Those "When will the ground swallow me up?" moments

[Axiom]

Had a football match and we all went on the pitch to stretch our legs and check the grass etc. but i turned up late and everyone was already in the changing rooms so i went out there quickly on my own and i looked in the stands and saw one chick that i used to bang when i was in college and gave her a quick wave then went into the changing rooms..Me: you lot see that ting in the stands? I used to bang her when i was in college i wonder who she's her for*bit of silence*Assistant Manager: She's my neice*few stifled laughs but bare silence and shocked faces*Assistant Manager: So the team for today..

LOLive had a similar experiencewas out with 1 of my boyssaw one chick that i smashed and i went over to say hello etc, and my boy said safe to her aswell i was thinkin wtf...fast forward convo done. walkin off nowme: how'd u know her?him: thats my lil cuz still.i felt like a c*nt.

[G-dub]

when i stood in some quick sand.i was so embarrassed.

[Soca Junkie]

^HAHAHAHAMy one is too deep to say

Homo

[A Bit Better]

Had a football match and we all went on the pitch to stretch our legs and check the grass etc. but i turned up late and everyone was already in the changing rooms so i went out there quickly on my own and i looked in the stands and saw one chick that i used to bang when i was in college and gave her a quick wave then went into the changing rooms..Me: you lot see that ting in the stands? I used to bang her when i was in college i wonder who she's her for*bit of silence*Assistant Manager: She's my neice*few stifled laughs but bare silence and shocked faces*Assistant Manager: So the team for today..

LOLive had a similar experiencewas out with 1 of my boyssaw one chick that i smashed and i went over to say hello etc, and my boy said safe to her aswell i was thinkin wtf...fast forward convo done. walkin off nowme: how'd u know her?him: thats my lil cuz still.i felt like a c*nt.

Seen.Meta, share man.

[Axiom]

Had a football match and we all went on the pitch to stretch our legs and check the grass etc. but i turned up late and everyone was already in the changing rooms so i went out there quickly on my own and i looked in the stands and saw one chick that i used to bang when i was in college and gave her a quick wave then went into the changing rooms..Me: you lot see that ting in the stands? I used to bang her when i was in college i wonder who she's her for*bit of silence*Assistant Manager: She's my neice*few stifled laughs but bare silence and shocked faces*Assistant Manager: So the team for today..

LOLive had a similar experiencewas out with 1 of my boyssaw one chick that i smashed and i went over to say hello etc, and my boy said safe to her aswell i was thinkin wtf...fast forward convo done. walkin off nowme: how'd u know her?him: thats my lil cuz still.i felt like a c*nt.

Seen.Meta, share man.

lolhe's like 22she's 17.hence the 'lil'

[Numero001]

lol. Merge the topics.

I'll do it later, but I need to work out how to split the Lil Wayne posts into the Lil Wayne anticipation thread in HH room.Just have one legendary jokes thread. I think the first title suits it anyway.

[Grafter]

me: blablabla darnell, i think he should win, blablayardman: yh, my half brother is albinome: o...thats a shame *in some next condescendin cuntish voice* (dnt even kno why i said it, or in that way)him: no its not a shame*silence*

[A Bit Better]

me: blablabla darnell, i think he should win, blablayardman: yh, my half brother is albinome: o...thats a shame *in some next condescendin cuntish voice* (dnt even kno why i said it, or in that way)him: no its not a shame*silence*

LMFAO!LMFAO!

[X-T]

30 mins ago was walking with 8 year old cousin, and see my neighbour from a few doors down. Do the usual how you been where you been chat. In relation to the awkward moment he's got these little multi-coloured rubber bands at the ends of his plaits. So we're walking away and my cousin belts out 'IS THAT A GIRL OR A BOY!!'.

[JLovely]

this was at schoool one timenot really me who wanned the ground to swallow me up tho, more my teacheri was doin the history of Haiti for my french oral and the history of dominican republic for my spanish oneteacher: why are u writing about these people in the past tense, obviously they are still aliveme: no they arnt, the indigineous people are deadteacher: what? *larfin a bit* what happened to them?me: they were wiped out, killed, a lot of them commited suicideteacher: so how did the black people get there then?me: slavery*insert plainface*

LMAO. Why would she question so intently when she knew she had no clue.Reminds me of when my landlord came round and was asking about my Ghana flag."That's nice. Nice choice of colours"."Well they all have meaning.""Really, what meaning?""Well the black star is coz the people are black. And the gold is coz we're the gold coast...""What's the red for?""The blood shed when the white people came."*Silence*

LOL

[Ella]

me: blablabla darnell, i think he should win, blablayardman: yh, my half brother is albinome: o...thats a shame *in some next condescendin cuntish voice* (dnt even kno why i said it, or in that way)him: no its not a shame*silence*

LMAO

and lol @ the other's in the thread

[Superstition]

Sitting in a cafe at university with a few people, making plans for the evening. Chicks name amazingly is Kelly LustMe: Why don't you come out with us tonight? Kelly: Nah I don't think I will.....Me: Come ooonnn, it's gonna be a sick nightKelly: Nah I really don't want to thanksMe: Why not?Kelly: Well my father died a year ago today, and I just don't feel like partying or anything like that*conversation dies a sudden death, and atmosphere becomes utterly morbid*Other guy: That's terrible, what was his name? How did he die?Kelly: His name was Richard...he died in a car accident...Me (after clocking her dads name is d*ck Lust): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*Everybody looks at me with mixed faces of disgust, horror and loathing*Me: Err.. I was thinking about.. this thing..... the other day.... it was well funny*Cue me leaving and never speaking to any of them again*

[Chaser1325356891]

Sitting in a cafe at university with a few people, making plans for the evening. Chicks name amazingly is Kelly LustMe: Why don't you come out with us tonight? Kelly: Nah I don't think I will.....Me: Come ooonnn, it's gonna be a sick nightKelly: Nah I really don't want to thanksMe: Why not?Kelly: Well my father died a year ago today, and I just don't feel like partying or anything like that*conversation dies a sudden death, and atmosphere becomes utterly morbid*Other guy: That's terrible, what was his name? How did he die?Kelly: His name was Richard...he died in a car accident...Me (after clocking her dads name is d*ck Lust): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*Everybody looks at me with mixed faces of disgust, horror and loathing*Me: Err.. I was thinking about.. this thing..... the other day.... it was well funny*Cue me leaving and never speaking to any of them again*

LMFAOLMFAO!!!!!

[A Bit Better]

Sitting in a cafe at university with a few people, making plans for the evening. Chicks name amazingly is Kelly LustMe: Why don't you come out with us tonight? Kelly: Nah I don't think I will.....Me: Come ooonnn, it's gonna be a sick nightKelly: Nah I really don't want to thanksMe: Why not?Kelly: Well my father died a year ago today, and I just don't feel like partying or anything like that*conversation dies a sudden death, and atmosphere becomes utterly morbid*Other guy: That's terrible, what was his name? How did he die?Kelly: His name was Richard...he died in a car accident...Me (after clocking her dads name is d*ck Lust): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*Everybody looks at me with mixed faces of disgust, horror and loathing*Me: Err.. I was thinking about.. this thing..... the other day.... it was well funny*Cue me leaving and never speaking to any of them again*

Lol that's just stupid.

[Action Dan]

To prevent such situations follow this rule:Never assume, it's makes an ASS of U and ME.

[Mizchif]

I love these situations, I can take advantage of people though these.

[Lieutenant]

Sitting in a cafe at university with a few people, making plans for the evening. Chicks name amazingly is Kelly LustMe: Why don't you come out with us tonight? Kelly: Nah I don't think I will.....Me: Come ooonnn, it's gonna be a sick nightKelly: Nah I really don't want to thanksMe: Why not?Kelly: Well my father died a year ago today, and I just don't feel like partying or anything like that*conversation dies a sudden death, and atmosphere becomes utterly morbid*Other guy: That's terrible, what was his name? How did he die?Kelly: His name was Richard...he died in a car accident...Me (after clocking her dads name is d*ck Lust): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*Everybody looks at me with mixed faces of disgust, horror and loathing*Me: Err.. I was thinking about.. this thing..... the other day.... it was well funny*Cue me leaving and never speaking to any of them again*

Lol that's just stupid.

[Grafter]

Sitting in a cafe at university with a few people, making plans for the evening. Chicks name amazingly is Kelly LustMe: Why don't you come out with us tonight? Kelly: Nah I don't think I will.....Me: Come ooonnn, it's gonna be a sick nightKelly: Nah I really don't want to thanksMe: Why not?Kelly: Well my father died a year ago today, and I just don't feel like partying or anything like that*conversation dies a sudden death, and atmosphere becomes utterly morbid*Other guy: That's terrible, what was his name? How did he die?Kelly: His name was Richard...he died in a car accident...Me (after clocking her dads name is d*ck Lust): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*Everybody looks at me with mixed faces of disgust, horror and loathing*Me: Err.. I was thinking about.. this thing..... the other day.... it was well funny*Cue me leaving and never speaking to any of them again*

LMFAOLMFAO!!!!!

[freddie deeb]

sounds fake still.

[missBee]

i had one where i used to work a while ago. was AWFUL. anyways there was this guy alan he used to like talking at people making himself feel like he is the team leader or something. he was just annoying, fat and kinda smelly & i really didnt like him.anyways i was up faxing some documents then going back to my deskalan:*shouting* well done guys the calls are down!me:[just looked in disgust and walked past]alan:naisha quickly now move. come on! me:alan don't come on me! (meant to be don't tell me to come on!!!)alan::|everyone: & hahahahahahame:[my face burning and quickly sped to my desk! i was actually feeling ill and didnt even have any appetite on my break lol]

[Mizchif]

Workplace took you for some Slosh.

[Guest Abou Diaby]

Long story shortSaw one guy I know wearing a suit and said to him "*laughing* RAAAAA look at you in a suit *more laughing*"Then it dawned on me and I remembered that it was the day of a family funeral...wanted to die right there and then

[kurious]

lmao i always put my foot in my mouth its usually'go suck ur mum''my mums dead''sweardown?'

[Necksta]

lmao i always put my foot in my mouth its usually'go suck ur mum''my mums dead''sweardown?'

had that still."ur a c*nt""ur mums a hoe""my mum's been dead for 4 years"...

[missBee]

Workplace took you for some Slosh.

lol THANX! oh remembered another one. was working at envy during christmas & these girls that worked there before i got there were such bitches!! they just thought they owned the place. anyways we were waiting to be let out after closing so we were all standing at the door and this girl the biggest bitch of them was talking to this guy.girl: ..ye i know people don't usually believe i am 16.me: what?! you are 16!girl: yeahme: oh i thought you were older. you look older but then when you open your mouth and start speaking its like ooooh ye she is 16guys: baaa haaa haaa!! shame!!girl: [pissed and screws me nicely]me: oh sorry i just meant you look old but you sound young and i guess you are so... [voice trails away as i continue digging deeper]walked away quickly when the manager finally opened the door. and after that i guess the mood was worse. i hated that place!!!