SHIT JOKE THREAD / NSFW

[Guest R9]

I went to Anfield the other day to watch a match. A scouse lad said, ‘Can I mind your car foryou mister?’I said, ‘No! And for your information, there’s a Rottweiler in the back.’ The lad said: ‘Put out fires, can he?’

[A Bit Better]

I got an invite to the Liverpool Xmas dinner!Menu is as follows:Starter : Sour GrapesMain course : Plaice (probably fifth possibly sixth)Pudding : Selection from Kuyt, Ngog, Lucas, Dossena or Degan.Drinks will be available but theres strictly no doubles, trebles, and no carling premier. There will also be a selection of wines served by some fat Spanish bloke with a dodgy beard. Please note that dress code is strictly "late 80's" to celebrate the last league title.ALL drinks will be served in plastic glasses as cups are not on the agenda again this season.For entertainment on the night Rafa Benitez will be doing his party trick of making £200 million disappear into thin air with f*ck all to show for it.

[Lieutenant]

A man walks into a bar.."Ouch"

[Bruno Di Gradi]

a little white boy named john was round his black friends house jermaine where the had something to a eat cooked by jermaines mumjohn looking at saw rice, chicken and a banana looking thing which he wasnt quite sure about. So he asked jermaines mum "whats this banana looking thing" . Jermaines mum replied "plantin". So he tried it.......and loved it.The next day john was at home and asked his mum "mummmm.....i want some plantin". Johns mum gave him a seed and a spade and pointed towards the garden smiling and said "such a kind lad wanting to help me with the gardening"*yeh that was the punchline...**FADES*

[A Bit Better]

You just made that up init?It shows.

[Bruno Di Gradi]

You just made that up init?It shows.

yehnow im gona get my fruit cornerits chery

[Lazy]

What did the five fingers say to the face??

[Lieutenant]

That was awful, wish I could give you multiple negs.Edit: @ DST

[Bruno Di Gradi]

why did the black man say to the white woman with the handbagyou got the time?

[Bruno Di Gradi]

guy goes into a bar and gets a drink.bartender says "what will u be having"the guy replies "ill have a pint of whitbread"so hes drinking his pint now and he needs to go toilet.. so he says to the bartender "listen mate.. i just need to take a piss can u just watch over the drink for me"bartender says "ok i gotta work so ill try do what i can"anyway.. man goes toilet comes back and the bartender says "mate... im sorry but someone just came and farted in your drink"the man looks back at him and replies "you're having a laugh right?" bartender replies "no, sorry"Anyway the guys looking around for the person who farted in his drink... the bartender catches his attention and points him towards who done itHe goes up to a black woman and says "u fart in my whitbread?" she replies "no im tessa sanderson"

[The Infamous]

a little white boy named john was round his black friends house jermaine where the had something to a eat cooked by jermaines mumjohn looking at saw rice, chicken and a banana looking thing which he wasnt quite sure about. So he asked jermaines mum "whats this banana looking thing" . Jermaines mum replied "plantin". So he tried it.......and loved it.The next day john was at home and asked his mum "mummmm.....i want some plantin". Johns mum gave him a seed and a spade and pointed towards the garden smiling and said "such a kind lad wanting to help me with the gardening"*yeh that was the punchline...**FADES*

that is horrendous

[A Bit Better]

Lol the fart one wasn't actually that bad.

[Bruno Di Gradi]

a little white boy named john was round his black friends house jermaine where the had something to a eat cooked by jermaines mumjohn looking at saw rice, chicken and a banana looking thing which he wasnt quite sure about. So he asked jermaines mum "whats this banana looking thing" . Jermaines mum replied "plantin". So he tried it.......and loved it.The next day john was at home and asked his mum "mummmm.....i want some plantin". Johns mum gave him a seed and a spade and pointed towards the garden smiling and said "such a kind lad wanting to help me with the gardening"*yeh that was the punchline...**FADES*

that is horrendous

its a sh*t jokes thread ....... lol..shoudl be getting pos'd not neg'd

[A Bit Better]

Yeah but yours aren't jokes, they're just you saying stupid sh*t.

[Bruno Di Gradi]

Yeah but yours aren't jokes, they're just you saying stupid sh*t.

lol the last one was actually a joke i was told i didnt make that up still lol

[Black Ant]

lol @ STDs "joke"just rambling...

[Bruno Di Gradi]

whos gucci mane's favourite goalkeeperlehhhhmannn

[A Bit Better]

Yeah but yours aren't jokes, they're just you saying stupid sh*t.

lol the last one was actually a joke i was told i didnt make that up still lol

Probably why it was the only one that was alright.

[The Infamous]

whos gucci mane's favourite goalkeeperlehhhhmannn

khjkhjkjhk

[Guest WAVESURFER]

whos gucci mane's favourite goalkeeperlehhhhmannn

[Natty]

whos gucci mane's favourite goalkeeperlehhhhmannn

khjkhjkjhk

bjugiwhege:lol:pos'd

[Guest Triple XXX]

I went to Anfield the other day to watch a match. A scouse lad said, ‘Can I mind your car foryou mister?’I said, ‘No! And for your information, there’s a Rottweiler in the back.’ The lad said: ‘Put out fires, can he?’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qmuab2h-3nE

[Angelo]

LMFAO

[Heero Yuy]

A man was riding his motorbike along a California beach when suddenly the booming voice of god says :" Because you've been so faithful to me in all ways i will grant you one wish "... The man replies: " Build me a bridge to Hawaii" God : " Its an enormous undertaking to build over an ocean, it would use up all the steel and concrete in the world, i can do it but its hard to justify "[/i]God then asks the man " is there anything else I can help you with my child ?"The man thought long and hard and replied... " I wish all men could understand women, I want to know what shes thinking when I get the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothings wrong and how i can make her truely happy"God replies " you want 2 lanes or 4 with that bridge "