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The 19 Rules Of Football When You're A Kid

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1. Setting up the goal.

 
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1. Posts

Can be made of anything, preferably clothing or school bags. When the ball comes into contact with the post, a consensus must be reached on whether it was a goal, wide or 'in off' [the post].

2. Cross bar 

The exact height varies from goal to goal, decided on a case by case basis. Whether the goalie could have conceivably reached the shot is a useful guideline.

2. Picking teams.

 
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There are two common methods for picking the sides.

1. Captains

The owner of the ball and the best player take turns picking until the worst player is left (feeling a bit like they want to cry).

2. Picking numbers

One player to turn their back while the others are allocated numbers which are then used to randomly* assign teams.

*cheating via coughs, nods or hidden hand gestures is rife in the game.

3. Who you're going to 'be'.

 
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Each player must pick a professional to channel for the course of the game.

4. New ball rule.

 
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A new ball cannot be played - or even bounced - on concrete for a minimum of two weeks when first purchased (to hold off this happening for as long as possible).

Via: flickr.com

5. Commentary.

 
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Any player is entitled to give a running commentary on their own performance, usually when on a solo dribble. E.g. He takes on one, he takes on two, he shoots! - Ooooooh, it's just wide!

Via: Getty

 
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6. Wembley Singles / Doubles

 
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When there are not enough players to make up two teams, individuals or pairs play against each other shooting at one goal. As always, the worst player goes in nets.

Scottish footballer Alex James, Wembley, 1932, Getty

7. Headers and Volleys.

 
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A game of advanced technique that involves keeping the ball within set parameters using only a header or a volley (one player at a time). Rules can be softened to allow half-volleys.

Via: flickr.com

8. Spot / Donkey / other

 
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Subject to regional varieties, each player is given a letter as a penalty for failing in the aims of game (often involving hitting a specific tree or wall).

Once 'donkey' (e.g.) has been reached, that player is out (and a donkey).

Via: flickr.com

 
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9. Rush keeper / First man back.

 
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When everyone refuses to play in nets, there are two options.

1. Rush keeper

Enables goalies to switch temporarily to an outfield position during the match, including going on solo runs and scoring goals.

2. First man back

Dictates that any outfield play can become the goalkeeper, depending on who gets back to the goal first when defending an attack.

Via: flickr.com

10. No goal mooching / blasting.

 
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Further safe guards for nervous 'keepers can be enforced.

1. No mooching / poaching

A crude variation of the offside rule, this is to prevent lazy players or 'glory hunters' from hanging around the opposition goal waiting for a Lineker-style tap in.

2. No blasting

This rule prevents anyone from kicking the ball with excessive force within a few feet of the goalmouth.

Via: flickr.com

11. Play on.

 
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A free pass to continue playing even when the ball's been kicked out, usually evoked by goalkeepers who can't be bothered to retrieve the ball.

12. Break in play.

 
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The game is only paused when the ball is accidentally kicked into a garden or under a car.

13. Getting the ball back.

 
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If the ball does accidentally go into a stranger's garden, asking for it back requires two players - the one who kicked it over in the first place and a loyal friend.

Via: flickr.com

14. Communication.

 
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In a fast-paced game, abbreviated instructions are essential.

15.

 
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'Next goal the winner' means the next team to score wins, and is almost always evoked at the end of a game by the side losing 9-2.

Via: flickr.com

16. If a randomer asks to play...

 
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17. Alternative balls.

 
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Tennis balls, basket balls and empty cans or bottles are acceptable alternatives when a proper football is not available.

Via: flickr.com

18. End of match.

 
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The game only ends when either:

1. It's too dark to see

2. Everyone is too tired to continue, or

3. The owner of the ball gets upset and goes home.

 
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19. No ref.

 
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No referee - or other adult - is required to enforce the above rules. After all, you're all mates, no matter what the final score.

 

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Shit I aint played Wembley in years I use to love that game use to hate wembley doubles might as well play a full blown match. bruv thanks for this post you have awoken somthing in me I feel to start training for next season. Now want to reach Finsbury this Saturday and up my fitness levels need to buy some boots

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ahha people used to get HEATED over wembley doubles

 

60 seconds>>>>

 

last goal wins>>>>>

 

LMAO @ man on and line it, back if u needed it

 

standard lingo tbh good thread 

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20 a side games were silly

Had to change it into a five a side (eight teams) tournament

Goals was sick

Three lives

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brought back my childhood

 

this deserves a handclap

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20 a side games were silly

Had to change it into a five a side (eight teams) tournament

Goals was sick

Three lives

Well street common days lol then leyton orient sorted out proper coaching remember being 10 and playing against 15 years olds who thought they were big for having top performances against primary kids

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i was a prolific goal hanger and i cared not

 

'I'm talking to the goalie'

wasteman :lol:

 

man was running up and down tryna get that goal and u man just chillin on the goal line while Van Nistlerooy'ing 

 

/

 

the ball would hit the bag on the floor(the post) depending on how mazy the run is or how scrappy it was would confirm whether it was a goal or not 

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20 a side games were silly

Had to change it into a five a side (eight teams) tournament

Goals was sick

Three lives

Well street common days lol then leyton orient sorted out proper coaching remember being 10 and playing against 15 years olds who thought they were big for having top performances against primary kids

Hackney Downs Tournaments>>>>>

Embrassing guys older than you by aleast five years >>>>>

>>>>>Fouls suffered

They got away with everything because there was no ref

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sh*t I aint played Wembley in years I use to love that game use to hate wembley doubles might as well play a full blown match. bruv thanks for this post you have awoken somthing in me I feel to start training for next season. Now want to reach Finsbury this Saturday and up my fitness levels need to buy some boots

webley u no 

 

that  how i know ur old skool 

 

its called 'world cup'

  • Downvote 2

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66 seconds

 

fack off

 

if it ever got close to 66 the way noone would touch the ball and the keeper would come out

 

game suddenly turned into dodgeball

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60 seconds was the one when you would snake some one right at the last second, tell man to cross and then leave it lool

Nutmeg rush >>>

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Teling man to cross it and snaking with like 8ses to go>>>>>>>>

Knockouts>>>>>>>>>>

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Teling man to cross it and snaking with like 8ses to go>>>>>>>>

Knockouts>>>>>>>>>>

LOOOOOOOOL

 

Man would turn static at 50..51 u know them ones

 

Miss high school

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