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5 ways to know if you're playing the Heskey role...


Mr. Air Max 90

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5. POSITIVE PRESS CONFERENCES: When she tells her friends ”He is so sweet/nice guy/gentleman/lovely..(all the above)”

Its official good guys rarely get to beat. Girls tend to say this as a get out clause for when you put it on them and they aren’t comfortable enough to take it any further, they play the victim role of ‘oh, I thought we were just friends’. Negro please, the Peckham dude was just a friend but he is getting it in, so dont give me that bullsh*t.

When the world begins to make excuses for your short comings, start to worry. It’s the same excuse some pundits give for Heskey, he had not scored in 20 international matches, but he’s a great guy and plays the line well. *emotionless face*

4. NO MAN MARKING: When her other links know your name and never say more than ‘you cool bruv’ to you.

You know you are playing a Heskey role when a next man knows that you spend time with their girl and doesn’t break a sweat about it. It’s obvious that there is no rating over there for you. Plus when all another guy can say to you is ‘you cool bruv’ its a boyment. Any guy that considers you a threat will be letting his feelings heard and you will even get a couple of abusive calls telling you to leave their gyal alone. From when a dude is not even looking to man mark you then they obviously don’t rate your ability to score.

3. IN THE BOX: When she feels comfortable enough to be half-naked around you or even share a bed with you, knowing you wont beat.

This is usually a role previously played by the gay friend, but in 2010 looks like it’s been assigned to the Emile’s of this world. As a good guy, she knows that you are not going to make a move because you’re just not that kind of guy. Plus she knows that your game isn’t tight enough for you to actually convert the chance like the video below even if presented with the chance to do so.

2. ALWAYS THERE FOR A NEXT MAN’S GOAL CELEBRATION: When she asks you to come link her after she has been with a next man.

_41250012_beckham416.jpg

If a girl phones you after 11PM whilst on a link and she is not in her own home, then it is more than likely that she is looking for a good guy to spend post-beat time with. She needs someone to talk to about trees and birds, Drake’s album or why the world is round etc, because the guy that just went in has not got time for all that nonsense. But she knows you will always be there when it matters. But guess who will be getting the headlines in the papers next morning? not you.

Next morning on the phone to her friend.

The Girl: ‘Oh my days the sex was amazing, he knows what he’s doing’

Her friend: ‘Ohh I am so jealous’ so how comes you got back home so early?’

The Girl: ”Oh *Emile* dropped me home, he is so sweet…”

Sadness!

1. SCRAPPY BEATS: When you manage to beat because she was either drunk or happened to need someone after an argument with her man

I know what you’re thinking, a beat is a beat. But a scrappy beat does not come often and rarely merits a celebration, especially when you have invested both financially and emotionally. You know you didn’t want to beat, you wanted to make love, with candles and honey just like Heskey was hoping for a left footed scissor kick goal on the video above, but ended up having to settle for an any guy tap in. Look at the disappointment in his face, that is how you will feel because you know next week she will be back in South London with other brothers

SADNESS

heskey2.jpg

- http://www.brotherswithnogame.com

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