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underwriter

Raising Your Partner's Child

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A woman who gets pregnant and the man who buss in her is nowhere to be seen...

 

she raises the kid and along the way a guy gets sprung because shes been gymming and toned up a likkle...

 

he raises the kid with the woman...

 

 

is he not the ultimate sideman... nothing else can top that... some guys in here will think no because hes looking after a child...

 

na sorry that Gold star sideman quality.

 

 

People in this forum in this situation whether you ARE the son or you are the SIDEMAN looking after the kid

 

How do you feel?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I could never marry/wife off a girl with a kid... not even if she was amber rose... smashing ting and then dash

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Fack, the JJ comeback.

/

If he raises the kid right and loves it or whatever then let him live init. Wouldbt necessarily say hes a sideman.

/

Ps i could never do this

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and what if you have a child too?

lol some spastic topic

so if you split with ur BM you would rather she was was lonely(probably out there being a jezzie) and ur son had no father figure while you are out there playing fake dad with ur new family. rather than someone that treated them well and took care of them?

if you really find your soul mate whether she has a child or not won't really matter. only dumb niggas(with no real life experience) who can't see the bigger picture would think this way

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and what if you have a child too?

lol some spastic topic

so if you split with ur BM you would rather she was was lonely(probably out there being a jezzie) and ur son had no father figure while you are out there playing fake dad with ur new family. rather than someone that treated them well and took care of them?

if you really find your soul mate whether she has a child or not won't really matter. only dumb niggas(with no real life experience) who can't see the bigger picture would think this way

 

 

looking at this all wrong, yh imhim put it in a certain way but i agree 

 

not wanting to raise another mans child isnt immature, that woman no matter what is putting that kid over you and i aint on the B team and if the farther is still orbiting around technically you are a C team expendable sideman

 

from the womans perceptive (which your looking from), of course you would want someone coming in being stable but where not talking about that, its if the situation is worth it coming in as a man

 

tbh the only immature thing mentioned here was 'soul mate'

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and what if you have a child too?

lol some spastic topic

so if you split with ur BM you would rather she was was lonely(probably out there being a jezzie) and ur son had no father figure while you are out there playing fake dad with ur new family. rather than someone that treated them well and took care of them?

if you really find your soul mate whether she has a child or not won't really matter. only dumb niggas(with no real life experience) who can't see the bigger picture would think this way

looking at this all wrong, yh imhim put it in a certain way but i agree

not wanting to raise another mans child isnt immature, that woman no matter what is putting that kid over you and i aint on the B team and if the farther is still orbiting around technically you are a C team expendable sideman

from the womans perceptive (which your looking from), of course you would want someone coming in being stable but where not talking about that, its if the situation is worth it coming in as a man

tbh the only immature thing mentioned here was 'soul mate'

nah i think its waste to breed chicks and not raise the child. You are on some one sided shit. I know plenty of step fathers that have fed and built a stable home are they sidemen because they did a job a man is supposed to do?

I couldnt do it personally but i salute man that do this. It takes someone with no ego and a whole lot of heart. (Man got more ego thab morals nowdays)As long as the guy is fair and loving to the child i dont see what the problem is. And about the father orbiting thats nothing because unless he is breaking bread n actually raises the child(not talking about no weekend visits) that nigga cant tell u shit and once the child grows up they themselves will know what the deal is as u were there through their whole life. While their father doing some part time job. Children can tell

Dont go on this retarded niggas corner because fam u are gona be placed in that same spastic nigga box. This is the guy that types paragraphs of bitches airing him on whatsapp calling someone a sideman pmsl the irony is hilarious to me. Probably one of the biggest sidemans in vip2 history

Lol at a compatible ideal woman being a immature arguement. Man think you cant get attached to a child even if its not ur seed

Dumb nigga pov

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Views like imhims is why kids grow up all fucked up and end up being like their waste of space fathers.. Creating communities of ill advised stupid niggas. A cycle thats hard to break

Ego<<<<<morals

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my view isnt based on who imhim is, its what he said. i dont think where i came from was ego but my peace of mind.

 

also i didnt say step fathers havent raised good families but views like that aint f*cking up kids and communities, look to the source, who is the common denominator in all this? harsh, but it even acts a deterrent to decrease such situations.

 

for me its whether the situation is worth it coming in and majority of the time imo (and yours) its not.

 

tbf i wouldnt bash anybody who did this, i would just advise accordingly. but salute and cheerlead them? no.

 

topic could have been better without the name calling in op and title, look at what your making me do imhim you c*nt.

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imhim called a man with responsibilities a sideman

while he's out here losing sleep over one tick replys on whatsapp

and i deffo salute man that raise other mans seed. deffo aint cheerleading or trying to say everyone should do it but to call man a sideman that do it is very childish and dumb

what is the common denominator(you didn't make that clear)? unstable mothers and aint shit fathers? very unfair on the child to lose out on a stable family life because their mother is resenting their father who left them and made her a high risk move for any nigga resulting in her getting fucked and dashed numerous times. kid will grow up with all type of complexes

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and what if you have a child too?

lol some spastic topic

so if you split with ur BM you would rather she was was lonely(probably out there being a jezzie) and ur son had no father figure while you are out there playing fake dad with ur new family. rather than someone that treated them well and took care of them?

if you really find your soul mate whether she has a child or not won't really matter. only dumb niggas(with no real life experience) who can't see the bigger picture would think this way

 

 

looking at this all wrong, yh imhim put it in a certain way but i agree 

 

not wanting to raise another mans child isnt immature, that woman no matter what is putting that kid over you and i aint on the B team and if the farther is still orbiting around technically you are a C team expendable sideman

 

from the womans perceptive (which your looking from), of course you would want someone coming in being stable but where not talking about that, its if the situation is worth it coming in as a man

 

tbh the only immature thing mentioned here was 'soul mate'

 

xvbcfdbdfbdfbfb

 

real life pain

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Views like imhims is why kids grow up all f*cked up and end up being like their waste of space fathers.. Creating communities of ill advised stupid niggas. A cycle thats hard to break

Ego<<<<<morals

alright alright alright calm down now geeza

 

its a viewpoint not a stupid viewpoint is it

 

if this is you then its you isnt it

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imhim called a man with responsibilities a sideman

while he's out here losing sleep over one tick replys on whatsapp

and i deffo salute man that raise other mans seed. deffo aint cheerleading or trying to say everyone should do it but to call man a sideman that do it is very childish and dumb

what is the common denominator(you didn't make that clear)? unstable mothers and aint sh*t fathers? very unfair on the child to lose out on a stable family life because their mother is resenting their father who left them and made her a high risk move for any nigga resulting in her getting f*cked and dashed numerous times. kid will grow up with all type of complexes

theres nothing to salute theres nothing to applaude

 

the guy loves the woman so much that he just (doesnt care what baggage she has)

 

if thats what he wants to do fair enough but come on lets put all fancy fancy aside

 

you are looking after a next mans kid end of the day

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firstly gonna address the ultimate sideman part in the OP - the guy You describe may still have found himself a faithful woman.

 

there are guys who are wifing off women who they know are cheating on them, surely a worse kind of sideman?

 

the guys who spend money on these bicches, get nothing, while a guy makes 0 effort, spends not a penny, and casually beats. surely a worse kind of sideman?

 

if You said the girl cheated, and the child was conceived during their relationship and not his, yet he wanted to raise that child as his own and stay with the woman, I would agree.

 

@ Lahi,I agree that a man can get attached to children who aren't his, but I'd always keep it very clear that it's not my child, and wouldn't attach to them like they were my own. 

 

if the father is seeing his child, part time or not, that means the BM's new partner has lines he should and shouldn't cross. the child should know who their father is, and the job of the new partner isn't to undermine and attempt to replace the father. You should be stepping back, letting mother and father raise their child.

 

ImHim, just out of curiosity, are You ready for a child of Your own? this may affect Your views.

 

@ Admin, I'm gonna re lock this, but I'm hoping with a changed topic title we can discuss this seriously with Your blessing.

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Yeah so im in this situation

 

Back story - 

 

Met my missus, she has a 2 yr old daughter + father not on the scene. I am in a dilemma. What do?

 

Most guys would walk away and I totally understand why...me on the other hand, I made a decision....

 

Further back story -

 

Was going through strange time in my life...Broke up with my then ex and lived a crazy wild life for about a year after that smashing chicks left right and centre (not literally) but then decided that wasn't really doing anything for me. So I stopped and became celibate, which was a semi conscious decision but I was adamant that I would rather get into a relationship and have sex rather than fuck about so the fact that I went without it for so long was probably because I couldn't find the right female as apposed to not getting any because I forced myself not to

 

Anyway when my missus came onto the scene I was in a dilema. I finally found someone who I got on with and could see a future with.... but at a price. The question I had to ask myself was do I walk away or do I go ahead.... 

 

Thing about me is though I am one of them calculative kinda guys, I am a control freak by nature and I never enter a situation without considering 'x' implications or without thinking about what could possibly happen in the future. So I knew full well, if I was going to go ahead with this lady then im in it for the long run.... All baggage included! Finally with careful consideration I did. 

 

To cut a long story short. 7 years later I am a happily married man and I was very fortunate that a few years back I was able to legally adopt my daughter without any complications and I have another son (with her) and another on the way. 

 

My relationship with my daughter is solid and is on the same par as my son. I consider them equals and the funny thing is, before I saw this thread (bless you imhim) I had completely forgot that we are not related by blood. 

 

I will probably adopt again in the future once I get a bigger house, I definitely am a guy that lives for his children, for me its the greatest pleasure of my life. 

 

However in saying that, if anybody were in a similar situation and were to ask for my advice then I would firmly advise against it. It can get very complicated and I have been truly blessed that there haven't been any complications (related to the father side) which is very rare I suppose.

 

Also it is very difficult to adjust to in the beginning, and unless you and the female are willing to compromise then forget it. 

 

You also have to be objective and consider why she became a single parent in the first place, unfortunately the reality of the situation is that there are a lot of males out there that are not stepping up to the plate and a lot of naive females and this is a bad combination which is contributing to the ever growing trend of single parents and broken families in general (but that is a separate debate)

 

In any case, to answer OP's question. Am I the ultimate sideman? lol...I dunno, but what I do know is that I am happy with my situation and I wouldn't change it for anything. I will go as far to say that it does take a type of person to be able to handle this kind of situation and im exactly that type of guy. Like I said before I am a calculative person so that means I am patient, tolerant and persistent. On the flip side though I am very stern and would never settle for less 

 

Would also like to put it out there that I had a lot of good people around me at the time to give me a lot of solid advice and for every negative reaction I got, there was someone to help me see things clearly and not base my decisions on meaningless pride or other negative things. On the same note hold tight Smaddy who was one of those I could confide in at the time who helped me with some positive advice  :Y:

 

Funny thing is, people seem to have a set formula in life of how things should pan or how life works, but are the same people still living on level 1 living a life of excuses and procrastination. Sometimes in life you need to be able to make bold decisions for it to pay dividends and that's how I live mine. So far this has worked well for me and my life has far exceeded any expectations that I had, and I feel like I have only just started!

 

Please excuse the wall of text for those that bothered to read it all, I am not really one to delve into my personal life too much on here but I felt compelled to tell my story

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@ Badman: Congratulations, good luck, respect

 

@ OP this topic is one of the reasons woodpecker made that topic about people on here not growing up

 

Don't understand why you need to judge another man's happiness in the first place tbh. If a fella finds himself a girl he loves and grows to love her kid and they have a successful relationship...why do you feel the need to make a judgement about that? I'm pretty sure that in 20 years time Badman's step-daughter isn't going to turn around and call him a sideman, she'll be calling him dad. Whereas OP will still be lost with no father figure in his life

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