LuLu Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 what methods do you find help you or others that you know that have lost someone to death ?how do you comfort someone without sounding like a patronising pain in the neck ? p.s this country is f*cked up and killers are getting younger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da Luv Doc Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 I'll reply later about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E.A.S.E Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Time, is truely the best healer because over time i know thats what has helped me and my family over the loss of my brother, When i look back 6 years ago when he died his daughter gave birth a short time later her daughter is now 6 and every time i see her its likea reminder of my brother in a weird way like he was making space for her (Okay sounds crazy) I know everytime i mention my brothers name to my dad his heart breaks 1000 times over, He lost his son nobody ever expects to bury there son.Space helped my being able to take my self away from my family with all the grief and get on with life. I still get upset when i think about my brother not being here for all the good times but smile and have tears of happyness at all the times we had together as a family. Talking was great being able to talk to my parents and my friends about my brother if i needed to but my friends did not go on about it they only spoke about it if i brought it up and wanted to talk about it.Its hard when your trying to comfort somebody because what is the right thing to say, what is there to say they probably havent heard 100 times already. When you loose somebody you go through so many emotions, As long as they know that you are there to listen/talk to what ever its all that matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da Luv Doc Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 No way to really comfort someone without sounding patronising.A murder is not a thing you get over.One minute someones there and then they're not, just talking about the person and showing respect is the way I had to deal with certain things personally still. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrJibbles Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 It's a stick one really. With myself I've only lost one person close to me and that was my grandfather a couple years ago, it wasn't a nice experience but we was told "he only has 5 days to live" this being on the 20th December, he passed on during Christmas Day around lunch time. Had the family round my house and was a moving moment just getting the phone call after my gran had been to see him and be told he has died, mum come home and they all went off up to the hospital one final time. He'd been ill for quite sometime and when I saw him one more time before he died I thought "This isn't the grandfather I once knew".Time has helped my gran, she's doing good now, being married for nearly 50 years and then losing the one person you was so close to is a heartbreaker.I myself wasn't too sure on what to do, just try to cheer her up and make her smile it worked and she didn't want it to affect my holiday to Hong Kong a couple days later.The one thing about that day is he's brother died on Christmas Day many years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duzza Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 don't know really.. when my bro suddenly passed away, someone said to me that it was on me to look after my mum and also to live my life in a way that would make my brother proud.. thats the only things I remember people saying to me that actually stuck with me.... most stuff doesn't really mean anything because you know ppl who say it mean well but unless they know ur pain they can't really know how you're feeling... i think it's best just to make sure you're actually there for people and not just say "i'm here if u need me" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KayGee Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 My Brother died back in 2006 at just 18, theres no advice i could give apart from learn to accept whats happened to be able to move on. Of course it hurts, like your hearts been ripped out of you leaving you feeling empty and lost.I was just 16 at the time and kind of felt like my life ended with his, its true when someone close to you dies a little bit of you dies with them. To be honest i cant say ive dealt with it in anyway, what i did do was accept whats happened and remember what he said to me about looking after my Mum and to enjoy life because you just never no. The least i could do was make the most of my life and appreciate it. Its not hard for me to accept that hes gone but it is hard for me to accept that he didnt get a chance in life. My 19th birthday made me think alot, i was now living longer than my big brother had, completely f*cked up my head and brought it all back.Everyone deals with it differently and some much better than others, the key is to accept what has happened, without doing that you will never feel happy again. Its not a bad thing to stop thinking about it everyday, sometimes i think people almost feel guilty that they dont cry everyday or look at pictures and some days dont think about it at all. This isnt a bad thing, if you loose someone close its disrespectful to them to not live your life to the full when having the chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARLO STANSFIELD Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 no true answer tbhbetter if you ask every individual who HAS dealt with deathim usually one to talk about my stuff like an open book but this is one place i shall not realm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuLu Posted June 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 i guess all i can do is give my brother his space to grieve, he flew bk to the country on saturday ( he lives abroad ) as his best friend was on the life support machine but unfortunately he didnt pull through, brain completely dead.I just feel useless, want to help my brother but i know nothing i say can possibly help him.The death has affected me in a way also because i knew this guy growing up as being one of my brothers friends who was always round our house etc so the fact that he has been murdered is just rather a lot to take in.Just hope the scumbags who did this are brought to justice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badman Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 I personally cannot answer this...I thank the Lord every day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vtec Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Just being there for that person is enough. Speaking from experience of losing someone close to me. the last thing I was thinking is how people are coming across with me.Time is the healer of pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grafter Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 im sh*t at comforting peoplei jus stay away until it 'blows over'i kno its bad, but i dnt kno how to deal with tears Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Necksta Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 I personally cannot answer this...I thank the Lord every day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VENOM Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 all you need to do is to be there for them. dont try and make them stop crying, let them cry, let them talk about it if they want to..ask them, dont let them blame themselves for the past tho, but allow them to grieve..and just be understanding really. a very bad thing to do is to say u know whet they are feelling bcos youve lost someone to... so what? they didnt know that person they know the person who just died. dont assume anything either...as there is no set time to get over a loss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Furta Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 the best way to comfort someone is by takin there mind completely off it and keeping them busy with something completely unrelated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lemons Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 candy floss and diamonds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yoshie Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 True stories, my Gran passed away very randomly, went to hospital after a stroke, never came home.My Grandad said that day he wouldn't last 6 months.6 months to the day he passed in his sleep, went to see him before they moved him, felt happy for him knowing he doesn't have to suffer without my gran. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuLu Posted June 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 what is wrong with the mediathey making it sound like it was a football related death' united fan killed after final ' as their title on the story.wtf its got nothing to do with f*ckin football ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E.A.S.E Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 what is wrong with the mediathey making it sound like it was a football related death' united fan killed after final ' as their title on the story.wtf its got nothing to do with f*ckin football !I seen this Its typical they put up something to attract attention however when you read the article it does say "Daniel, from Irlam, was wearing a United shirt, but police do not believe his death was football-related." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baroness. Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 I'm awful at comforting people with death, I just offer to buy them stuff/take them out to eat etc.Even like the other day when my friend had her car crashed into, I was sh*t with talking to her just after it happened when she was pissed/upset, so i just took her nandos.As for me, I've luckily only lost 1 person close i suppose. My grans husband (not my grandad, but he was like an extra 1) and I was sad but even out of all us grandkids, i cried the least/ barely and that was only when the dirt hit the coffin.I'm a realist, I know everyone I love will die, sooner or later. I prepare for it everyday, mostly my mum, so that when it happens I hope i can cope better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iheartgrime Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Acceptance is the hardest thing in this situationI used to have sleepless nights thinking about this particular subject, to the point even where I would think of unforgivable things happening to the ones I loved, just to prove to myself that I could live with that thought...Nowadays I accept that my people's days are numbered, even mine. So with every stride I take I'm thankful to whom ever is looking down on me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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