Tulse is your name Paul Doyle and do you work for the Guardian?

[Badman]

The Joy of Six: footballers of the decadeIn no particular order, here are half a dozen of the best players of the noughties, from Ronaldinho to Claude Makélélé 1) RonaldinhoThe decade got off to an unhappy start for Brazil's latest prodigy when his dream move to St Mirren fell through, but the young Ronaldinho somehow recovered from that setback to become the most celebrated player on the planet. In two years at Paris St-Germain he provided so much magical entertainment that some spectators assumed he'd escaped from the nearby EuroDisney (go on then, crack a predictable joke about his goofy smile). In 2002, he scored a fantastical free-kick against England while leading Brazil, along with Rivaldo and the original Ronaldo, to the World Cup. In 2003, he took his show to Barcelona, and for most of the next four years he staged weekly festivals of flicks, dribbles and fabulous free-kicks, all backed up by visionary passing, ferocious competitiveness and explosive acceleration. On one famous occasion, while scoring twice in a 3-0 win at the Bernabéu, even Real Madrid fans were moved to acclaim a player who had the ability and audacity to do things that no one since Diego Maradona had even imagined possible. Whatever Messers Corbett and Barker may claim, there was only one Ronnie.2) Cristiano RonaldoOne of the favourite terms of Ron Atkinson was "amusement arcade", which he used to describe a player who was full of tricks and gimmicks but so short of "end product" that he was ultimately a waste of time. The term was frequently applied to Ronaldo during his early days at Old Trafford. Then the young Portuguese began to write his own definitions, eventually giving a new meaning to wing-play and customising a unique, ridiculously successful way of taking free-kicks. The amorphous menace that Manchester United were able to present going forward when Ronaldo was with them, coupled with the physical prowess that made him a force in the air and one of the few who can run even faster with a ball at his feet than without, helped him plunder a preposterous 40 goals in the 2007-08 season en route to victory in the Premier League and Champions League. Blessed with a temperament that makes him revel on centre stage, the dumb abuse he received in England following the 2006 World Cup, at which he performed splendidly, merely helped him refine his performance, as, it seems, has his record-breaking move to Real Madrid.3) Lionel MessiThis Argentinian is 22 yet already boasts a back catalogue of goals, tricks, runs and passes that could be compiled into a bumper Christmas DVD, and probably has been in Barcelona. He has coped comfortably with the inevitable comparison with Maradona that intensified following his goal against Getafe in 2007 yet one of the big worries for the year ahead is that he may not be able to step outside of El Diego's shadow in a different sense – if the Argentina manager does not rectify his bizarre mishandling of the talents at his disposal, next year's World Cup will suffer. At club level, at least, Messi will surely shine for many years to come.4) Frank LampardEngland's absence from Euro 2008 provoked no end of soul- and scapegoat-searching, but the most remarkable omission of this decade has been that of Frank Lampard's name from the list of PFA Player of the Year winners. No player has been as consistently dynamic and influential in the Premier League as the man many halfwits insist on calling fat. With an eye for a cutting pass (and a deftness that the also excellent Steven Gerrard does not possess), a knack for arriving at the right spot at the right time, never injured and in perpetual motion, Lampard has been at the heart and mind of a huge portion of his side's goal over the past eight years. In addition to countless key passes, he was Chelsea's top scorer as they won the title in 2005 and 2006 and for the past five seasons he has never failed to get into double figures in the league, and averaged a goal every three games in Europe. David Beckham may have been the most ubiquitous English player of he decade, Lampard has been the most important.5) Iker CasillasFour days after his 19th birthday, Iker Casillas kept a clean sheet while helping Real Madrid to win the 2000 Champions League final. The following season the youngster suffered what would turn out to be his only patch of bad form, and lost his place to César Sanchez, though when the latter got injured in the final of the 2002 Champions League, Casillas sprung into action with a series of match-winning saves. His reflexes are paranormally fast – quicker even than Gigi Buffon's - his footwork equally rapid, and, though relatively short for a keeper, he has an uncanny capacity to make himself big in front of strikers, meaning the odds always seem improbably skewed in his favour in one-on-one situations.Less spectacular but equally important, he is clearly possessed of exceptional mental strength and focus, enabling him to maintain his concentration throughout the long periods of possession, and frequent crises, that his club has enjoyed and endured this decade. For his country he was excellent in the 2006 World Cup and a key part of the Euro 2008-winning team (and not only in the penalty shoot-out victory over Buffon's Italy. He came in to replace the injured Santi Cañizares at the 2002 World Cup, where one of his contemporaries, Oliver Kahn, excelled before doing something Casillas would never do - blunder in the biggest match of all.6) Claude MakéléléPerhaps the biggest tactical trend for which this decade will be remembered is the widespread deployment of a defensive midfielder whose brief is more narrow than that of any other player on the pitch, except maybe the goalkeeper and that near-extinct species, the goal-hanging striker. Claude Makélélé was by no means the first, nor even the most successful (Didier Deschamps trumps him on both counts) but in insular Britain at least, he literally became synonymous with the role of football caddie and most teams tried to find an impersonator. Small, but with huge limitations, Makélélé won titles with Real Madrid and Chelsea, where his more talented team-mates lauded him because he did much of their grunt work, and his decision to come out of international retirement to wait hand and foot on Zinédine Zidane helped France to reach the 2006 World Cup final.Chelsea players were so eager to show their appreciation for him that, after he failed to score in his first 93 appearances for the club, they let him take a penalty in a meaningless end-of-season match against Charlton. He scuffed the spot-kick but scrambled in the rebound, concisely encapsulating his career. After his departure from Stamford Bridge, Michael Essien arrived to do everything Makélélé once did, and much, much more.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2009/dec/18/the-joy-of-six-footballers-decadelol @ this