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The Trifling Man

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  12. Arsenal 10 - 0 Spurs

    in Whatever

    Posted

    WHEN Arsenal star Justin Hoyte gave his lover Jill Demirel a free transfer out of his life, she went on the attack and vowed: "I'm Gunner get revenge."So with shameless man-to-man marking and a very forward pass, she bedded Tom Huddlestone because he plays for SPURS, her ex's bitter rivals.Jill, 32, revealed: "I was heartbroken when Justin left me for another girl. I knew he hated Tottenham and I thought, ‘I'm going to show you'." But the plot backfired when sex with the not-so-Hotspur Huddlestone left her cold—and desperate for the good old days with a Red in her bed.Jill sighed: "I was praying Tom could help me get over Justin with great sex. Fat chance of that. Justin was ten out of ten in bed, miles better than Tom, who was a wham bam, thank you ma'am kind of guy."

    Arsenal 1, Spurs 0

    Even when it came to kissing, Tom wasn't in her champion's league."When we kissed it was terrible. He kept dribbling all over my mouth. I'd rate Tom a zero out of ten," said former Harrods salesgirl Jill, from Chigwell, Essex.

    2-0 to the Arsenal

    She fell for Justin, 23, after meeting him in the Jacuzzi at the gym in his apartment block in Woodford Green, Essex. She was engaged to another man at the time but was immediately smitten. She grinned: "I've never been so attracted to a guy in my life."With immense self-restraint, she held out until their third date before having sex with the Gunners' right-back at his flat.She said: "I kept telling Justin it was wrong because I was engaged. But the fact we weren't supposed to made it more horny. That night we had sex from midnight until 6am. He's incredibly well endowed—at least 12 inches. Dirty talk got him going the most. He liked to know I was enjoying myself."After that, they met up regularly for sex—even getting it on in the gym's Jacuzzi. "The bubbles hid so much naughty stuff. It was the best foreplay for mad sex," said Jill.She fell deeper and deeper for Justin and was devastated when he chucked her after a year and changed his mobile number. "I was in love with him. It wasn't about the football. I would have been with him even if he'd worked for McDonalds," she said.In January 2007, a few months after the split, Jill saw Justin on ITV2 show WAGs Boutique, and was gutted when Madeleine Bowden was introduced as his girlfriend. "I couldn't believe he'd left me for her," said Jill.She set out to get revenge and targeted Huddlestone, who lived in the same apartment block. But she soon began to regret it. She said: "I'd seen Tom in the Jacuzzi—the spot where I'd met Justin—and I knew he fancied me. It wasn't reciprocated, but I was on a mission to bag him to make Justin jealous."Within days Jill was at his apartment, parking her blue Mercedes CLK in full view of Justin's flat. But it didn't worked out as she planned.She said: "All I could think about was Justin. Tom was such a boring fart. He didn't talk about anything apart from commenting on the girls in the R&B videos on the telly." Even so she went ahead and had sex with the Spurs midfielder, who now dates Big Brother star Chanelle Hayes. "It was crap and I pity Chanelle, she must be having the worst sex of her life," Jill hissed. It only lasted two minutes before it was over thankfully."

    Gunners 3, Tottenham 0

    Now she is hoping to win back the love of her life—Justin."If I could get him alone I know he wouldn't be able to resist me," she said. "I just hope he reads this and realises how much I love him."Sorry, Jill. But we'd say it's more likely to be a case of: Think it's all over? It DEFINITELY is now.

  16. Ask A Guy That Just Won In A Gun Fight Anything

    in Whatever

    Posted

    strong armsI’ll reduce your teeth
    Ill leng your face off blads
    get your punk ass out my thread before I hit you in the mouth
    Im gonn kill you tonight
    I will cut you first
    No u wont i will gonna headlock u with my strong arms then shoot you in the head
    I will f*ck you like a hoe
    *Leaves homo thread*
    BITCH YOU BETTER RUN OFF
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