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madnlooney

Earthquake hits liverpool

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An earthquake measuring 5.7 on the Richter scale hit Liverpool last Wednesdaymorning. The epicentre was Bootle. Casualties were seen wandering aimlesslysaying "bang out of order", "mental" and "that did my 'ead in".The earthquake decimated the area, causing in excess of ̣̉17.50 Worth of damage.Several priceless collections of mementoes from Ibiza andCorfu were damaged beyond repair. Three reserved areas of Historic burnt out cars were destroyed and many locals were woken before theirgiros arrived.One resident, Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four, Said "It was such a shock. Little Chardonnay-Leigh came running into My bedroom crying. My hands were shaking so much I could hardly skin up While watching Trisha".The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates ofSunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workersAre still searching through the rubble and have found numerous'Elizabeth Duke' sovereigns, benefit books, bone china from Pound Stretcher AndArgos catalogues. However, they have still not yet managed to save anyfurniture from Crazy George's.HOW CAN YOU HELP?This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels forthose unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are Lacoste tracksuits(preferably His and hers), white socks, burberry caps, woolly beanie hats and classicReebok trainers. Food parcels are also needed. They include McCains Micro Chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch and Iceland Pizzas. Alcohol is also inshort supply - especially White Lightning Cider and Carlsberg Special Brew.CASH DONATIONS ARE ALSO NEEDED22p buys a Bic biro for signing oṇ̉2.50 buys a jumbo sausage dinneṛ̉3.00 buys a "knock-off" CḌ̉20.00 buys a fake MOT Certificate(or 10 gallons of petrol to burn The vehicleout) ̣̉26.00 buys 200 Regal from Tommo, who has just got back from Kavos

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