VickieB

yeah, have something strong for me!

hahaha, nice one.

hahaha, brilliant!

TO MY DEAR WIFE: During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be sleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just laid there 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move KEEP READING....... ===================================================== TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did: 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't cum 33 times you came too soon 19 times you went soft before you got in 38 times you worked too late 10 times you got cramps in your toes 29 times you had to get up early to play golf 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching TV Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

me and dean used to have some mad punch ups....now i can laugh at the stupidness of it all though.... :roll:

how olds your son lisa?

IS IT??... U KNOW WHAT I HAD THAT BEFORE WITH N EX OF MINE HE WAS WELL NASTY "HENCE THE NAME EX LMAO"....i had it once before and never put up with it again....let him do it for 9 f**cking months tho! loli did it for a year im such a mug i cant believe what i did for that bloke i bent backwards for him and he still wanted more... yet i never got anything in return at all.. he'd only kiss me if he was off his face on something god shame that says alot for me dont it lmao hahah! but seriously it says more about him than it does about you. The only way he knew to show me that he cared was the beat seven shades of sh*t out of any bloke who even looked at me. Going out was always fun.... :roll: think its put me off anything serious to be honest.

IS IT??... U KNOW WHAT I HAD THAT BEFORE WITH N EX OF MINE HE WAS WELL NASTY "HENCE THE NAME EX LMAO"....i had it once before and never put up with it again....let him do it for 9 f*cking months tho! lol

you should hear the drama my cousin is having with her bloke cos we went out last night and got drunk....reminds me why im single

INNIT BUT SOMETIMES I GET IT ALL MIXED UP TREAT THE WRONG PEOPLE NICE N THE NICE PEOPLE WRONG !!!!!! OH WELL I'LL GET THERE IN THE END!!!!!!!!!!XX i think we all do sometimes, i know i have!

yeah for real i was only joking i love being single, i honestly do!!!... do what u want when u want etc etc !!!!... ive been single for nearly 2 years im tooooooo set in my ways now lol doubt a man or women could handel me lol i look at all my mates in relationships, see all the dramas they have. not being 'allowed' to come out, getting the phonecalls, the arguments...blah blah blah ugh no ta!

yeah its easy to get walked over when youre nice, gives people the shock of their life when you do snap back though innit!

to be honest i have to say i prefer being single. there are times it gets a bit shitty but on the whole the relationship thing is all drama. youre young free sexy and single! be positive

i love everyone until they give me reason not to, proper friendly cockney bird!

we....enjoy each others company lol! 8)

his name is michael, hes 21 (soon)....i met him in leicester square, thought he was gorgeous so just went and chatted to him....

i'll let you off this time then

fit! very very very very fit! hahaha 8)

you shouldnt put yourself down so much you knowIT'S TRUE THOUGH I GOT ONE OF THEM WEIRD BODIES LOL!!!!! XX (IT'S OK VICKS IM JOKING HALF THE TIME )XXX BUT I DO HAVE A WEIRD BODY!!!!! LOL :shock:haha weird body. you're too pretty to be so negative missy!

i'm sorta seeing someone...i think....im still technically single though.

you shouldnt put yourself down so much you know

I'm lucky, my office is generally always pretty relaxed. Unless something mad goes off with a client and the press are loving it, its usually pretty laid back.

sounds a sh*t load more exciting than my work day

BIG tune! 8)