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THE PERFECT GUIDE TO PULLIN' A SICKIE *hint, hint* Vickie B

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biggrin.gif That's right! Here ya go:Pulling the perfect sickieThrowing a sickie has become a national pastime, with one in five of us admitting to the occasional skive.If you've overdone it and donâââ‰â¢t fancy going in, hereâââ‰â¢s a quick guide to faking the perfect short illness.Choosing your illness: :D Heavy cold - comes on suddenly and gives you at least two days off to make it look convincing. :D Kidney stones - acute pain, but passes quickly. Get someone to phone in for you while you scream in the background. :D Ear infection - painful, but clears up quickly. Mention your disgusting discharge. :D Migraine - comes on quickly, lasts up to two days. :D Back pain - difficult to diagnose and can give you a nice long break. :D Womenâââ‰â¢s or menâââ‰â¢s problems - bosses will run a mile rather than listen to the details.Preparation:Get drunk - a hangover makes you sound ill.Gargle with salt water - youâââ‰â¢ll sound hoarse on the phone.Know your symptoms - you may get questioned.See a doctor - he might be convinced and sign you off anyway.Lay the foundations - leave tissues and cold cure packs at work.Making the call:Holding the phone - hold it away from you and muffle it with a cloth.Never promise to be in tomorrow - how do you know if youâââ‰â¢ll improve?Stuff something up your nose - youâââ‰â¢ll sound nasal.Donâââ‰â¢t answer the phone - you might be caught out by the boss.Phone early - the boss will not be in, so the message will be passed on.What else to do:Ask for work - youâââ‰â¢ll not have to do it if youâââ‰â¢re ill, but it shows willing.Take two days - itâââ‰â¢s more convincing, more so if you avoid Monday or Friday.Going out - avoid anywhere near work and never return with a tan.Vary the theme - an obscure relativeâââ‰â¢s death or childâââ‰â¢s mystery rash might be more believable.Get a rash of your own - stinging nettles will do the job.If all else fails, you can always make up a wild story.10 ridiculous excuses: ( I recommend NOT to use these).1. Iâââ‰â¢m being held by two girls who will not let me out until I choose between them.2. I was bitten by an injured squirrel I was taking to the vet.3. Iâââ‰â¢m in an identity parade.4. I was in an identity parade, but now Iâââ‰â¢m being questioned.5. I have to dogsit.6. The voices told me to clean the gun collection today.7. All my shoes have been stolen.8. Iâââ‰â¢ve found out I was switched at birth, so legally I shouldnâââ‰â¢t come in as my employee records are false.9. Your little secret is safe with me.10. Iâââ‰â¢m working for MI5. I canâââ‰â¢t say any more.

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Oh sh*t! And there was me thinking that I could get away with some of those, but now it's been published for all the MD's to see. Damnit!I got it off another website.

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I've used a few of them tips before. And the funny thing is, I'm feeling unwell right now too. Got a back-ache and and a tummy ache. :cry:

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I've used a few of them tips before. And the funny thing is, I'm feeling unwell right now too. Got a back-ache and and a tummy ache.  :cry:
did you get that chair sorted yet?

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