TOP 5 WORST MOMENTS OF YOUR UNI CAREER

[Guest Sun Tzu]

off my head:

-getting gassed off the cheap drinks in oceana and then throwing up around the club. went to sit in the loo for 5 minutes to pull myself together and fell asleep bouncer knocked the door down and dragged me out. 2 randomers then took me on the bus and then to my front door and to this day i still do not know who those two kind people are. then proceeded to throw up in my bin all night

-getting too drunk and getting cosy with people i really shouldn't

-depression coming back in first term and not leaving my bed for like a week at a time

-being accosted by 7 drunk pikeys when i'm in my boxers (got my f*ck*ng revenge tho )

--smoking a zoot before i'm about to beat this yat and the f*ck*ng fire alarm goes off resulting in a £400 fine and undue attention from my building manager

been quite a few f*ckeries actually; roll on summer term!

FUN TIMES!

[BLACK VICTIM]

screaming out baldy to any bald man we saw coming out of the train station from work

home made molotov cocktails getting dashed out the window

winter time mad snowy some guy burgled ground level yard in halls, followed the footstep trails round the back and see my guy walked in a circle bare times contemplating his next move

2nd year in the house threw a big party where one girl fell out of a window on 2nd floor, one guy vomited all over my guys ps3 n got banged, one flatmate robbed a next guy from halls n had to go court n wasnt allowed near the halls

got mad drunk with one polish guy done a litre of vodka each n i woke up next day to stories of how i jumped out the kitchen window, walked some girls home who walked past the window n gave one of them my £200 coat had to go to her yard n ask for it back

one guy from my friends class got done for attempted murder he commited the previous year n was in the papers n that

our house got divided when one housemate went into my room and took all the lighters i stole back i told him come in my room again and im gonna bang you, never spoke for the remaining 5 months in that house lol, would steal his redstripes from the fridge and drink them in my room ____<<<<< sharing a house with someone you hate

the 26 year old who lived in halls and banged bare chicks >>>>

2 clueless guys going to camdem, trying to pick up some bud whereby they gave the man the money n he ran off, they chased him and he gives them some leaf type material in a weed bag lol, they have no rizla so i swear to God the rolled it in a leaf and smoked it, smoking leaf within a leaf some inception sh*t lol

[The Infamous]

1. Doing some madness which ended up in one of my BROTHERS having to leave the country to avoid a 3 year sentence. While I had the lord on my side to avoid time

2. Beating some whore with no dom(drunken mistake) and her getting pregnant during the summer holidays. Been confirmed since then that it aint mine

3. Having to do resits

nothing else is worth noting

[Mr. Martinez]

2 clueless guys going to camdem, trying to pick up some bud whereby they gave the man the money n he ran off, they chased him and he gives them some leaf type material in a weed bag lol, they have no rizla so i swear to God the rolled it in a leaf and smoked it, smoking leaf within a leaf some inception sh*t lol

has to be a myth. WTF. It wouldn't work in a leaf trust me...

[Corrigan]

off my head:

-getting gassed off the cheap drinks in oceana and then throwing up around the club. went to sit in the loo for 5 minutes to pull myself together and fell asleep bouncer knocked the door down and dragged me out. 2 randomers then took me on the bus and then to my front door and to this day i still do not know who those two kind people are. then proceeded to throw up in my bin all night

-getting too drunk and getting cosy with people i really shouldn't

-depression coming back in first term and not leaving my bed for like a week at a time

-being accosted by 7 drunk pikeys when i'm in my boxers (got my f*ck*ng revenge tho )

--smoking a zoot before i'm about to beat this yat and the f*ck*ng fire alarm goes off resulting in a £400 fine and undue attention from my building manager

been quite a few f*ckeries actually; roll on summer term!

FUN TIMES!

red: same night i sh*t myself

blue: forgot bout that, their house got MURKLED the following day

[BLACK VICTIM]

2 clueless guys going to camdem, trying to pick up some bud whereby they gave the man the money n he ran off, they chased him and he gives them some leaf type material in a weed bag lol, they have no rizla so i swear to God the rolled it in a leaf and smoked it, smoking leaf within a leaf some inception sh*t lol

has to be a myth. WTF. It wouldn't work in a leaf trust me...

i dunno i wasnt there but that is what they said, bit weird parring yourself like that if its fake

[The Infamous]

ahahahahah u go camden and gettin no draw

thats like going to a brass house and leaving roasting

[Guest Klitschko]

screaming out baldy to any bald man we saw coming out of the train station from work

Normal.

[Guest Esquilax]

Lmao at brick studies

Sho do you find employers are more willing to hire Romanians etc because of their astonishingly high work ethic? Not questioning yours by any means, it's just something I've noticed

[Skenghis Khan]

i dont know about romanians, but round here poles are getting the work, especially with larger contractors and anyone who sources labour thru agencies. One reason is because unlike the natives they dont take anything for granted and are willing to work harder for less money, another reason is a lot of them opt out of the 48 hour week, which i dont like because although i respect the grind i think its unsafe.

[Guest Esquilax]

It's a shame a lot of English labourers are lazy scumbags who walk off jobs cuz it gives the rest an awful name, especially when there's a workforce present who are always good and punctual

Pops hires almost exclusively Romanian/ Portuguese cuz they work flat out with no bullshit, and they get good pay really

[serpent]

If any move the contents of my room outside or superglued my cupboard shut whilst hiding my food, it wouldn't be laugh and jokes.

[Corrigan]

finally finished this essay and can now go back to ends

first stop perfect chicken in norbury

[Guest Esquilax]

finally finished this essay and can now go back to ends

first stop perfect chicken in norbury

Go to Morleys in the vale instead bro

Welcome yourself back with a chicken burger, chips, 18 hot wings and a drink all for £2.50 TOPS

[Guest Esquilax]

Bruv what the f*ck are you talking about please be quiet and stop EMBARRASSING yourself

[BLACK VICTIM]

[Guest Esquilax]

[Necksta]

Bare.

Beefing, slipping over as I was walking out of a nightclub in front of around 50 people. My friend bottling someone at a nightclub and f*ck*ng up the whole night for everyone. Getting c*ck blocked countless of times by typical uni cunts trying to be funny.

Uni is stressful.

[Guest Supreme Allah]

Here's mine thus far

5. Phone going off in exam, ringtone was crankthat souljah boy

4. falling asleep in the middle of a lecture then everyone got up to leave, someone tapped me, i was the only 1 sitting and the whole place was creasing at me

3. Banging this dirty sore bb and the next day i had a raw cough and cold, genuinely thought i aids for like a week

2. Getting bang on the drink whilst taking like 4 zopiclones courtesey of trapstar braund, then passing out in my student bar infront of everybody, kept falling over in the middle of the dance floor

1. 1st term i got gassed off the 1.50 double vodka redbulls in oceana, banged liked 15 in an hour, fell down some steps, fractured my foot, conked me head and had to get carried out on a stretcher cos i couldnt stand, partially cos of drink, mainly my foot. then i wake up in hospital and was tryna scuff the doctors cos they try stomach pump me, luckily they didnt. Then to make things worse i somehow wake up in my bed the next morning, only to realise i had sh*t myself during the night.

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[Mic Man]

The thing with my uni memories is that even the things that seemed like low points at the time, I can now look back on and lol my head off.

Some of my personal highlights:

-feeling mad blusky one evening, so I decided to knock on one of my housemates doors and proceeded to put it on her & got my nut. The MOC was alot, and I am cringing now thinking about the awkwardness between us afterwards. Also felt kinda bad because her boyfriend would visit every month or so, and he was a decent bloke.

-Getting wanked off during a Van Hunt concert (wasn't even drunk)

-My longest sex session. Went on from about 11pm till Daylight. (Had Lord of the Rings as the background DVD and had to replay the movie 3 times) I was over sore for a couple days tho

-Banging one ting in my halls with the window open. You may not think that's a bad thing, but outside my window was a little courtyard where all the students gather and smoke. This bitch was LOUD and My flatmate told me afterwards that people could hear everything and a little audience gathered & were taking the piss

-Having a mass brawl in Paparazzi Nightclub with the bouncers

Will probably post some more as I remember them

[Mic Man]

Oh yeah, had a competition with my mates for a few weeks to see who could steal the biggest item from house parties without getting caught.

It started off with nicking small things like a knife, beer etc, but after a while it started getting out of hand when we were taking toasters, kettles, frying pans etc. My friend won by successfully walking out with a Henry Hoover

[8BALL]

small things like a knife

You're a c*nt brah

Totally RETARDED brah

f*ck*ng MUG brah

[Grafter]

- lost my phone and got a zoot snatched off me

WTF LOL?

WHO does that?

One quite funny one was in freshers week, got hammered on Sambucca with my flatmates and we saw some guy with a dragon on the back of his shirt (one of those sh*t short sleeve looking bruce lee jobs), we followed him around for at least 40 minutes singing 'unleash the dragon' until he went home. That was pretty gay, but also quite entertaining.

'Dom broke and got stuck inside this chick, was unpleasant.

da f*ck...

[the_one]

drop some decent pranks please guys. need some inspiration.

get bare argos catalogs.

rip them up.

fill desired room with them.

[Guest Sun Tzu]

should make this a uni moments thread tbh