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A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and . . . everything else was automatic!Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis.He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?""Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "the machine was programmed to release automatically once it's collected two gallons of milk."

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A man walks into a cafe on his lunchbreak.He Opens up a menu and looks for today's specials, 'Tuna rolls: ã1.50, Cheese Rolls: ã1.20 handjob: ã10'. The man looks in his pocket, sees a ã10 note, and smiles. He walks up to the counter and notices a beautiful blond woman standing behind the till.He goes, "psssssst, come ere". She walks over, cheekily grins at him and asks, "How can I help you?" The man asks, "Are you the girl who does the handjobs?" She replies, "Why yes, I am". He leans forward, gives her the ã10 note and says,"Wash yer hands an make me a Cheese roll love."

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Guest Seriouss

Whats blue and f*cks children?Arsonist in his lucky blue coat.

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A duck hunter is out one day having no luck. He hunts the whole morning and couldn't get a single kill. On the way home he comes up to a farm house and flying over the barnyard is a big flock of fat mallards. Seeing his last chance for success, he takes aim at what looked like the biggest duck in the flock and gave it both barrels. The duck fell from the sky and landed in the middle of a barnyard. As the hunter nears the barnyard and the dead duck, he sees he's got himself a beauty. But when he is a mere 20 paces from the duck, a farmer steps out of the barn, picks up the duck and heads for the house. "Hey!" said the hunter, "Come back with my duck!" "Your duck?" says the farmer, "It was lying dead in my barnyard; it's MY duck." "No! No! You don't understand!, shouts the hunter, "I shot it and it just happened to fall here. It's mine!" "Okay, city fella. We'll settle this the country way," says the farmer. "Country way? What's that?" says the hunter. "We take turns hitting each other as hard as we can," says the farmer. "Last man standing wins the duck.... That is, unless you're Yella." "Of course I'm not yellow," says the hunter. "Fine. Country way it is," says the farmer. "Since we're on my property, I'll go first." With that, the farmer takes a half step back, steadies himself, and kicks the hunter square in the groin as hard as he can. The hunter gasps, screams like an animal, falls on the ground, curls up in a knot, turns 3 shades of purple, and nearly pass out. After a full half hour and with considerable difficulty, the hunter straightens up, gasps again, and in a high strained voice says, "Now... my... turn! The farmer reply: "Nah, I give up. Here's your duck."

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Guest Seriouss

lolWhat was that very funny comic strip thing about r*pe and insest and that?

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What do the antartic and Verginia Tech got in common?They are both minus 33---------How do you kill 10000 flies one time?Hit an ethiopian in the face with a shovel--------Whats good about an Ethiopian chick?They always swallow-----------Pakistan are the only team to bring back the ashes from the world cup-------------Beckham's penalty went over the barDiana's driver hit the post----------What do you call a black man in the tree with a suitcase?A branch managerThese are the most recent ones that I have heard

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What do the antartic and Verginia Tech got in common?They are both minus 33
Lmao.

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Where are you?I need you tonight.My bodies calling you.I need you on me.Why cant you come to me?Bloody Pjs

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Most people today would claim that r*pe is a terrible crime almost akin to murder, but I strongly disagree. Far from a vile act, r*pe is a magical experience that benifits society as a whole. I realize many of you will disagree with this thesis, but lend me your ears and Iââ¬â¢m sure Iââ¬â¢ll sway you towards a darkened alley.If it werenââ¬â¢t for r*pe, Western Civilization might not exist as we know it today. When the Romans were faced with a disproportionate ratio of women to men in the early kingdom, they had to do something, lest their flidgling society die for lack of sons. To solve their little dilemma, they did what any reasonable man would do: they threw a festival for their Sabine neighbors, and then stole and raped their women. Itââ¬â¢s quite logical; in fact I donââ¬â¢t understand why the settlers at Plymoth didnââ¬â¢t do the same to the local Indiansââ¬âit certainly would have saved on shipping costs.Obviously, in the case of the r*pe of the Sabines, r*pe was a tremendous help to society. The Sabine women, for their part, didnââ¬â¢t seem to mind so much, as they threw themselves between their brutish old Sabine husbands and their charming new Roman ones to prevent bloodshed when the Sabine men came to reclaim their wives. Yet even when society was totally against a r*pe, the raunchy act has benifited society too. Where would the Romans be, after all, if it werenââ¬â¢t for the r*pe of the Lucretia infuriating the people to the point of overthrowing their last king, Lucius Tarpuinius Superbus? If it werenââ¬â¢t for that event, the world might have never had the Roman Republic for a pristine example of a flawless government.Rapes glorious advantages are not, however, exclusively found from 2,000 year old examples. In actuality r*pe advantages can very much be seen today. Take ugly women for example. If it werenââ¬â¢t for r*pe, how would they ever know the joys of intercourse with a man who isnââ¬â¢t drunk? In a society as plastic-conscious as our own, are we really to believe that some man would ever sleep with a girl resembling a wildebeest if he didnââ¬â¢t have a few schnapps in him? Of course he wouldnââ¬â¢tââ¬âat least no self-respecting man wouldââ¬âbut there in lies the beauty of r*pe. No self respecting man would r*pe in the first place, so ugly women are guaranteed a romp with not only a sober man, but a bad boy too; and we all know how much ladies like the bad boy.Ugly women are not, however, the only people who benefit from r*peââ¬âprisoners enjoy as many perks too. What, after all, could be possibly be more boring than spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day? The answer, of course, is spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day and never getting some hot action. With r*pe, prisoners never have to worry about that. Instead, they merely need worry about treating their rapist with enough love and respect to earn a quick reach-around.But if there is one bread and butter reason for why r*pe should not only be accepted, but even endorsed, it is because our news editors are in dire need of interesting stories for our front page. Bookstore stories? Fossils? One dollar coins? Please. Now, some saucy circle-jerk r*pe action? Yeah, thatââ¬â¢s the ticket.http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2007...f-you-fight-it/ The funny thing about this? Its not a joke. Which makes it funny.

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