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Toney Barton

Leaving a football club

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is like leaving a woman.

When you have nothing left to say, you go.

-Eric Cantona

How have you left your partners in the past?

Or how have they left you?

Was there surprise from either party?

Did it end on good terms?

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I don't know

All the black chicks I been with and linked (We parted on good terms and I still see them)

Other ethnics I been with and linked (Never ends well they always want man to get run over or die in slowly and painful death .them bitches are cray)

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Guest chap44uns

always ended on good terms

i never speak to old tings, whats the point?

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Nah, I mean like a more serious relationship.

and I'd like to add, did you have trouble moving on?

Did you compare next partners to them.

Any regrets?

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normally continue f*ckin, get back together, and have that cycle until we realise it's not worth it.

most times it ends amicably, but stop speaking within about 2 months.

had some breakups where it's been relieving, and get the sense of freedom.

had some where You think You'd like to have saved the relationship

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and I'd like to add, did you have trouble moving on?

Did you compare next partners to them.

Any regrets?

trouble moving on - yes and no. I find plentiful new links, and use them to fill the void. finding a new relationship is hard.

compare partners to them - no. I want a girl as different as possible. I don't want to be reminded of the ex

I have tried the opposite, wifeyed the girl as similar to the ex as possible for a "like for like" replacement - doesn't work.

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could have beaten the shit out of my ex

just cut her out

try come back after a couple months thinkin shit had cooled off, i made her cry then cut her out again

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potential long read. Split up with my son's mother in Feb, but it was ending from back end of last year, say September. Had moved in properly with them (son and girlfriend [his mother] in about June/July and prior to that i was staying over about 4/5 days of the week and still living at my mums.

Seperation has been difficult not so much emotionally but moreadjusting to a different way of life and for the fact i felt bitter (and still do but less than b4) that she didnt have the strength to work at it and try EVERYTHING and as a result the situation that i am now in. Basically it wasnt working, she decided she had had enough and couldnt be unhappy anymore, i wasnt happy with our situation but i wasnt ''unhappy', i wasnt content either emotion just wasnt the priority so 2 speak if u get me. i was willing to try other methods but she wasnt. my willingness stems from the fact that i have a family now(her me and son) and you have tough times but you must work at them, i love her but there wasnt much romantic love (complacency slipped in+other issues). Females (generalisation) need to feel loved men need to feel respected. She didnt feel loved, i didnt feel understood or respected at times.

Plus, the bitterness also came from the fact that i dont feel i had the chance to establish or mark my territory in the household, now i have to make arrangements to see my son. she doesnt live far, and we are very very civil. we are friendly, but not friends but its not the same as waking up everyday to your woman and child, making you child breakfast etc all the small routines good and bad that you once were used to.

Women on the whole dont understand what its like to not have your child around and how that can affect the man as 9/10 live with the child when they seperate from the child's father. i had moved in, moved all my stuff in finally, getting used to living with her and my son, space, routines, sharing food, food bills, household bills etc, chores like cooking, washing up, cleaning etc etc. all that can be underestimated in terms of how you adapt to it. it doesnt just gel you have to negotiate it and work it out. It was additoonally difficult becasue her younger brother's dad died (she has different dad via Motorbike accident) and shes very family orientated and the 6 weeks holidays came and she is very family as am i orientated so he came to stay around alot during the 6weeks holidays. i would go work (running my own business with my team in an office) come home in the evening to a house full of her family (her sister &her daughter, her teenage brother, her cousin whos same age as her brother and other cousins this is a 2 bed flat). i couldnt relax, i was tired, house was messy. she wasnt working (but was getting income support + money from hairdressing she is a hairdresser, proper one, albeit still learning, but no simple canerow specialist, has clients and would either bring them home or go to their yard to do their hair with my son) so wanted the company as she got bored and missed aspects of working life. she lost her identity becomign a mother as being a mother defined her and she coundt break away from it. (i have found this to be similar with a lot of young new mothers). come weekend she wanted to go out to escape her 'mundane weekly life' and as time went on, we went out together less and less, and her with her cousins/sister/friends more and more.

things got worse, untill she told me imaybe space will help. space didnt really work, i left. things wasnt helped by my funding getting cut so i was working for free from October. obviosuly when you believe in what your doing you are prepared to work for free especailly when you enjoy the work too for a lil while but the lack of money issues will start to take their toll. i tried to compensate for my lack of bringin in money by being more domesticated and her business started picking up so roles kinda reversed in a slight sense. To me, who brang in the money didnt matter that much as in the traditional sense. i thought you have to be flexible in your appraoch to work and we have to approach money and finances like a team, both working for ourselves, i was prepared to help her business. That just brang a different problem in that she felt that i wasnt a man (cos she didnt see my vision/ethos/ideology), and to asert my masculinity (i dnt conform to traditional rigid gender roles) i would become a clean freek ( a way of being in control, making my teritory belatedly) . Her being messier than me, just wound me up, she couldnt take my 'ocd' and my 'logical' thought porcess to running a clean, happy, harmonious household fit for family including child developement .

Eg i would come home from work see cups on the side, messy floor, my sons room messy, bedroom messy, dinner not ready or even started and this would make me on edge and not understand what the hell she had been doing all day. she would say shes been doing hair all day + looking after lil man. i was question why she didnt have order and suggest small changes that make the world of a difference such as simply putting things out of his reach saves you from constantly tidying/chasing up after him. you have one child not 2 or 3 children,

i moved back to my mums 1 week after goign on holiday for my birthday (in feb paid 4 by mum) with my mum, sisters and mums partner. son and girlfriend were initailly meant to come but she was dragging her heels + money, so i thought lemme go away for a week relax clear my head. i found a flat (subletting from an associate cos i felt goign back 2 mums was a backward step + when i moved out mum gave my room 2 1 of my sisters and i didnt wana disrupt them + i cant live there anymore need own space) i let her keep most of he joint things that we had in the flat, i basically had no income (started signing on but was using it 2 pay rent), money was hard, didnt have no furntiture 4 my flat bar bedroom stuff, still going to work to salvage business but my colleagues efforts were diminishing. i would go round a different family member's yard everyday for dinner, walk to work when broke, skate to work due 2 no bus fare, and have my son at weekends at my mums.

I always remained positive though, didnt let it get me down, though sh*t isnt that bad and cannot get worse than this, thigns will change just put in the effort adn your forunes will change. When we split up and she said i have to move my stuff out, i said im making this clear, i am not sleeping here, i am our sons dad, not his babysitter, no sex at all, no intimacy, no physical interaction. since that day. since that day i havent sexed her, i thought sex would just complicate things plus it would be letting her have a better end of the deal so 2 speak than me if we sexed.

since then, ive banged 1 chick (mid june). Chicks were naturally on my mind, but i wouldnt put myself out there as im not fully over her + wasnt on linking whilst broke/though i had more important things 2 concentrate on and confidence was low/me being rusty from being out the game so long. Bredrins agreed but suggested banging chicks would actually help and get my ex out of my system. still i wasnt gonna bring chicks 2 my unready unhomley flat (im house proud) but im getting there. right now, im about 80%, lack of sex has given mental clarity.

Right now, im on the up, the business disbanded, ive got 2 jobs atm, see my son regular can pay 2 put sh*t in my flat, and feel better. to be honest, even when i was rock bottom (no money, staying at mums) i didnt allow my mind 2 feel like i was rock bottom. Im 25, her 23, was with her since 17 (minus 6months when we split up) and used to see each other 5/6 days out of 7 EVERY WEEK (minus 3 x1 week holidays that i had). The longest ive gone without seeing my son is 7 days (once when i went on holiday in feb) . i guess we grew apart but ive dealt with the breakup pretty well.

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You've handled that situation so well. It's nice to hear how adamant you are at remaining present in your sons life and also trying to maintain a positive attitude through it all.

I know someone who's currently going in circles with her child's father and it just seems soooo draining and repititive because it's casual sex, then an argument then the same thing again. They both forget there's a child in this!

Do you think you'd try again at a relationship with your sons mother?

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you're a better man than most

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Good post from Gunner. Similar to what I went through, left all my ish in my son's Mum's house, and started afresh. No job, no money, down and OUT. Glad you didn't listen to your bredrins. Running through bitches doesn't help ONE BIT. Getting your mind right and life back on track is what you needed. I also done the same. And once I was in a position where you're doing EVERYTHING for yourself life clock work, it all falls into place, especially when you meet your next woman.

But the quote below is GOSPEL:

Females (generalisation) need to feel loved, men need to feel respected. She didn't feel loved, I didn't feel understood or respected at times.

This = ME.

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Will pos when I get home. Story end put a smile on my face.

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Glad you didn't listen to your bredrins. Running through bitches doesn't help ONE BIT. Getting your mind right and life back on track is what you needed.

This is how I been dealing with it, not putting no energy into women

Right now sex is the last thing on my mind, just have no real desire for it

Feels weird but at the same time refreshing

Taking a step back and looking at ''the game'', you see a lot, sometimes too much

Not sure if I can ever return

**insert indian joke here**

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Guest PROFIT MARGINS

Do u find it is easier to pretend that u are the one making a decision about something when in reality it's out of your control?

Tbf I can see how deluded thinking like this could make u feel better an forget how pathetic your life really is

i.e

"No fands...money is evil and fuck material things anyway"

"No friends...Not seeing anyone so I can focus on me"

"No p*ssy...right now sex is the last thing on my mind, just have no real desire for it".

UNLK

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Guest M12

Glad you didn't listen to your bredrins. Running through bitches doesn't help ONE BIT. Getting your mind right and life back on track is what you needed.

This is how I been dealing with it, not putting no energy into women

Right now sex is the last thing on my mind, just have no real desire for it

Feels weird but at the same time refreshing

Taking a step back and looking at ''the game'', you see a lot, sometimes too much

Not sure if I can ever return

**insert indian joke here**

i flip flop backwards and forwards tbh. Sometimes women will be the last thing on my mind and I'm just focussed on self improvement and making myself the best I can be. Other times i'll just be on a rampage running through girls like they are going out of fashion. I've been single about 6 months after a 3 year relationship and ive hit double figures messing about with women who didnt add any value to my life.

So personally I don't really know which approach helped me move on.

One thing I will say though my opinion of women in general is becoming more and tainted the more I have casual sex with. Especially when its with women who are older than me or with kids.

Shits all fucked up!

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Do u find it is easier to pretend that u are the one making a decision about something when in reality it's out of your control?

Tbf I can see how deluded thinking like this could make u feel better an forget how pathetic your life really is

i.e

"No fands...money is evil and f*ck material things anyway"

"No friends...Not seeing anyone so I can focus on me"

"No p*ssy...right now sex is the last thing on my mind, just have no real desire for it".

UNLK

this guy

but yh, theres clarity and just putting a spin on real issues in ur life

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Do u find it is easier to pretend that u are the one making a decision about something when in reality it's out of your control?

Tbf I can see how deluded thinking like this could make u feel better an forget how pathetic your life really is

i.e

"No fands...money is evil and f*ck material things anyway"

"No friends...Not seeing anyone so I can focus on me"

"No p*ssy...right now sex is the last thing on my mind, just have no real desire for it".

UNLK

this guy

but yh, theres clarity and just putting a spin on real issues in ur life

Course there is

But it is not relevant to anything posted in this topic

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Thanks for the post Gunner, I feel your honesty has opened up the thread.

I feel for you bro, not in a sympathetic way though, more that women don't appreciate a guys feelings a lot of the time and I see you had to put up with a lot.

I have some of the issues you've had regarding the state of the house at times but I don't have a child, these are things I'm trying to get right before a child is even brought into the equation.

The coming home and having people in your house, smh.

It seems you 2 probably weren't compatible from the beginning but tried to make it work for your child, I don't blame you at all but I do think this girl ain't for you.

I think your feelings are there for her more because of her title, your child's mother, as opposed to her qualities.

Sooner you find someone else more for you I think the better.

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One thing I will say though my opinion of women in general is becoming more and tainted the more I have casual sex with. Especially when its with women who are older than me or with kids.

Shits all fucked up!

Bruv, this is what reading slore central is doing to me lol.

If my shit didn't work out I'm not sure I will do a relationship ting again.

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I don't understand some of you men, you will f*ck about with stupid, useless women... then put us all into one group because of YOUR experiences

BUT as soon as a female says 'All men are sh*t' because of HER experiences... you're quick to attack her like a pack of wolves who have been malnourished for a decade.

Why play the generalization game if you can't handle being grouped with idiots?

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