Please stand behind the yellow line

[Grafter]

Though whilst not on the train

Today I got off the train and some fat woman was smoking infront on me, were walking towards the road and cross onto some island, as I got closer to overtake she blew it the direction I was walking in

I said some f*ckery out loud along the lines of "Don't blow smoke in my face or those wont be what kill you"

At that moment she just randomly fell into the road and nearly got run over, with some petrified look on her face looking at me, she couldn't get up.

Accidently juju'd the woman.

Made my day though.

/

dno if anyone knows about the music man in south, carries a guitar on his back an sings nuff bob marley tunes but he cant really sing or play for sh*t

guy was doin some sort of concert on my bus the other day, tried to pressure this black guy into givin him change an the guys like 'HOLD ON A MINUTE, i ain even heard u yet'

then music mans askin for requests an people to join in, so the same guy starts singing 'ive got sunshiiiiine' in a beautiful voice, then music man is silent an he goes 'nah nah, i was gna sing tracks of my tears by smokey robinson, all the same innit'

starts killin off the tune 'TAKE A GOOOD LOOK AT MY FACE'

african brudda beside me was in stitches

then some white brudda comes up the stairs on his phone, music man goes 'look mate what u doin? u can hear the guitar, u can hear im singing, why u comin up here on ur phone?'

guy goes back downstairs, comes back like 2 seconds later with his phone in his pocket

music mans goin down the bus after his sh*t performance askin for contributions sayin how he likes notes

couple people got pressured into givin him change, an the rest gave man high 5s an shiit

[BLACK VICTIM]

how can you not help an old woman up lmao

i dont think ive ever been an age i wouldnt help them

[Skenghis Khan]

anyone else know about that fresh nigerian guy from peckham who gasses about being in the army, goes around in camo all the time. he was on the bus the other day telling his fantastical stories about being shot at and all the special missions he's done in afghanistan complete with machine gun sound effects (being sure to spray spit at everyone nearby). then he starts going on about how he doesnt want to go home cos his flat is flooded and that he lives knee deep in water. Then he does this f*cked up salute and shouts "god save the queen" stamps his foot, turns on his heals and marches off the bus, i creased.

[Beavis]

anyone else know about that fresh nigerian guy from peckham who gasses about being in the army, goes around in camo all the time. he was on the bus the other day telling his fantastical stories about being shot at and all the special missions he's done in afghanistan complete with machine gun sound effects (being sure to spray spit at everyone nearby). then he starts going on about how he doesnt want to go home cos his flat is flooded and that he lives knee deep in water. Then he does this f*cked up salute and shouts "god save the queen" stamps his foot, turns on his heals and marches off the bus, i creased.

LOL that is insane