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friends with an ex BUT this is not your typical scenario

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okay now this is not really a thing of asking for what you think i should do cos i made my mind up as im confident i did the right thing but i wanted to illustrate this scenario for you all to discuss from FOUR view points.okay i have an ex girl that i never in my life had sex with and this was like when we was in secondary school like 15 years old im now 28 (take note of this number when you send for me so you have your facts right) anyway we have met up on occassion from time to time years after that but not often infact i can count on one hand how many times ive actually seen her since secondary school so you can imagine why its not really a slammin ting.this girl is now a VERY proffessional woman she owns a hair dressers has now TWO KIDS with her man and she even TEACHES at a certain college that i wont disclose.NOW she text me the other day saying its her birthday and she wanted me to come over to her bbq now the thing is previous to this she has asked me to come round before to a christening for her son etc but i didnt go to that because i didnt find it appropriate as she has a man and i had a woman i have no problem talkin to her and if i see her on road we can parley but it goes no further as there is just no need for it tbh.anyway me and her had this convo and she said she understands but then she asks me to come to this bbq and told me not to dissapoint her now me being an over honest fool told my girl about this scenario before when i told her about the christening she said she dont see it as a big deal as me and her was ages ago but its like she forgot this when i told her about the bbq which was more recent ( i think because NOW me and her are a lot more closer so she probably takes US more seriously) i suggested she comes with me (this was dumb but i only did it to expose my innocense cos to be frank i didnt even want to go)she said NO she doesnt want to as she thinks she would look like an idiot and i agree with her infact i think i would look like one i mean when people there ask me how i know this girl what am i gonna say? oh im her ex and thats my girl with me! lol i mean surely i would look like a pillock.anyway my thing is this im sure my ex dont want to get back with me or even do a ting BUT why does she not see its not appropriate for me to come and why is it people suggest that being mature means it can work? i mean here are the view pointsMY GIRLS POSITIONMY POSITIONMY EX GIRLS POSITIONMY EX GIRLS MANS POSITION (FATHER OF THE TWO KIDS)discussdisclaimer - this is not a ting where i want advice ill tell you what i actually did after the responses come in but from all of those perspectives what do you think?

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Everybody bar the ex is probably a bit baffed as to why she insists on inviting you to social events like that. Current GF and her BF is probably thinking 'does she still have a thing for him or does she just want to see who he's dealing with now'.

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if the situation makes u and ur partner uncomfortable then give it a missat events like bbq's especially black ones, ppl can spot tension a mile off and its not nice 4 any of the parties involved. (and specualtion starts)if u both felt its not too much of a strain then u cud stop by 2 show face and then kick (after u eat LOL)u could say shes an old freind to any1 who asks not that it concerns them, wether u 2 want 2 disclose such info 2 others is between u bothjust no the world is small an the liklihood of sum1 poppin up and clocking 2 + 2 is always therei persoanlly wudnt bother if my heart wernt in it and i didnt feel i cud be 100% genuine

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I think you have different viewpoints Face...You see you going to her BBQ, as her "ex".She see's you turning up, as her "friend".You cant call someone you held hands with in the park and lipsed behind the bikeshed an EX when you're a grown man. I think this is probably where shes coming from.You are both in committed relationships, that's clear. As for the viewpoints:MY GIRLS POSITION - She shouldnt feel a way if you werent even serious with this girl more than 10 years agoMY POSITION - You are seeing her as an ex, when its probably more appropriate to start seeing her as an acquaintance (a friend at best)MY EX GIRLS POSITION - She sees you as a friendMY EX GIRLS MANS POSITION (FATHER OF THE TWO KIDS) - Depends on what hes like. I'd imagine if he has half a braincell he wouldnt feel threatened seeing as he has 2 kids with her, you have a child and are in a relationship, and hes a grown man.My 2 cents.

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hmmmmmmthing is she is a decent people she has more class than most women i know to be honest id bet a lot on that but me personally i think my girl would feel a way and more importantly i wouldnt like it if the tables were turned.thing is my current girl actually thinks i wanted to go when in reality i wanted to go make my ex know im not avoiding her cos im not i dont want her to fee like "ah face off dont wanna chat to me what have i done to him?"but tbh im more concerned about how my girl feels a lot more than i am concerned about how my ex feels you man KNOW how i feel about the whole ex partner thing having them around your current partner is a BOYMENT in every angle you can imagine imo i lock off relationships for them kinda tings so me going is out of the question as im not a hypocrit (anymore) im just baffled that his big woman aint clocked this and as for her ex i DONT want to boy him by showing up cos to me thats showing him disrespect before i even know him and i would consider my self a stand up guy.besides it was raining today i just sent her a text saying i was held up at work but i got her something and its in the post (the wire season 1) just leaving it at that i cant ROLL with females if i aint f*ck*ng them its mad i say that but its true i got female relatives and its deep now cos my sister rolls with my woman now and sh*t its just not the one for me to rollin like that with an ex.

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(I know you don't want advice, so speaking hypothetically)If you and your girl are serious it's not a debatable situation. If your relationship with this ex is that deep in the past, and you have hardly communicated since.... It's not a problem to lock off whatever remains regardless of her intention. It may not be totally necessary, but there is doubt in your mind over your ex's intention. Your not best friend so what's the point.

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im just baffled that his big woman aint clocked this
She probably doesn't even see you as her ex if it was a schoolboy relationship.

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tbh honest i dont see why you class her as an ex. Almost 15 yrs ago u had a lil sillyness with a girl u've seen less than 5 times since. u didnt mash it was a lil high skool joke ting.For me (im 21) i dont class them as ex's. From time we were under a certain age and nothng happend...she shudnt be classed as an ex

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I agree with marlon she prob sees you as a friend and you still see her as an ex.If i was your girlfriend id be wondering why it was such a problem especially if like you say its only been a handful of times in which you have seen herid ask youdo you need her friendship? if not then it may be easier to lock it off to avoid the awkwardness. Even hough it seems like you think shes cool and you prob dont want to offend her or insult her unecessarily i think in these situations sometimes we have to do just that to avoid complications,at the end of the day you both went years without th friendship so no need to rekindle it now.your girl may flex like shes cool with it but i doubt she really is she prob does not wantto make a mountain out of a molehill.

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tbh i think you and your girl are reading too much into and making a big deal about itas previously stated she probably just sees you a friendand you're girl would probably see it like that too...but i think its your attitude to it thats making it into something else.i can see how you feel awkward since you consider her an ex...but as people have already said...should she really be classed as that?your girl probably thinks its weird thats she still contacts you after all these years but thats probably because you haven't depicted her as a friend...you're still classing her as an extbh i don't see why it would be a problem if you took your girl to the bbqi think the only people that would feel awkward about it is you and your girlbecause shes probably not going to be thinking about you too tuff, shes got a whole house full of people to entertain, not to mention her boyfriend and kids are going to be thereblowing it out of proportion tbh(sorry if there was advice mingled in there, i tried not to but its habit i guess)

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tbh i think you and your girl are reading too much into and making a big deal about itas previously stated she probably just sees you a friendand you're girl would probably see it like that too...but i think its your attitude to it thats making it into something else.i can see how you feel awkward since you consider her an ex...but as people have already said...should she really be classed as that?your girl probably thinks its weird thats she still contacts you after all these years but thats probably because you haven't depicted her as a friend...you're still classing her as an extbh i don't see why it would be a problem if you took your girl to the bbqi think the only people that would feel awkward about it is you and your girlbecause shes probably not going to be thinking about you too tuff, shes got a whole house full of people to entertain, not to mention her boyfriend and kids are going to be thereblowing it out of proportion tbh(sorry if there was advice mingled in there, i tried not to but its habit i guess)
so when people ask me at the bbq who i am what do i say exactly cos 10 year or not to me it makes no sense as i suggested i asked for what people think from the four perspectives provided nothing else as i KNOW this is nonsense.thing is this woman i speak of is a woman that is kinda snobbish and when i say that she is the type of person that doesnt get questioned by people a great deal as she tends to be the most professional out of all her friends and she hasnt made the same mistakes as many of us (not to my knowledge) what i mean is she isnt a baby mother she has the same man for both her kids etc so if she was to do something tha people dont agree with it its not likely people will challenge her choices as they are likely to be scared what her response will be to them such as "you cant talk to me because i am .................. and you are ................... "im guessing that everyone there would assume that its dumb i would be there but she would not see it that way and feel no one can tell her otherwise so to me it would seem she is right most of the time so much she thinks she can defy common sense just cos its her im sure if any of her friends did this she may not see it as innocent.i just dont really see the point me being there but i dont want to boy her as there is no need but i wouldnt have to worry about this is she had the common sense to KNOW that its innapropriate so its like being crawl to be kind.but thanks for your input i kinda see why some men get BOYED cos guys allow this cos ill be honest with you thus far i dont give the man ratings if he is fine with me coming to this ting.

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infact the more i read the response im starting to think my ex is an idiot to be honest*erases number as she clearly has no sense*

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DEJAVUSwear i've read some exact story on here before by you?Anyhoo...She's not someone you see on a regs so I don't see the issue really.
Yh I think he has spoke of her before.

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^^^^^ yes she wanted me to come to her christening i said all of this in the first post still.thing is all of what i have said in this topic bar me thinking she is an idiot i have actually said to her on the phone so she KNOWS how i feel about it YET she wants to play happy families.

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I agree with marlon she prob sees you as a friend and you still see her as an ex.If i was your girlfriend id be wondering why it was such a problem especially if like you say its only been a handful of times in which you have seen herid ask youdo you need her friendship? if not then it may be easier to lock it off to avoid the awkwardness. Even hough it seems like you think shes cool and you prob dont want to offend her or insult her unecessarily i think in these situations sometimes we have to do just that to avoid complications,at the end of the day you both went years without th friendship so no need to rekindle it now.your girl may flex like shes cool with it but i doubt she really is she prob does not wantto make a mountain out of a molehill.
okay so if this is the case do i NOT tell my girl that she was once my ex (obviously thats too late) only for her to one day find out we were when we were kids not being funny but i dont think that would be very nice.that also brings a next problem dont it?seems maybe i shouldnt of told my girl EVERYTHING but then im sure thats just not the way forward really and truly.

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Marlon has a point, but I understand where Face Off is coming from, and to be honest, I would be like him. As soon as you have crossed bounds of friendships, it may taint how an interactions are perceived between both parties. I also think it's the fact that irregardless of how much your girl says it's cool, woman can chat sh*t to front. I know I wouldn't want to spend time in the presence of one of my girl's exes irregardless of how long ago it was.People may remember me telling you lot about one tease that wanted to come up to Coventry but I said no because I had a girl. Now, we have both crossed the line of friendship twice, and I can't look at her as a friend anymore really. She has asked me to phone her when I'm in North London and come jam, but I can't look at her in the same light as before where I could have. We may talk from time to time, but I would rather keep it at that. I saw her at a BBQ recently, but conversation was short and sweet because we don't need to get deep.

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Marlon has a point, but I understand where Face Off is coming from, and to be honest, I would be like him. As soon as you have crossed bounds of friendships, it may taint how an interactions are perceived between both parties. I also think it's the fact that irregardless of how much your girl says it's cool, woman can chat sh*t to front. I know I wouldn't want to spend time in the presence of one of my girl's exes irregardless of how long ago it was.People may remember me telling you lot about one tease that wanted to come up to Coventry but I said no because I had a girl. Now, we have both crossed the line of friendship twice, and I can't look at her as a friend anymore really. She has asked me to phone her when I'm in North London and come jam, but I can't look at her in the same light as before where I could have. We may talk from time to time, but I would rather keep it at that. I saw her at a BBQ recently, but conversation was short and sweet because we don't need to get deep.
to be fair i wanted responses from people like you and el kaption people that are in relationships that MEAN SOMETHING not them 6 month type sh*t or from a single persons perspective as their mind state would be different what i got with my girl is just WICKED havent been happier and there is no way on this earth that i am f*ck*ng that up just to be COOL with an ex id sooner never see her again as she is not my woman.and i know only too well how girls FRONT and the joke is the first time around my girl said what violet said but NOW she is saying something different so that pretty much solidifies that she was fronting and the first time round with the christening ting she didnt love me she just liked me a lot now she is BLATENTLY in love so fronting is harder than it once was.like i said my ex is probably dissapointed this much i know but i can live with that cos i got my girl but ill be damned if my girl is upset with me over my ex.hell to the no.

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Marlon has a point, but I understand where Face Off is coming from, and to be honest, I would be like him. As soon as you have crossed bounds of friendships, it may taint how an interactions are perceived between both parties. I also think it's the fact that irregardless of how much your girl says it's cool, woman can chat sh*t to front. I know I wouldn't want to spend time in the presence of one of my girl's exes irregardless of how long ago it was.People may remember me telling you lot about one tease that wanted to come up to Coventry but I said no because I had a girl. Now, we have both crossed the line of friendship twice, and I can't look at her as a friend anymore really. She has asked me to phone her when I'm in North London and come jam, but I can't look at her in the same light as before where I could have. We may talk from time to time, but I would rather keep it at that. I saw her at a BBQ recently, but conversation was short and sweet because we don't need to get deep.
to be fair i wanted responses from people like you and el kaption people that are in relationships that MEAN SOMETHING not them 6 month type sh*t or from a single persons perspective as their mind state would be different what i got with my girl is just WICKED havent been happier and there is no way on this earth that i am f*ck*ng that up just to be COOL with an ex id sooner never see her again as she is not my woman.and i know only too well how girls FRONT and the joke is the first time around my girl said what violet said but NOW she is saying something different so that pretty much solidifies that she was fronting and the first time round with the christening ting she didnt love me she just liked me a lot now she is BLATENTLY in love so fronting is harder than it once was.like i said my ex is probably dissapointed this much i know but i can live with that cos i got my girl but ill be damned if my girl is upset with me over my ex.hell to the no.
Then you know what 2 do.

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I agree with marlon she prob sees you as a friend and you still see her as an ex.If i was your girlfriend id be wondering why it was such a problem especially if like you say its only been a handful of times in which you have seen herid ask youdo you need her friendship? if not then it may be easier to lock it off to avoid the awkwardness. Even hough it seems like you think shes cool and you prob dont want to offend her or insult her unecessarily i think in these situations sometimes we have to do just that to avoid complications,at the end of the day you both went years without th friendship so no need to rekindle it now.your girl may flex like shes cool with it but i doubt she really is she prob does not wantto make a mountain out of a molehill.
okay so if this is the case do i NOT tell my girl that she was once my ex (obviously thats too late) only for her to one day find out we were when we were kids not being funny but i dont think that would be very nice.that also brings a next problem dont it?seems maybe i shouldnt of told my girl EVERYTHING but then im sure thats just not the way forward really and truly.
no you should have told your girl EVERYTHING thats the only way to be in a good relationship so your not wrong for doing that.you just need to ask yourself will you miss her friendship? if not lock it off its not worth the hassleDo you maybe think she wants to rub her life into you a bit?by that i mean do you think its a case of she just wants to show how happy she is with her family etc,especially if you say shes snobby,maybe a case of 'look what i am now you lost out'?maybe its just a huge ego trip for her to have you there in the presence of her partner and your girlfriend

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I agree with marlon she prob sees you as a friend and you still see her as an ex.If i was your girlfriend id be wondering why it was such a problem especially if like you say its only been a handful of times in which you have seen herid ask youdo you need her friendship? if not then it may be easier to lock it off to avoid the awkwardness. Even hough it seems like you think shes cool and you prob dont want to offend her or insult her unecessarily i think in these situations sometimes we have to do just that to avoid complications,at the end of the day you both went years without th friendship so no need to rekindle it now.your girl may flex like shes cool with it but i doubt she really is she prob does not wantto make a mountain out of a molehill.
okay so if this is the case do i NOT tell my girl that she was once my ex (obviously thats too late) only for her to one day find out we were when we were kids not being funny but i dont think that would be very nice.that also brings a next problem dont it?seems maybe i shouldnt of told my girl EVERYTHING but then im sure thats just not the way forward really and truly.
no you should have told your girl EVERYTHING thats the only way to be in a good relationship so your not wrong for doing that.you just need to ask yourself will you miss her friendship? if not lock it off its not worth the hassleDo you maybe think she wants to rub her life into you a bit?by that i mean do you think its a case of she just wants to show how happy she is with her family etc,especially if you say shes snobby,maybe a case of 'look what i am now you lost out'?maybe its just a huge ego trip for her to have you there in the presence of her partner and your girlfriend
i would agree with messy if she was a serious exbut really some schoolboy relationship from way back wheni doubt itif thats seriously what shes on ...then boy shes got issuesbecause you didn't make it sound like you two were that serious for her to be caring about you like thatbut still... you know her and we don't so boi

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