Marriage

[Captain Planet]

Sometime the ideals you man put on this forum are dangerous, spesh in L&L it's all good discussion but sometimes I read stuff and just think faarrrkk, and I have to be conscious not to take this stuff in.

 

If you continue to believe something, and tell yourself over and over again that it will happen then you are setting yourselves up for it.

 

Not really to say who is right or who is wrong here because both sides present good arguments.

 

But sometimes you guys have an overtly one-directional viewpoint on life because you have only witnessed it in the way you have, this colours your thinking and hence your actions to then reinforce your beliefs.

 

SO whoever wrote something along the lines of 'your dad may have cheated but just never got caught' don't tar us all with the same brush, nobody knows either way.

[KayGee]

 

I think Kaygee is gonna learn a lot about the world in the next 10 years.

 

Of course I am, we all will. 

 

I just disagree with the need to learn and grow alone, thus delaying commitment in a relationship that may bring more to you than you could solo. 

Why do you disagree?

 

Because its unnatural, when you find the woman of your dreams why not grow with her and become the best man you can be with the best woman by your side. Be it married, with children or just together but committed to one another. 

 

I believe and it is only my opinion but people are their best when happy and their happiest when fulfilled in love. 

[Michel Kane]

Like Toney said, you seem stuck on 30 & 38 & it's bordering on pedantic.

At no point have I said, do not settle down till 38. I have said, do not settle down BEFORE 30 or more accurately, not before you've reached your peak. If you decide to do so DURING your peak, that's different. There are pros & cons to that approach.

[Michel Kane]

How many times has Dom Dom said 38 in this thread lol

Fam, lol.

[dom dom bullets]

How many times has Dom Dom said 38 in this thread lol

Fam, lol.

 

Lol cos that's the given age we are talking about. I'm just trying to be as clear as I can. @ toney what's your opinion on what isaid? I'm interested

[Benicio del Toney]

I think Kaygee is gonna learn a lot about the world in the next 10 years.

 

Of course I am, we all will. 

 

I just disagree with the need to learn and grow alone, thus delaying commitment in a relationship that may bring more to you than you could solo. 

 

It's not the fairytale scenario but people are struggling out here for real.

 

 

It's better imo a guy marries a girl at 35 when his lifestyle has settled and he can take that commitment seriously than him bowing to pressure at 25 and messing the marriage up cos the expectations were unrealistic.

 

A lot of marriages are failing but that ain't even taking into account the people living in failed marriages.

[Michel Kane]

 

I think Kaygee is gonna learn a lot about the world in the next 10 years.

 

Of course I am, we all will. 

 

I just disagree with the need to learn and grow alone, thus delaying commitment in a relationship that may bring more to you than you could solo. 

Why do you disagree?

 

Because its unnatural, when you find the woman of your dreams why not grow with her and become the best man you can be with the best woman by your side. Be it married, with children or just together but committed to one another. 

 

I believe and it is only my opinion but people are their best when happy and their happiest when fulfilled in love. 

Took you long enough, lol.

Because it's unnatural? Not I agree but let's go with the premise that monogamy is 'natural', lol. Right, so by that logic, if your boyfriend cheated on you & used him being a man as justification, would that be ok? Because the URGE of sleeping with different women very much is natural. No, it wouldn't.

Same principle in context we're discussing. There are times you must go against your 'natural' instinct to achieve a bigger purpose.

[Michel Kane]

I think Kaygee is gonna learn a lot about the world in the next 10 years.

 

Of course I am, we all will. 

 

I just disagree with the need to learn and grow alone, thus delaying commitment in a relationship that may bring more to you than you could solo. 

 

It's not the fairytale scenario but people are struggling out here for real.

 

 

It's better imo a guy marries a girl at 35 when his lifestyle has settled and he can take that commitment seriously than him bowing to pressure at 25 and messing the marriage up cos the expectations were unrealistic.

 

A lot of marriages are failing but that ain't even taking into account the people living in failed marriages.

50% of marriages end in divorce. Not taking into account bad marriages that still go on. Lol.

[Michel Kane]

How many times has Dom Dom said 38 in this thread lol

Fam, lol.

 

Lol cos that's the given age we are talking about. I'm just trying to be as clear as I can. @ toney what's your opinion on what isaid? I'm interested

Nah darg, that's the age YOU'RE talking about. Lol.

[Fresh To Death]

 

I would love to see how life pans out for us all in our 40's.

 

This topic could go on forever, each to their own I guess. 

 

Strange lot. 

It's ok, this is the free weights section, medicine balls are over there.

 

Thing is you have always been a medicine ball guy Mikey, which might be why this is hard to convince people.

 

The facts are I would embarrass you in any equivalent competing, i'm an olympic lifter. I just don't see you as an alpha male.

 

Don't patronise me.  

 

ARGH

[dom dom bullets]

 

 

How many times has Dom Dom said 38 in this thread lol

Fam, lol.

 

Lol cos that's the given age we are talking about. I'm just trying to be as clear as I can. @ toney what's your opinion on what isaid? I'm interested

Nah darg, that's the age YOU'RE talking about. Lol.

 

Because you posted that graph. So I went with 38, just as a figure to work around, it really doesn't matter what age it is. Using a given figure keeps the debate on track and saves it from being derailed into a "what age is a man at his peak" discussion.

[Benicio del Toney]

 

How many times has Dom Dom said 38 in this thread lol

Fam, lol.

 

Lol cos that's the given age we are talking about. I'm just trying to be as clear as I can. @ toney what's your opinion on what isaid? I'm interested

 

The thing that is surprising me recently are the amount of people who meet their life partner in their 40's and 50's.

 

My grandad is 76 and met his current partner at church maybe 6 years ago now.

 

She is from the Philippines and he was telling me on the weekend he went PH with her for 6 weeks not long ago, she has been with him to Canada to meet our family aswell, they get on like a house on fire.

 

As Kane was saying as you get older you seem to make better choices by default and know each others compatibility in a way you don't when you are younger so I don't think one has to worry about making as much mistakes as you get older.

 

The older market is thriving though.

[Badman]

I see what Mike is tryna say and to a certain extent there is some logic behind it. However it is still flawed in many ways. 

 

It also doesn't take into account that certain females levels also grow with time and experience, not all girls start off being an 8 or 9.

 

It is also dangerous being in a situation where both sides are very strong minded and opinionated and less subjectable to compromise. If you imagine a Man and Woman, both being the finished article in terms of being all the things which make them attractive i.e. money, success, education, career etc. I just cant see them integrating into a family as they will both be used to living a life where they never had to share something with their partner (of course as they are both not married) 

 

One thing I have learned in my experience is that compromise takes years to master, and you have to be willing to do it in the first place. Long trying to do that when you are in your late thirties with some hard headed independent female

 

To me thats not what I personally find attractive in a female. I personally would like a female that has the right qualities and who is willing to grow with you and would accept compromise.  so that you both experience life together in a unit which will eventually be the foundation of  what you will call a family.

 

I am not attracted to the finished article.

[Haze-e]

KayGee how do you feel about women who put family life on hold to pursue careers?

[Badman]

 

 

How many times has Dom Dom said 38 in this thread lol

Fam, lol.

 

Lol cos that's the given age we are talking about. I'm just trying to be as clear as I can. @ toney what's your opinion on what isaid? I'm interested

 

The thing that is surprising me recently are the amount of people who meet their life partner in their 40's and 50's.

 

My grandad is 76 and met his current partner at church maybe 6 years ago now.

 

She is from the Philippines and he was telling me on the weekend he went PH with her for 6 weeks not long ago, she has been with him to Canada to meet our family aswell, they get on like a house on fire.

 

As Kane was saying as you get older you seem to make better choices by default and know each others compatibility in a way you don't when you are younger so I don't think one has to worry about making as much mistakes as you get older.

 

The older market is thriving though.

 

Hang on.... you are using your 76 yr old grandad here as an example to back up your point about older being wiser and making better choices etc...

 

Assuming he is your grandad, that would have to mean that he already had a family (you) so in actual fact hes probably already been there done that and it didnt work out. Or maybe your grandma passed away and hes starting a new family (if so accept my condolences) in which case how does this prove maturity and better decision making

 

You say hes been with her for 6 years? that's not a long time by any means in reletive terms to be making a testimonial out of it. In relative terms he could still be in his honeymoon period

 

I dont quite get your point...especially as we are talking about being in your prime years (30 ish)

[KayGee]

KayGee how do you feel about women who put family life on hold to pursue careers?

 

Well thats a personal choice, I guess it depends what ages we are talking.

 

I'm 23 and working hard to have a good basis for family life but I don't expect to be 32 doing the same. 

 

I find a huge different between setting a goal to get yourself ready for family life and not thinking about it because your career is more important. 

 

I see many women miss the boat, a career can never be as fulfilling as growing a family. 

[Benicio del Toney]

You say hes been with her for 6 years? that's not a long time by any means in reletive terms to be making a testimonial out of it. In relative terms he could still be in his honeymoon period

 

I dont quite get your point...especially as we are talking about being in your prime years (30 ish)

 

I was answering Dom's point about not having time to make those mistakes as you are older.

 

The point was really about the 40/50's market but I remembered my grandads situation as I was typing.

 

From what I can see my grandad and this woman will die together, 6 years might not be long at our age but it's a significant amount of time when you don't have many years left.

 

She has pictures of her parents, her children in the house, if you saw them you would know they are done now.

 

My mums friend said to her on the weekend that it is only them 2 left, meaning her and my mum who are still with their original partners from their 20's, was quite shocking to hear that tbh.

But the real point was as you get older and know what you want from life a little more you tend to waste peoples time a little less and have your time wasted less.

[JOHN DOE]

SO whoever wrote something along the lines of 'your dad may have cheated but just never got caught' don't tar us all with the same brush, nobody knows either way.

it was me 

 

and obv i meant in a general sense bro 

 

and best believe it happens 

[Supermalt]

You've completely lost me there.

If I want an 8, I need to be an 8. Ideally, a 9-10 but an 8 is a minimum. Lol.

Agreed with everything mike has said expect this

[Michel Kane]

You've completely lost me there.

If I want an 8, I need to be an 8. Ideally, a 9-10 but an 8 is a minimum. Lol.

Agreed with everything mike has said expect this

Why?

[Supermalt]

 

 

You've completely lost me there.

If I want an 8, I need to be an 8. Ideally, a 9-10 but an 8 is a minimum. Lol.

Agreed with everything mike has said expect this

Why?

 

cant really cs the mindset of 'If I want an 8, I need to be an 8'. its the equivalent of looking at a female and thinking shes out of your league, which only helps women screen men without trying.

 

as TF said hes seen 2s with 10s, and if your really about an abundance life I'm casting my net to whatever fish i deem appropriate

 

but in the context of this thread your talking in terms of long term relationships, which might be different. im not sure.

[Michel Kane]

 

 

You've completely lost me there.

If I want an 8, I need to be an 8. Ideally, a 9-10 but an 8 is a minimum. Lol.

Agreed with everything mike has said expect this

Why?

 

cant really cs the mindset of 'If I want an 8, I need to be an 8'. its the equivalent of looking at a female and thinking shes out of your league, which only helps women screen men without trying.

 

as TF said hes seen 2s with 10s, and if your really about an abundance life I'm casting my net to whatever fish i deem appropriate

 

but in the context of this thread your talking in terms of long term relationships, which might be different. im not sure.

See, I know it's unpopular to advocate the concept of leagues as a man but I feel it's necessary because my core mantra is, "Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better."

Aside from that, let's reverse the scenario & apply that concept. If some booger, with 2 kids from 2 different dudes, ratchet & all sorts thought she had a chance of getting you, you'd feel disgusted right? Why, because even if you don't say it, you know you're out of HER league & rightly so.

Bradford City are 3 divisions below Arsenal yet they still managed to beat us in the Capital One cup last season. They had to put in a silly amount of work but still got the result. Same principle with what we're discussing here. A woman can be out of your league but you can still bag her if you put in work or compensate elsewhere. I've slept with girls that have fucked rich/celebrity dudes but I'd think those dudes would have put in less work.

[JOHN DOE]

ironically isnt kaygee the same girl who is going out with a guy 7+ years her senior and with two kids 

 

mk point proven

[Supermalt]

ironically isnt kaygee the same girl who is going out with a guy 7+ years her senior and with two kids 

 

mk point proven

 

so many holes in her point of view as a woman that shes assumes also will benefit/applies to men. it aint even a bad thing tbh.

[Michel Kane]

ironically isnt kaygee the same girl who is going out with a guy 7+ years her senior and with two kids 

 

mk point proven

  

ironically isnt kaygee the same girl who is going out with a guy 7+ years her senior and with two kids 

 

mk point proven

 

so many holes in her point of view as a woman that shes assumes also will benefit/applies to men. it aint even a bad thing tbh.

Boy, none of us are in a position to know the details of her relationship so I won't speak on it too tough but what I'm saying is in direct contradiction to very deep-rooted social conditioning.