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50 Shades of Tanesha

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Just got this story from twitter, read it and i can guarantee u'll laugh

Lemme tell you a lil story cause im bored, I call it the reason i don't deal with south chicks

Now there was a chick called Tanesha from Lewisham i met about 3 years ago from lewisham

I should of known everything was gonna go downhill, from time your name ends in "sha" and your from south..leave it

Anyway i was at my cousins yard in south, saw her, got her number reh teh teh

She was calm, didn't talk ghetto, mixrace seemed kl, i waited for her bus to come and yh she cut

So obviously i got yard, added the facebook started talking, these times i was useing msn, so webcam all that sh*t

So we talked for a few weeks, i'm tryna get her to come buck me, she's longing the ting, but shes nice so i'm cald wid it

It got to a stage where we talked like everyday uno...but everytime i asked her to come she would long it

Till one week she told me to come down....

So obviously i know dis chick is nice, so i put in work lol wore new garms, fresh crep, i was young i wanted to press LOOL

So i'm waitng for her at the station, it's hot as f*ck!!...she comes in a pink Adidas tracksuit O_o

BMT she came looking like mr blobby, am i a prick

Anyway, we were walking thru her ends, shes askin what i wanna do i'm just thinkin "please get changed"

cut a long story short we ended up at her yard

Now we in her room yh, and fxuk it we aint in public so i started dropping afew bars lool -__-

i don't wanna get to descriptive but it got to that stage where yh she took off her top n that, but still had on ur tracksuit bottoms

I knew she was on it but she was going on bare stoosh

she pulled it down, and im thinkin yhhhhhhhh,,,then as it came to her ankle i see some box on her leg

i'm thinking its some kinda dumb ankle bracelet....nar the bitch was on TAG!! O_o

no wonder she never wanted to come my ends, and no wonder she always wore trousers

so obviously i asked her what she was on tag for, she say robbery...better belive i clinged onto my wallet

you lot think the stories over, nar better believe it gets worse uno

so anyway i'm weary this girl is a criminal mastermind but i didnt come all the way to south for her to give me her criminal record

so yh im doing the ting, half way through *BANG BANG BANG* "TANESHA OPEN THE f*ck*ng DOOR"

she harlem shaked her body off me, "f*ck f*ck hide"

I'm thinking what do you mean hide who is that, your dad?

shes like nar its my man ffs, two two's now this ute is banging on the door like someone is dieing inside the house

LOOL i forgot to say this was a bunkbed we were on, so of all places to hide, she hid me on the top f*ck*ng bunk

i'm hearing footsteps n i think she just coming back up, IMGAGINE SHE BROUGHT THE GUY INTO HER ROOM!

So both of them are in the room talking, whilst im on the top bunk naked with a boner O_o

so yh there both talking, and im waiting there casj thinkin when she gonna tell this guy to leave

Imagine she went on her laptop and started playing slow jams....is she ill? does she know im still here?

lool the bars dis ute was droppin tho..moist moist moist

anyway two two's now i hear them lipsing....im thinking..no they wont...they f*ck*ng won't....

*zippp* i hear his zip go down *slurp* SHE STARTED GIVING HIM BRAIN WHILE I WAS IN ON THE TOP BED NAKED!

Now i would of just ran out if i was fully clothed, but i was naked, am i a prick to run onto the street with no clothes

and his bredda was like 22, i was 16-17 at the time

so yh shes giving him brain and he goes "MY TURN".....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HES LICKING HER NARNI AFTER I JUST PRESSED IT 5MINS AGO!!! (DONT TRUST THESE HOES)

I'm in the bed bare trying not to laugh, cause if he knew...boi

so yh they start beating, and im just casj at the top, the whole bed was shaking, it felt kinda soothing uno i wont gas

like i was on a lil bouncy castle -_-

but anyway shes moaning blah blah, then she says my name..oh oh

he stops..." who the f*ck is alex, am i a prick"

this guy starts getting MAD!!! " who the f*ck is alex" imagine this dumb bitch said "my cousin"...*sigh*

the guy is going crazy, punching up the yard, "are you cheating on man, tanesha i'll kill you uno"

i'm just in bed praying to our heavenly father that this guy does not clock me, asking god to forgive my sins

she's bare crying saying she hasnt cheated blah blah blah, and he banged her in the face..so he hit a female imagine what he would do to me

so i started praying even harder, i think at this point i even started praying to allah aswell, try get both gods on my side

God answered my prayer because the guy just ducked out n left the yard.. GOD IS REAL!

So the door slams, and i climb down the bed and look at tanesha on the floor, her face all bloodied up

shes crying, and looking at me as if im about to bend down and her her and tell her everything is gonna be ok

I put on my clothes slowly, looking at her the whole time, thinking what to say, bmt i was feeling rage

i finally got changed..bent down looked at her.....

.....AND I SLAPPED HER!

Nar fxuk it i don't care, she put my life in danger lool, i was vex i had to watch her get bait and licked out nar f*ck dat

anyway, i walked to the station and her man was there LOOL, if only you knew my brudda...if only you knew

So thats the story lool, the moral is don't deal with chicks from south, and always check their ankles

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

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"she's bare crying saying she hasnt cheated blah blah blah, and he banged her in the face..so he hit a female imagine what he would do to me"

thats that real nigga sh*t

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i'm just in bed praying to our heavenly father that this guy does not clock me, asking god to forgive my sins

so i started praying even harder, i think at this point i evn started praying to allah aswell, try get both gods on my side

God answered my prayer because the guy just ducked out n left the yard.. GOD IS REAL!

Lmfao

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Guest PROFIT MARGINS

i'm just in bed praying to our heavenly father that this guy does not clock me, asking god to forgive my sins

so i started praying even harder, i think at this point i evn started praying to allah aswell, try get both gods on my side

God answered my prayer because the guy just ducked out n left the yard.. GOD IS REAL!

Lmfao

Prayed to Allah as well

:rofl:

cbl

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Lol my fave bit was how soothing the movement of the bunkbed was while they had sex

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