraham Poll urging readers of his Daily Mail column to 'Watch out for Mark Clattenburg at this weekend's Merseyside derby. Clattenburg has already controlled the Manchester and north London derbies successfully and has been proclaimed as England's best referee in The Official Line all season.' Clattenburg duly wrecked the match with a series of unfathomable decisions that resulted in Everton's unjust defeat.Irony Of The SeasonIan Wright announcing his departure from the BBC by claiming that he was fed up being 'a comedy jester'. His next job? Presenting Gladiators on Sky.Least Advisable Fashion Accessory Of The SeasonAn umbrella.Runner-Up: Sammy Lee's earpiece. It may have been practical, but it made him look like a call-centre lackey.Least Believable Excuse Of The SeasonChris Coleman claiming he turned up at a press conference 90 minutes late because of a faulty washing machine. Unfortunately for the soon-to-be-ex Real Sociedad boss, he had been spotted partying in a nightclub until the early hours and had to make a grovelling apology the following day.Runner-Up: Chelsea claiming Roman Abramovich couldn't watch Chelsea in person because of 'business commitments'. For four months, including on weekends?Least Successful Debut Of The SeasonScott Carson's for England - after diving over Niko Kranjcar's shot, Carson hadn't even touched the ball before Croatia went 2-0 ahead.Runner-Up: Curtis Davies playing, in his own words, "like a pub player" as he made his bow for Villa during September's Carling Cup defeat to Leicester.Luckiest Player Of The SeasonJamie Carragher. Just how many penalties should he have conceded?Runner-Up: Wigan's Marcus Bent. Or, as he is more commonly known, Gemma Atkinson's other half.Merry-go-rounders Of The SeasonSteve Bruce, who effectively took Paul Jewell's job at Wigan. Jewell, who took Billy Davies' job at Derby, and Alex McLeish, who took Bruce's job at Birmingham. The only loser was Davies, who failed to land McLeish's job with Scotland - it went to George Burley while Walter Smith, who McLeish succeeded as national coach, returned to Rangers to take the Ibrox hot-seat vacated two years previously by McLeish. It's an incestuous business this football lark.Miss Of The SeasonRyan Babel 'for' Liverpool versus Manchester City.Runner-Up: Emmanuel Adebayor 'for' Arsenal versus AC Milan.Moneymaker Of The SeasonFabio Capello, who will earn upwards of £3m even before he manages England in a competitive match for the first time.Runner-Up: Andriy Shevchenko may no longer be eligible for the Flop of the Year award but eight Premier League starts is not a hefty demand in return for a weekly wage of £120,000.Most Popular Reaction To Headline-Breaking News Of The Season'Who the hell is Avram Grant?'Runner-Up: 'He's been arrested? So much for Redknapp taking the England job then'.Most Improved Player Of The SeasonMathieu Flamini - more important to Arsenal's improvement as a replacement for Gilberto Silva than Emmanuel Adebayor was as a stand-in for the declining Thierry HenryRunner-Up: Gareth Barry. Now an England regular, he is likely to be wanted by three of the Big Four this summer.Mute Of The SeasonA joint award to Chelsea's Roman Abramovich and Newcastle's Mike Ashley.Newspaper Extract Of The SeasonFrom The Sun on January 25: 'Aimee, 22, said: "During the ride he was slurring his words and was a right mess. Then he just threw up everywhere. "My friend was going mad but he just smiled and said to me, 'She should be privileged Ashley Cole was sick in her car.'"'Non-Player Of The SeasonTitus Bramble. Wigan's one-month, Premier League-saving run of four matches without conceding a goal began when he was dropped following defeat at Sunderland.Runner-Up: Alan Smith. Newcastle's unbeaten seven-match unbeaten run started with the dropping of Alan Smith. And ended when he came off the bench against Chelsea.Nightmare Performance Of The SeasonThe 17-minute outing of Newcastle centre-half of Capaca. The Toon had already conceded three goals by the time he was subbed against Portsmouth.Runner-Up: Wayne Bridge's horrible display against Croatia.Meet-And-Greeter Of The SeasonTom Hicks junior, son of the Liverpool co-owner, whose trips to the Sandon pub just outside of Anfield resulted in him being spat upon, heckled and escorted off the premises for his own safety.Performance Of The SeasonArsenal's 2-0 destruction of Champions League holders AC Milan in the San Siro - a performance made all the more remarkable given they were in the midst of the 13-match run that wrecked their season.Runner-Up: Tottenham's 5-1 exposure of Arsenal's reserves and Arsene Wenger's folly in the Carling Cup.Player Of The SeasonCristiano Ronaldo.Runner-Up: Cesc Fabregas.Pleasant Surprise Of The SeasonThe Champions League semi-finals between Chelsea and Liverpool being more entertaining than soporific.Predictable Failure Of The SeasonSteven Sidwell at Chelsea.Runner-Up: Lawrie Sanchez and the raft of Northern Irish players he bought during the summer at Fulham.Prediction Of The Season'QPR Go For Zidane...WORLD Cup legend Zinedine Zidane is the sensational name in the frame to take over as boss of QPR.Rangers owner Flavio Briatore has promised a major announcement before today's final match of the season at home toWest Brom - and informed whispers insist he'll name Zidane as Loftus Road boss - The People's Paul Dunne, May 3. In the event, QPR's major announcement was the unveiling of a new club badge.Runner-Up: 'Torres could well be this season's Shevchenko' - F365's Nick Miller.Premier League Newcomer Of The SeasonFernando Torres.Runner-Up: Roy Keane.Quote Of The Season'Bowing to your clearly distinctive journalistic acumen and ethics I remain faithful as ever that there is decency deep down in ANY being - human or not.' - An extract from the missive sent by The Sun's self-titled European Football Correspondent Antony Kastrinakis to F365 Headquarters.Runner-Up: "As always I am focused on training and coaching my team" - The reply Rafa Benitez made on 14 separate occasions during his press conference of November 24.Sensitive Complaint Of The SeasonSebastian Larsson criticising the Arsenal players for being in a "bad mood" during the match at Birmingham in which Eduardo had his leg snapped in half. "They're just bad losers," he lamented after the draw in which they lost their team-mate for the rest of the year.Shambolic Managerial Sacking Of The SeasonTottenham's dismissal of Martin Jol. Even the fans attending the UEFA Cup tie with Getafe knew before the man himself that he had been ousted. Had the Spurs board waited an hour, the defeat would have given them a compelling excuse to axe the Dutchman.Shock Of The SeasonThe Big Four's demise in the FA Cup.Runner-Up: Derby County almost not losing to Manchester United.Sicknote Of The SeasonLouis Saha - he only managed to complete 90 minutes once all season.Runner-Up: Tomas Rosicky, predicted to be out "for days, not weeks" by Arsene Wenger after hobbling off against Newcastle in late January. He failed to make another appearance all season.Silence Of The SeasonJose's Mourinho after being sacked by Chelsea. It must have been one helluva pay-off.Surprisingly Good Radio Pundit Of The SeasonStanley Victor Collymore.Surprisingly Good Television Pundit Of The SeasonLee Dixon.Tabloid Exclusive Of The SeasonThe News of the World's report detailing how a 'Brazilian call girl revealed she scored a Premiership hat-trick during a four-hour sex orgy by dirty danced with £100,000-a-week Ronaldo, then performed a sex act on winger Nani, 20, before finally joining 19-year-old Anderson in bed for a noholds-barred spanking session.'Runner-Up: The NOTW's claim that Paul Jewell allegedly 'tied a mystery woman in stockings to a bed with silk before they have sex' and 'Keeps his T-shirt on to hide his overweight midfield as he goes for goal in a variety of formations'.Tactical Innovation Of The SeasonStoke City achieving promotion to the Premier League courtesy of Rory Delap's long throws.Team-Mates Of The SeasonArsenal's Emmanuel Adebayor and Nicklas Bendtner.Under-Rated Player Of The SeasonChelsea's Ricardo Carvalho.Runner-Up:Brian McBride. His return was critical to Fulham's end-of-season escape.Unluckiest Player Of The SeasonJermain Defoe. Left Tottenham to further his career at Portsmouth only to miss out on their Carling Cup final success and find himself cup-tied when Pompey went to Wembley. Given that the last transfer window of the season closes in January, there's no valid reason for the 'cup-tied' rule to still be in existence.Runner-Up: Eduardo. Although the good news is that he should be running again by September.'What A c*ck' Of The SeasonAshley Young showing off his tackle on an internet chat room.Worst Idea Of The SeasonThe Manchester United Christmas Party.Runner-Up: Stephen Ireland killing off three of his grandmothers as he tried to explain why he had left the Republic of Ireland camp.Worst Refereeing Performance Of The SeasonMark Clattenburg making a farce of October's Merseyside derby.Runner-Up: Rob Styles wrecking Liverpool v Chelsea in August.Worst Tackle Of The SeasonDirk Kuyt's impression of Superman flying backwards during the Merseyside derby.Runner-Up: Martin Taylor's leg-breaking lunge on Eduardo. There were worst tackles but none was so damaging.Villain Of The SeasonSteve McClaren - who didn't even have the decency to quit and instead accepted a £2.5m as a reward for his failure.Runner-Up: Joey Barton - allegedly literally.

[The King]

Matt Oakley's decline from starting the season as the captain of a Premier League club (for whom he scored within five minutes of the new season) and ending it as a player of a club in the third tier of English football following his January move to Leicester City.PISSED.

[Guest Medic]

[Frank Furta]

Runner-Up: Jari Litmanen. Described as "an excellent joker to have in the pack" when he was brought to Fulham by Roy Hodgson. The joke was on Fulham when the Finn failed to start a game and had his stint cut short after being knocked unconscious by a stray clearance in training.

[Lot To Learn]

Runner-Up: "Something is wrong with football" - After April's match at Chelsea saw United concede their first penalty of the season.LMAO

[gattsu]

Apology Of The SeasonThe Daily Star conceding it had made the 'wrong assumption' when it wrote of Sven-Goran Eriksson being 'a hit with the ladies' after being spotted in the company of a young woman with his hand 'straying towards her bottom'. Two weeks later, the newspaper acknowledged that 'in fact the lady was Lina, Mr Eriksson's daughter with whom he was having a normal fatherly embrace'.LMFAOdid that seriously happen

[Trim]

Runner-Up: Jari Litmanen. Described as "an excellent joker to have in the pack" when he was brought to Fulham by Roy Hodgson. The joke was on Fulham when the Finn failed to start a game and had his stint cut short after being knocked unconscious by a stray clearance in training.

Swear he's the most unlucky guy in the prem check this ... Roy Hodgson has described Jari Litmanen as the 'most unlucky' footballer he has encountered after the Finn suffered a fresh setback. Litmanen has yet to play a first-team game for Fulham, having been hampered by various problems since joining the club in January. Fulham boss Hodgson had been hoping the veteran forward would be able to play some part in the club's battle to stay in the Premier League. But, following a training ground incident involving goalkeeper Ricardo Batista, Litmanen is unlikely to feature in Saturday's match at Manchester City. Knocked for six"Litmanen is the most unlucky fellow I have come across in football," said Hodgson. "He was training on Monday and due to play a practice match the next day when Batista, who I must say is a very fearsome kicker of the ball, managed to smash it into the back of his head from about four yards. "It was like a missile, knocking him over and putting him out for the week. It's not a long-term thing, but it's knocked him for six. "Jari has been very unfortunate. "When I first went to the Finnish FA he was standing next to his sporting director at Malmo who opened a can of coke and the top popped into Jari's eye." Hodgson had previously been critical of Litmanen, with the former Liverpool man having played twice for Finland since pitching up at Craven Cottage.

[darkman]

Runner-Up: "Something is wrong with football" - After April's match at Chelsea saw United concede their first penalty of the season.LMAO

[Sinister]

Runner-Up: "Something is wrong with football" - After April's match at Chelsea saw United concede their first penalty of the season.LMAO

[HangTheDJ]

Man u v Arsenal being a better game than Villa v Spurs or Villa v Chelsea=\

[HangTheDJ]

The Oakley thing is jokes.He was Derbys best player by a distance in the early Prem days, he's got good prem experience and is their captain.Jewell comes in and f*cks him right off.

[I.B.Blackman]

U sure no midifications were made?