Finding your life again

[Skola]

yeah skola i've been there, it's a process. almost like a mini bereavement after letting someone in so close to your life and daily ins and out. Then there not there anymore.those hard times just use good friends and fam around you, to keep u standing up. Find a hobby or another outlet like the gym etc... dont rush into another relationship to try fill that void. You gotta get back to base with yourself 1st and foremost look forward and doing things to progress urself.the main thing is you will pull through it and confidence will return to step out on the hunt and lifeI can say this from 1st hand exp.

its exactly like that.i was thinking last night about what i was like before this relationship - its difficult to remember me and what i did! i think the gym is a good shout a lot of people have suggested that. lacking motivation to do anything other than jam with a couple mates, smoke and play xbox

[Vtec]

yeah skola i've been there, it's a process. almost like a mini bereavement after letting someone in so close to your life and daily ins and out. Then there not there anymore.those hard times just use good friends and fam around you, to keep u standing up. Find a hobby or another outlet like the gym etc... dont rush into another relationship to try fill that void. You gotta get back to base with yourself 1st and foremost look forward and doing things to progress urself.the main thing is you will pull through it and confidence will return to step out on the hunt and lifeI can say this from 1st hand exp.

its exactly like that.i was thinking last night about what i was like before this relationship - its difficult to remember me and what i did! i think the gym is a good shout a lot of people have suggested that. lacking motivation to do anything other than jam with a couple mates, smoke and play xbox

thats a start right there...

[JLovely]

yeah skola i've been there, it's a process. almost like a mini bereavement after letting someone in so close to your life and daily ins and out. Then there not there anymore.those hard times just use good friends and fam around you, to keep u standing up. Find a hobby or another outlet like the gym etc... dont rush into another relationship to try fill that void. You gotta get back to base with yourself 1st and foremost look forward and doing things to progress urself.the main thing is you will pull through it and confidence will return to step out on the hunt and lifeI can say this from 1st hand exp.

So true, it really does seem like someones died. Strange, horrible feeling.

[Guest Esquilax]

As inexperienced as I am, I would say that ending the relationship by saying to you that she just wants to put herself first, regardless of the reprecussions, is basically enough saidIn those moments you get the truest of colours, and those are them, you don't need someone that selfish in your life, it's time to find someone betterNaturally it's gonna pain for a long while, I myself have had adverse reactions to relationship endings, probably not to the same extent as yours though I might addAt the end of the day, do what you think is right brother, only you know what the real deal is

[Flojo]

As inexperienced as I am, I would say that ending the relationship by saying to you that she just wants to put herself first, regardless of the reprecussions, is basically enough saidIn those moments you get the truest of colours, and those are them, you don't need someone that selfish in your life, it's time to find someone betterNaturally it's gonna pain for a long while, I myself have had adverse reactions to relationship endings, probably not to the same extent as yours though I might addAt the end of the day, do what you think is right brother, only you know what the real deal is

Are you still with your gf you were talking about before?

[Skola]

ah so i just went to get the rest of my stuff and couldnt help blurting out a few thingsshe basically said that she has changed and lost the enthusiasm for our relationship. she has grown apart from me and doesnt want our relationship or any relationship at the momentshe doesnt want to have someone to rely on be there etc just wants to be alone to find herself. she has been in heavy relationships for the last 9 years and wants to be alone now (she is eh 26).things havent been so great in the last 6 months or so and shes only now realised this is whyshes changedand thats it apparentlyjust difficult to take coz i havent and i still want usi said theres still something really special between us and we could work on it but she said thats not what she wants

[Skola]

As inexperienced as I am, I would say that ending the relationship by saying to you that she just wants to put herself first, regardless of the reprecussions, is basically enough saidIn those moments you get the truest of colours, and those are them, you don't need someone that selfish in your life, it's time to find someone betterNaturally it's gonna pain for a long while, I myself have had adverse reactions to relationship endings, probably not to the same extent as yours though I might addAt the end of the day, do what you think is right brother, only you know what the real deal is

thank youthe selfish bit is very interesting. sometimes i feel like ive been used. she doesnt need me any more so she doesnt want me. she did say "im sorry im being selfish"

[JLovely]

ah so i just went to get the rest of my stuff and couldnt help blurting out a few thingsshe basically said that she has changed and lost the enthusiasm for our relationship. she has grown apart from me and doesnt want our relationship or any relationship at the momentshe doesnt want to have someone to rely on be there etc just wants to be alone to find herself. she has been in heavy relationships for the last 9 years and wants to be alone now (she is eh 26).things havent been so great in the last 6 months or so and shes only now realised this is whyshes changedand thats it apparentlyjust difficult to take coz i havent and i still want usi said theres still something really special between us and we could work on it but she said thats not what she wants

As hard as it is and truss me i know, you gotta leave her to it. If she feels that a relationship is stopping her from "finding herself" then u cant hold her. Cant hold anyone.

[Michel Kane]

So glad I haven't been through this experience (entirely) & hope to never have it happen.Skola, do what Marlon says TBH. The limited experience I have had, just reminded that at the end of the day, to look out for #1.

[Bardissimo]

As inexperienced as I am, I would say that ending the relationship by saying to you that she just wants to put herself first, regardless of the reprecussions, is basically enough saidIn those moments you get the truest of colours, and those are them, you don't need someone that selfish in your life, it's time to find someone betterNaturally it's gonna pain for a long while, I myself have had adverse reactions to relationship endings, probably not to the same extent as yours though I might addAt the end of the day, do what you think is right brother, only you know what the real deal is

thank youthe selfish bit is very interesting. sometimes i feel like ive been used. she doesnt need me any more so she doesnt want me. she did say "im sorry im being selfish"

i know that feeling and i f*ck*ng hate itmaybe angelo is right bout cutting off contact cah time is a v.good healerp.s sorry for the neg angelo

[Guest Triple XXX]

only experienced one bad break up bt its nothing compared to thiscuttin her off did work n after a while linkin others did its job

[Vtec]

these experiences unfortunately do make ur heart a colder one. and tend to be very guarded entering another relationship. Which is usually why next serious relationships tends to suffer a high failure rate.not all of course, but from exp and witnessing others that has been the trend.easier to just have casual relationships links with no strings attached, peeps are scared of being hurt at the end of the day. no matter who you are or how "ARD" u may appear.

[Skola]

As inexperienced as I am, I would say that ending the relationship by saying to you that she just wants to put herself first, regardless of the reprecussions, is basically enough saidIn those moments you get the truest of colours, and those are them, you don't need someone that selfish in your life, it's time to find someone betterNaturally it's gonna pain for a long while, I myself have had adverse reactions to relationship endings, probably not to the same extent as yours though I might addAt the end of the day, do what you think is right brother, only you know what the real deal is

thank youthe selfish bit is very interesting. sometimes i feel like ive been used. she doesnt need me any more so she doesnt want me. she did say "im sorry im being selfish"

i know that feeling and i f*ck*ng hate itmaybe angelo is right bout cutting off contact cah time is a v.good healerp.s sorry for the neg angelo

yeah its likei wouldnt hav given her so much of me and my life love and everything if i knew it was gonna end like thisat the end of the dayi guess i will be a stronger and better person when i recover

[Skola]

As hard as it is and truss me i know, you gotta leave her to it. If she feels that a relationship is stopping her from "finding herself" then u cant hold her. Cant hold anyone.yeah well thats it. i told her how i feel, and she doesnt feel the same.the dreams are mad at the moment. she was in one, then another i was choking on a piece of plastic, then another was leading some crazy armyhad just about stopped smoking weed aswell but im finding it a nice companion right now

[Vtec]

As inexperienced as I am, I would say that ending the relationship by saying to you that she just wants to put herself first, regardless of the reprecussions, is basically enough saidIn those moments you get the truest of colours, and those are them, you don't need someone that selfish in your life, it's time to find someone betterNaturally it's gonna pain for a long while, I myself have had adverse reactions to relationship endings, probably not to the same extent as yours though I might addAt the end of the day, do what you think is right brother, only you know what the real deal is

thank youthe selfish bit is very interesting. sometimes i feel like ive been used. she doesnt need me any more so she doesnt want me. she did say "im sorry im being selfish"

i know that feeling and i f*ck*ng hate itmaybe angelo is right bout cutting off contact cah time is a v.good healerp.s sorry for the neg angelo

yeah its likei wouldnt hav given her so much of me and my life love and everything if i knew it was gonna end like thisat the end of the dayi guess i will be a stronger and better person when i recover

but you weren't to know it would end though, but thats just a risk/gamble peeps take. eg you could gotten married had kids and still split and divorce, lose ur house and half ur lifes income lol, now im sure that would be worse.Just be thankful, ur not in that boat. Just take this as learning exp on how to conduct a relationship in the future. You know what pitfalls to avoid, bascially u learn from ur mistakes and move on up brehBut thats life, and part of being human to take risks, financial, heart and health and fight and whateverin the mean time, have some fun man. Slam a few chicas here and there and use a condom.an im out Moonwalks out thread<<<<<<

[Guest Triple XXX]

but you weren't to know it would end though, but thats just a risk/gamble peeps take. eg you could gotten married had kids and still split and divorce, lose ur house and half ur lifes income lol, now im sure that would be worse.Just be thankful, ur not in that boat. Just take this as learning exp on how to conduct a relationship in the future. You know what pitfalls to avoid, bascially u learn from ur mistakes and move on up brehBut thats life, and part of being human to take risks, financial, heart and health and fight and whateverin the mean time, have some fun man. Slam a few chicas here and there and use a condom.an im out Moonwalks out thread<<<<<<

so f*ckin trueonce i think about sh*t like this makes me think sh*t could be so much worsen im the type to jus go where the wind takes me n kids n marriage n all that could have happened at the blink of an eye

[Skola]

As inexperienced as I am, I would say that ending the relationship by saying to you that she just wants to put herself first, regardless of the reprecussions, is basically enough saidIn those moments you get the truest of colours, and those are them, you don't need someone that selfish in your life, it's time to find someone betterNaturally it's gonna pain for a long while, I myself have had adverse reactions to relationship endings, probably not to the same extent as yours though I might addAt the end of the day, do what you think is right brother, only you know what the real deal is

thank youthe selfish bit is very interesting. sometimes i feel like ive been used. she doesnt need me any more so she doesnt want me. she did say "im sorry im being selfish"

i know that feeling and i f*ck*ng hate itmaybe angelo is right bout cutting off contact cah time is a v.good healerp.s sorry for the neg angelo

yeah its likei wouldnt hav given her so much of me and my life love and everything if i knew it was gonna end like thisat the end of the dayi guess i will be a stronger and better person when i recover

but you weren't to know it would end though, but thats just a risk/gamble peeps take. eg you could gotten married had kids and still split and divorce, lose ur house and half ur lifes income lol, now im sure that would be worse.Just be thankful, ur not in that boat. Just take this as learning exp on how to conduct a relationship in the future. You know what pitfalls to avoid, bascially u learn from ur mistakes and move on up brehBut thats life, and part of being human to take risks, financial, heart and health and fight and whateverin the mean time, have some fun man. Slam a few chicas here and there and use a condom.an im out Moonwalks out thread<<<<<<

yeah well as a man this is my first real relationship (others were like when i was 17) so i guess i have learnt a lot. its mad to imagine that it could have got ever deeper before ending. wow, that would have been rediculous.condom being the key - i nearly made a bad mistake in the past but thats another story

[Tirunih]

I'm actually dreading the moment i leave my other halffortunately were both realist so we do know it's inevitable, but i know i'm going to find it hard to move on with out her vice versa. I've been with her for a year and a bit now but it may not be long in general but for me it is, so we have become very dependant on each other. Hopefully it will not effect me too much..but yh skolaA break up will make you a stronger person imo. Building your life after a break up makes you even more stronger.good luck mate

[Skola]

I'm actually dreading the moment i leave my other halffortunately were both realist so we do know it's inevitable, but i know i'm going to find it hard to move on with out her vice versa. I've been with her for a year and a bit now but it may not be long in general but for me it is, so we have become very dependant on each other. Hopefully it will not effect me too much..but yh skolaA break up will make you a stronger person imo. Building your life after a break up makes you even more stronger.good luck mate

cheers.the main advice i would say isLive Your LifeShe was attracted to you and the life you led, if you loose that, you might not be so appealing, and if you do split, you wont have much left.

[Uncle Man]

its elongated for me to read all the posts in the thread right now but i will say this muchthe time for long term relationships was pre 1950s imono chance now,even if you are a millionaire sport star yr wife will bang next breahs (yr teammates and/or rivals- all this for forgetting to buy milk one time) ala desperate housewife, refuse you sex and spend your money on private investigators to expose you to the media for yr reactionary infidelitybut if you think this is friends and yr name is chandler and you want to keep things light and jokey on facebook spare a moment to remember that the meaning of this bar 'need to find my independence' means she is blowing another mans bagpipes or at least has left with that specific plan in mind. no need to feel any specific hatred for that cos if you liked it you shud of put a ring on it but bear in mind that any attempts for her to maintain friendship are more than likely aimed at rubbing yr face in sh*t while she gets to feel her whole life is complete.its a small price to pay for her but its a large blow for yr dignity and sanity.however if you want to go that road in the name of maturity i want you to bear in mind that the word maturity is now used in place of the word bisexuality as a general rule.i beg each and every one of you out here to apply this theory in context and then try to tell me i am wrong.however if youve managed to stay with one of these for 4 years already im inclined to believe she probly has you wearing makeup and dresses by now,as most modern women are aroused by humiliating there partners whilst safely searching for a new one.but shall i tell you the makeup and dresses it is ok to wear? and that is the kilt and woad of braveheart.because they can take our lives but they shall not take our freedom laddy.chin up,enjoy yr freedom,and above all,say no to friendship,it is called pouring salt in the wounds.or to put it in a context you can understand,it is to be hung drawn and quartered at the end of the motion picture

[Skola]

eh....thanks?lol that is some next advice but I appreciate it none the less.

[Skola]

infact you know whatthat advice is awful, and offensivei hope i never become as twisted and paranoid as that

[Grafter]

LOLawful u kno/im sorry i dnt have any advice except that i think i read in here that u said u are sad u put time an effort in, i can understand thatbut dnt make that make u go into a another relationship halfheartedlyits her loss, not urs

[Angelo]

its her loss, not urs

I know this is the sort of thing which people say you should be thinking, and it's the tactful way of consoling someone etc., but I really disagree with it.You said you were just coming home and sitting on the xbox while she watched TV.There was probably a lack of effort from both sides which contributed to it getting stale and therefore boring for her.I think it's important to take some accountability no matter the situation, and avoid feeling as if she's lost out.Because it means you don't think you have to change or do anything different next time. So the issues will resurface.

[JLovely]

its her loss, not urs

I know this is the sort of thing which people say you should be thinking, and it's the tactful way of consoling someone etc., but I really disagree with it.You said you were just coming home and sitting on the xbox while she watched TV.There was probably a lack of effort from both sides which contributed to it getting stale and therefore boring for her.I think it's important to take some accountability no matter the situation, and avoid feeling as if she's lost out.Because it means you don't think you have to change or do anything different next time. So the issues will resurface.

I definitely agree with this. Coming out of a relationship you should be able to see where you may have gone wrong but dont ever feel its the sole reason to why the relationship is no longer.